not a bad idea,’ Claire said.‘Maybe next weekend?’
I gave up eating and curled up by Franceska’s feet, nestling into her legs. A weekend away wouldn’t solve my problems, but it would be nice to be with them all and it would mean I wouldn’t have to look at the empty house next door. Plus, I’d have the boys to keep me occupied and I’d get to spend time with my cat friend Dustbin. I felt something akin to hope for the first time since I had heard that Snowball was leaving.
‘Yeah, can he come?’ Aleksy said, sounding excited. It seemed it was all settled. I would take my broken heart away for the weekend.
That night, I was thinking about my weekend away when I heard Jonathan and Claire arguing. It was a funny kind of argument though, because ever since Summer was born, they rowed in whispered voices. I was worried. After all, whilst I had enough problems of my own, I didn’t want anyone else to be unhappy – I wasn’t sure I could bear it. I crept closer to their room to listen.
‘Look, we can get a second opinion,’ I heard Jonathan say.
‘You mean a third opinion. Jon, I am trying to tell you, it’s pointless, and it’s time we faced facts. I’m OK, really. We were lucky with Summer, but there aren’t going to be any more babies. I’m sorry I can’t give you another child but at least we have her.’
‘I know, we’ve got Summer and Alfie … It’s fine, as long as you’re all right. I mean … OK, yes, I would ideally love another child but it’s more important that our family – you, me, Sum and Alfie – are all right. I love you.’ I felt a bit relieved, it seemed they weren’t really arguing after all.
‘No, I’m fine. Please don’t worry, this isn’t going to send me back to my black days, it really isn’t. I’m disappointed, but I think deep down I knew, the tests just confirmed it.’ Claire did have dark moments, which made us all worry terribly, but it was only when things went wrong. She seemed to be coping with life so much better these days – there was no doubt that Jonathan and Summer had brought great joy into her life. It was if they had taught her how to be happy.
‘So we’re OK? Then why are we arguing?’
‘I don’t know.’ I saw Claire sit down on the bed.‘Jonathan, I don’t want Summer to be an only child.’
‘But you just said you were OK?’
‘I am, but that doesn’t mean we can’t adopt. There are so many children out there who need a good, loving home. We’ve got all that and more. We have space, we can afford it …’
‘I don’t know.’ I could hear the doubt in Jonathan’s voice.
‘But why not?’
‘Because.’ I could almost hear Jonathan folding his arms across his chest. He could be such a child sometimes.
‘Because why, darling?’ I saw through a crack in the door that Claire had put her arm on his.
‘It’s complicated. I just think it’s a big step, taking in someone else’s child. And then the adoption process is gruelling, we might not even be accepted.’
‘Oh, Jon, I’m sure we will, I’ve spoken to Dad … We might not get a baby, but I know that they are crying out for homes for older children. We’re not criminals or insane …’ She attempted a laugh.
‘I’m not so sure. I mean about adopting, not being a criminal. Or insane.’
‘OK, but will you at least agree to let me look into it?’ I heard Claire’s pleading voice and then Jonathan’s sigh.
‘If you really have your heart set on it then we can look into it, but I’m not promising anything.’
‘Hey, like you said, we might not even be accepted, but at least let me find out. I don’t want to wonder about it, that’s all.’
‘Hey, I’d be more agreeable to you adopting a new girlfriend for Alfie,’ Jonathan joked. He often did this when he was uncomfortable, tried to make a joke. A pretty poor joke, in my opinion.
‘Jon, that’s not funny. But now you mention it …’
‘I was joking,’ he said.
‘I know you were. OK, let’s go to bed.’ As I saw them settle down for the night, I went back to my basket, thankful that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. Apart from myself of course.
‘So you’ve never been in love?’ I asked. I was in the small yard behind the restaurant with Dustbin. Dustbin was my friend and the cat who sort of worked for Tomasz’s restaurant. He was what he referred to as feral; he had never lived in a house before and liked it that way. He lived in the yard outside the restaurant and Franceska and big Tomasz’s flat and he kept the vermin under control. We’d known each other since I had started visiting here and he was also one of the wisest cats I’d ever met.
It was nearing the end of the weekend and I have to say that it had done me the world of good. I’d eaten well, having found my appetite, and I found it easier not to pine, being a bit further away from Snowball’s old house.
‘Can’t say I have,’ Dustbin replied, eating some leftovers that Tomasz had put out for him, baring his teeth at a foolhardy mouse who had come a bit too close. Dustbin was the master of multi-tasking.‘I’m not that kind of cat. I like my own company most of the time. I like hanging out with you and passing the time of day, and I don’t mind hunting with some of the other cats around here, but romance and all that – nah, it’s not for me.’
‘But love is wonderful,’ I continued, feeling quite poetic, despite the fact we were surrounded by bins and rodents in a pretty ugly yard. It certainly wasn’t like my last time away, in the country. A picture of Snowball and me popped into my head, running through the long grass without a care in the world, and I yowled.
‘That’s as maybe, but you’re not feeling wonderful now,’ Dustbin pointed out. I couldn’t argue with that. ‘Look, mate, I know you loved that cat. I remember when we rescued her when she ran away, I saw how much she meant to you then. I’m sorry it’s been so tough for you.’
‘Thanks, Dustbin. And you’re right, but spending the weekend here has been such a tonic, I do feel a bit better.’
‘Yeah, well, I think it’s good for you to have a break from home, and sometimes a bit of distance can give you perspective. I know that when I have a problem, going off to roam away from here often gives me clarity.’
‘You’re a wise old cat, even if you’ve never been in love,’ I said, and I meant it.‘But I’d better go now, I think my visit here is nearly over.’
‘Ta, Alfie. Right, make sure you come back again soon, now you’ve got a bit more time on your paws. And maybe I’ll teach you to hunt,’ he grinned.
‘No. I mean, yes, I’ll come
