addictions, and work/family balance. The problem with taking your happy pills and puttering along as before is that it’s no better than sweeping dirt under the carpet. I want you to take that rug out back and beat the hell out of it.
But this is not drudgery. It begins with awareness, with the natural process of reconnecting with yourself and your body. Understanding the meaning and utility of your moods is empowering. Reclaiming your authentic, natural self is liberating. It is wholesome and it is healing. Not just for you, but also for your partner, your family, and your community.
This book begins with information about our complex inner workings, revealing the science behind why, as caregivers and nurturers, women have evolved to think and feel differently from men. I explain the wisdom of feeling deeply, and the dangers of cutting ourselves off from that depth. I look closely at why the twenty-eight-day cycle brings on tears and insatiable hunger (and what you can do about it), and how oral contraceptives and antidepressants can disrupt natural phases of desire and connection, potentially leading you to choose “Mr. Wrong,” or even to opt out of any mate choice entirely.
The second section delves into relationships and family, with a particular focus on how women’s moods mirror critical transition points in our lives. From menarche (the very first menstrual cycle) to mating, from motherhood to menopause, our ever-fluctuating hormones not only dictate but also respond to our behaviors. Testosterone may make you horny to go out and find a guy, but, more likely, seeing a hot new guy will make your testosterone levels rise. We tend to think of love and sex as distinct, but falling head over heels is a physical experience as powerful as any mind-altering drug, and orgasmic sex can trigger hormones that change how attached you are to your partner, complicating your casual hookups. The early stages of a relationship are difficult enough to navigate, but long-term commitment poses its own complications. Moody Bitches tells the truth about monogamy and desire, and why it is that your SSRI (anti-depressants like paroxetine or sertraline) is likely not doing you any favors in the bedroom. I also explain the physical and emotional consequences of pregnancy and child rearing; becoming a mother changes not just your body but your brain.
Change is the constant in women’s lives, and never more so than in perimenopause, the transitional period before fertility ends that recalls the turmoil of pubescence. Moody Bitches unpacks the biology behind the “cougar” stereotype, describes the herbs and supplements that can combat hot flashes, and paves the way for the peace and freedom that await on the other side.
The third section, the Moody Bitches Survival Guide, is an instruction manual for well-being at any age. We begin with a comprehensive introduction to inflammation, the basis of nearly every medical disease, including depression. Stress and inflammation are inextricably linked, and the key to combating both lies in a system you’ve probably never heard of, the endocannabinoid system. When stress nearly knocks you overboard, your internal cannabinoid system helps to right the ship. Even if you’ve never smoked a joint, your brain and body use cannabis-like molecules to make you resilient to stress, similar to the way your endorphin system provides you with natural pain relief. These cannabinoids tamp down inflammation and reactivity in the body, maintaining metabolism, immune functioning, learning, and growing. The endocannabinoid system is mentioned throughout Moody Bitches, because it is involved in nearly everything we do, like eating, sleeping, exercising, having sex, giving birth, and nursing.
The practices detailed in the survival guide are critical tools for establishing and preserving mental and physical health; they are designed to reduce stress and inflammation and augment the body’s own spectacular capacity for producing pleasure. You’ll learn about natural nutrition, so you can stop dieting and start eating for health, and normal sleep, so you can prioritize the hours your body needs. In fact, better sleep, nutrition, and regular cardio in the sunshine may just replace your SSRI. The survival guide also includes practical advice on sex that actually works and addresses the main obstacles women face in reaching orgasm. Getting into and enjoying your body, whether through sex, exercise, or that dreaded word mindfulness, will help you achieve the balance and harmony we’re all clamoring for.
Moody Bitches is a rallying cry for a new way of living. Our lives are out of sync with nature. I fear that the further away we get from what’s natural for us, the sicker we’re going to get. Our disconnection is our pathology. We need to get back in tune with our bodies and with the natural world around us. In our digital distraction we’ve lost a basic truth: fresh air, sunlight, and movement make us feel better. Daily cycles of light and dark will do more for our sleep than any pill, being sedentary is our biggest health hazard, and we miss a lot when our relationships become virtual.
Moody Bitches is grounded in research and informed by my experiences in working with my patients. Health begins with understanding, and my aim is to demystify women’s inner lives to enable change. I’m speaking as a psychiatrist, a wife, and a working mother of two children; the prescriptions I share here are what have worked for me, and for my patients.
Our bodies are wiser than we ever imagined, and so much of what plagues them is interrelated. Overmedication has robbed us of our sense of control, and modern life has separated us from the restorative rhythms of nature. It is understandable to respond to the man-made madness of this world with tears and frustration; those feelings of distress are a pathway toward health and wholeness. We need to tune in to our discomfort, not turn it down. Being sensitive, being irritated, and being vocal about our needs and frustrations will improve our lives.
Once we begin to listen to our bodies and align with our moodiness, we can take action. That action might be to try a natural remedy when you had relied on a prescription. It might be to reappraise all that you ask of yourself in your many roles as a woman. The answer for each of us will be unique. But all of us need to stop and listen when we get bitchy. Embracing our moods will, in the end, make us happier.
We need to begin anew, to realign with our bodies and learn how to treat them right. It’s time to embody the wisdom inherent in nature, and in our natural animal selves. Moody Bitches will show you the way, giving you the tools you need to take care of yourself.
While I spend most of my workday having one-on-one sessions with my patients, I’ve made several television appearances as a psychiatric expert over the years. One afternoon not long ago I sat down across from a newswoman in the studio. We were chatting before we rolled tape. She seemed pert, energetic, and emotionally connected. We hit it off immediately and were enjoying the hushed banter that ensues before taping; then I noticed her fingernails were bitten down quite a bit. When I asked her about it, she told me her therapist had consistently recommended she take medication to “calm her nerves,” but she was resistant to the idea.
“I bet your anxiety helps you in your work,” I offered. “You have to be hyperaware to know what’s a good story to cover, and perceptive about when and how to push certain questions during an interview. Also, I would guess you have some obsessive traits that help you stay organized and productive, leaving no stone unturned.”
She looked at me like I truly understood her. “Yes.” She stared at me, dumbfounded. “Yes!” she repeated. “It’s also just who I am: I am nervous, jumpy. I’ve always been like this. Why would I want to medicate away my own basic personality?”
Why indeed?
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