regular sex). Women’s testosterone levels tend to be highest in their early twenties and fall after menopause, after all the other hormones have declined. So not only is there a peak in testosterone midcycle but there may also be one during a brief, magical time right around age forty, a woman’s “sexual peak,” where testosterone levels are relatively higher than those of the other hormones. When you’re on the Pill, you miss out on all of that.
Ovulation and Pheromones: Choosing a Cad or a Dad
Many women have significant shifts not just in their hormones but in their horniness all month long. It wasn’t until my forties that I became aware of how much my libido, and, more important, my feelings about my husband, varied from week to week. When I read about this in a book called Sexy Mamas, I felt validated: “My husband knows that my monthly cycle provides me with about a week of feeling romantic, a week of lust, a week of slowing down, and a week of no desire. We work around that.”
Fertility increases gradually up to ovulation and rapidly decreases afterward. Your desire to have sex naturally follows that pattern. While most primates have a period of “heat,” it is generally assumed that the human female doesn’t have such a cordoned-off time frame and is sexually available all month long, called “extended sexuality.” As you may have experienced, there are a few days in your cycle when you’re more up for sex than at other times, and, logically, Mother Nature has been smart about when that is. Women are more likely to be horny midcycle, during peak fertility, in the day or two leading up to the egg being released, when their testosterone levels are at their highest. The perfect storm of ovulation, optimum fertility, and peaking testosterone levels creates one red-hot mama (to be).
The baboon’s backside turns bright red when she is in heat (called estrus), signaling to nearby males that she’s ready for love. Humans are not quite so overt, though our midcycle high estrogen levels do cause a subtle dilation of blood vessels in our cheeks, enhancing our natural blush. Studies show that men are more sexually attracted to women wearing red than other colors. Also, men are more likely to assume that a woman is sexually active and receptive if she is wearing red. This may be partly cultural and partly biological. Perhaps unconsciously, women know this, as we are more likely to choose to wear red when expecting to meet and chat up an attractive man.
Ovulation is the only time every month when you’re pretty much guaranteed to be horny. Your desire is easier to arouse, and your sexual response is heightened. Greater feelings of attractiveness also peak during this time. All kinds of important things happen midcycle, when you ovulate. Oxytocin peaks, which means increased rates of orgasm and wanting to bond with others. Also, testosterone and estrogen levels are higher, which puts you in an ultrareceptive and horny place. Your pupils even dilate more in response to seeing your sex partner when you’re midcycle, but not if you’re on the Pill.
We have a repertoire of not-so-covert behavior that makes it clear we’re fertile. Women who are ovulating are more likely to feel sexually attractive and to choose provocative, clingy clothing. They dress more fetchingly, wear more jewelry and perfume, and go out more when they’re midcycle and fertile. They’re also more likely to casually hook up, and less likely to use condoms. Women feel more attractive around ovulation, and men are able to tell which women are closer to ovulation and trying to look more attractive by examining their photos. In studies, men pay strippers who are ovulating more money than those who aren’t, and they rate the voices of women who are ovulating as sexier than the voices of those who aren’t.
For that day or two when you have a viable egg, your body is being told by your hormones (especially testosterone) to go out and find a sperm donor. And not just any sperm donor. Our evolution dictates that we find the finest, fittest mate to donate his genetic material to our lineage. Introducing the alpha male—the best hunter, but not necessarily a good sharer. Women are also more likely to choose “bad boys” when they’re ovulating—the kind of guy with a five o’clock shadow and a motorcycle, who’d most likely arouse you but maybe won’t stick around and help you raise your kids. This dual sexuality is called conceptive and not conceptive. Some sex researchers call this dilemma “cad versus dad.” We want cads when we’re fertile, and dads when we’re not.
In my office, the younger gals tend to go for men who excite and intrigue them, who have an edge and are hard to pin down. Women prefer men with a lower voice (more testosterone and likely more infidelity prone) for short-term mating but not for long-term relationship building. I’ve had countless heart-to-hearts with these patients about their choices in men. Often, as they mature, I remind them that the criteria need to change; they are shopping for a husband now, not a boyfriend.
When women are ovulating, their mate selection focuses on masculine traits that signal good genetic material, the alpha-male DNA. When not fertile, women still seek out men, but are more attracted to “non-genetic material and assistance”—those with resources who’ll stick around to help with child rearing. Women, regardless of their own wealth, may still seek out men with adequate resources and social status. I know you have a job and a good credit rating and you don’t need a man for anything, but your brain is still more like a cavewoman’s than you’d like to admit. There have been no major changes to our genetics since we were hunter-gatherers. We’re naturally attracted to men who not only have money, power, and social rank but also have shown they will share it. Just not all month long.
Women find classically masculine faces more attractive around the time they ovulate, choosing less chiseled-looking guys when not fertile. Fertile women are also more attracted to men acting in dominant, competitive ways. When we’re fertile, it’s all about genetic material, not social graces, which means if you’re in a relationship with a dad, you may still end up flirting with a cad midcycle. Like men, it’s natural for us to seek out the best genetic donor for our offspring. And also like men, even with a bird in the hand, we still go poking around the bush. Partnered women are more likely to choose the scent from a dominant man, while single women respond to the scent of men who are nurturing and willing to commit. It may be that even when a woman is partnered with a good provider (a dad), she can’t help but still be attracted to a man midcycle who could lend his exceptional genes to her next offspring (a cad).
So what happens with women who are on oral contraceptives and never have a fertile phase? Just what you’d expect with static hormones. There’s no midcycle peak in oxytocin to push bonding and orgasms, and no surge in estrogen or testosterone stoking desire. As far as the brain is concerned, the deed is already done. If there’s a bun in the oven, there’s no need to attract a baker, and so the midcycle preference for the chiseled cad is gone. Women on the Pill act like women who are already pregnant, where the focus is to attract someone with other things to offer and share besides their manly genetic virtues. Pill users show weaker or no preferences for facial and vocal masculinity.
The biological drives for food, drink, and sex ensure first our own survival and then the survival of our progeny. Clearly, women and men go about this differently, focusing on separate attributes we deem important.
