reflecshun and it was all smilig. And so I smile too and then I see my eye sparklin becas I can see good. And then I see that Fin say no, becas he have got no mony, becas he give it all to Missis Barkr to buy som penuts to sell to get som mony to buy som food and I did not see good, becase I have got a dirty eye window and it was all splosht with greedy dirty.
Mrs Barker was a little old lady who sold peanuts outside the cinemas called the Coliseum and the Palladium in the Mile End Road. One day I found her without any stock – so we took a tram towards Aldgate and bought about £3 worth of peanuts, which we brought back to her.
Everybody has got a eye window and a hart window. Fin teech me how to clean my eye window and my hart window. And if you know Fin then you have got a very speshal Fin window. And this is very nice to have. If you take some dirt to Fin he say about it and make it lik dimons and if you take to Fin a tram tiket he make it like a butefall piktur. Fin is very very speshal and very very butefall but you have to be little inside or you can not see propre.
Anna and I explored dirt under the microscope, where anything seemed to be transformed. The tram tickets were of different colours and collected from the streets very easily, so they could be used to make patterns, or folded into complicated paper chains and even turned into Christmas decorations.
One day Fin was very sad becase Danny was kild with a big stiker (knife). So in the nighte I crep in bed with Fin. Fin go to slep and I then see the ters on his face becase we have a stret lighte in the stret to see with. I cry a bit too becase I was sad for Danny.
There is on thing abot Fin. A lot of time he is not full up with his self but is full up of some othre people. Som time he is just full up of his self. I like this time best of all becase I do not want to see no thing els and I am full up of laghin. I ask Fin can I have a nothre name and Fin say yes I can have two names. One is Mowse, becase Fin say I crep in his hart and make a nest ther. And the nothre name is Joy becase I make him hapy and I am very glad for that becase that is very very holy.
Somtime I think that Fin is an angel. If you want to know the diffrence from a person and an angel I will tell you. An angel is easy to get inside of, and a person is not. Every bit of an angel is inside and every bit of a person is not and most of a person is outside.
One person who is very special is dere Fin. It is like loking at the very very inside of love. All the thing are nice to do with Fin and some of the thing are very nice and special.
One of the nice things is to go for a walk with Fin in the simitery (cemetery). Only Fin do not call it a simitery. Fin call it an orchard, becase Mister God come to pick up the sols when they are redy like aples. I like going to the orchard with Fin becase there is no one ther, only ded one and Mister God and sols. Fin say no on go to the orchard becase people are afrade to be ded, but I am not afrade becase the orchard is very butefall and ther is million of flowre and it is sily to be a frade to be ded in all them flowre. When we go to the orchard Fin tell the name and how old and wen they was ded and ther are a lot of little children ded in the orchard. Only they are not ther no more, but they are in heven. When Fin tells the name, I say hello Susan this Anna and Fin talking and then I say how butefall the orchard is and thing like that and then we say a little prer and say will you give all our lov to Mister God and to Jether and to Vrach and to all the angel and to all the peple. What I am sory for is Judas and Pontas Pirot and all the peple that put Jether on the cross. And one day I cry in the orchard for them and Fin cudle me and then say we rite all the names of them on som paper and put it in a tin and put in the holy ground and leeve it to Mister God. Fin say every peple have got a bit of Judas inside and a bit of Pontos pilot inside and every peple put a nother nale in Jether.
Fin say one thing to remmber and this is it. If it is good to do, then do it, if it is not good to do, then do not do it. And so I say how do I know if it is good and Fin say it is easy. Do not git stuck inside of you, com out and go inside of peple and animles and flowres an trees and see if you like it and if you do like it, then it is good and if you do not like it, then it is bad. If you pertend to be a cat and you kik it, it hert, so it is bad. If you stroke it, it is nice, so it is good. Fin say if you lok at a howse on the outside it is a howse, but if you look at a howse on the inside, it is not a howse but it is a home. And that is like peple. If you lok at one on the outside it is a person, but if you lok at one in the inside then it has got a reel name. And so has everything got a reel name. Even flee and spidre. And Fin say somtime this is hard to lern, to see inside a thing. Somtime you can not tell becase a church look like a mewseum and lik a flic hows and you can not tell from the outside, but you can only tell from the inside and that is wat to be alive is.
Oh Oh Oh I do love Fin very much and I ask Mister God evernighte if I can marry Fin and have a hows and som baby too. If I am six and Fin is tweny then I can mary Fin when I am tweny and Fin is tirthy fore. I ask Jacky and Sally and Corry if they marry Fin first can I too and they say yes.
For nerly everybody down our stret say up the top (of the street) is bad, but it is not becase Fin say it is not bad. Nerly everbody say they are very wicked and they are not wicked becase Fin say we must not say that. Only Mister God can say that and Mister God is very good.
At the top corner of the street was a house that was a lot bigger than the rest. In this house lived Millie, Sally, Corey, and a few other young ladies. The fact that these young ladies were for the most part prostitutes was the reason why it was commonly called the ‘dirty house’. Anna had a vague idea of what it meant but that was no reason why she couldn’t be friends with the girls. In fact, she thought that Millie, who was usually known as the Venus de Mile End, was the most beautiful girl in the world and I would never have argued with that. The care and protection that these girls gave to Anna could not have been sweeter. I had known them for a number of years, and I knew them as very good friends. Given other circumstances they would have been different, but with poor homes, little education, and even less money, prostitution was the only way they knew how to make money. I have known these young ladies save over £200 to send little Maria to have her leg corrected after the ravages of rickets. It was more than I could have done.
Many times Anna and I have sat with them and so often the talk turned to the subject of religion and God. The passing years have made me realize that they were among the few people who could admit to themselves that they were sinners, but then they had families to keep and it was the only way they knew how.
Anna’s friendship with these young prostitutes taught her a lot – perhaps a bit too much, who knows. I do know that they were very careful in what they said when Anna was around, but things slip out occasionally and Anna, like most children, would often repeat what she had heard the older people say without knowing what was meant by it.
What was puzzling for me was the fact that some of the girl’s customers did regard themselves as good solid citizens, to say nothing of good churchgoers, but that was my problem, not Anna’s. For her the girls were just nice to be with. What puzzled Anna was how such nice people could be called ‘dirty’. Anna would have none of it, neither would I. Millie taught Anna how to make bead belts, necklaces and bracelets. All the adults for streets around knew what the girls did, but it was only Anna and her friends and me who knew what they could do. They were a bit special to those of us who knew them and definitely not dirty.
One of the thing that make me very sad is this. I wuld like all the big girls up the top to have real propre sweet love. Fin culd do it so gentle and sweet and culd make the big girls so hapy and holy and it wuld be so lovly.
Fin go up the top to see them and Fin mummy say I can go too and Fin mummy rote this on some
