the same calm and collected Alice she’d seen two weeks ago. She was now red-faced, flustered, and appeared agitated.
‘So sorry I’m late,’ she said, her breathing laboured. ‘I had to … practically run … up the hill.’
‘Please, Alice, don’t worry. Take your time, there’s no rush – you’re my last client of the day.’
She took some deep breaths, then slumped, relaxing into the chair. Connie took her seat and waited for her to recover. After a few minutes, her colour had returned to normal.
‘How have you been since our last meeting, Alice?’
Connie noted Alice’s rapid blinking and how she was rubbing her hands together, and wondered what had happened to alter her demeanour. She waited for a response, but Alice remained silent.
‘Maybe you could begin by telling me something you felt was positive?’ Connie coaxed.
Alice’s face broke into a wide smile. Connie gave an inward sigh of relief. At least there was something good to give her a starting point for this session.
‘Positive, yes – there have been some good things since I last saw you. Some progression.’
‘That’s excellent, Alice. Let’s begin with that then, shall we?’
‘I found someone like me, someone who’s going through the same issues as me. It’s given me a purpose; some motivation.’
‘It can be very helpful to know others have experienced similar situations to yourself, showing you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Is it someone from your support group?’
Alice’s mouth twitched; she took a while before she nodded.
‘And you began the group, didn’t you?’
‘Yes. It was just online at first, but I decided it was more important to have proper face-to-face meetings.’
‘That’s such a positive step, and a really good outcome that you’ve bonded with someone else so early on in the group sessions. You must feel proud of your achievement?’
‘I do, actually. The group is the best thing I’ve ever done,’ Alice said, her face glowing. ‘I feel as though I’ve met a kindred spirit.’
‘Ah, that’s great,’ Connie said, nodding her head encouragingly. ‘How has it helped you, in your everyday life?’
‘It’s given me hope. A focus. The group as a whole has obviously helped, but this one person is the key, I think.’
‘The key? To what?’
‘To me forgiving myself,’ Alice said, her voice soft, almost a whisper.
Guilt was one of the biggest obstacles Connie had picked up on during her sessions with Alice. The fact she recognised she needed to forgive herself was a huge step. But that being said, Connie had a niggling feeling about Alice’s part in all of this. Maybe she had good reason to blame herself. But that wasn’t really Connie’s role – to apportion blame, dig into someone’s life and play detective. That was Lindsay’s area of expertise. If she did unpick Alice’s reason for guilt, and she was somehow to blame, Connie had to deal with it in a totally different way. Alice was her client. She had to help Alice. It was her job.
Now Connie had found out some of the positive things, she wanted to explore the reason for her earlier agitation.
‘When you arrived today, it seemed like you were flustered. I know you were late and had rushed, but there was something else. What caused that?’
‘Oh, it was nothing much. Stupid, really.’ She flicked her hand dismissively.
‘It didn’t appear to be nothing, and I’m sure it wasn’t stupid.’
Alice dropped her head, then snapped it back up, her intense eyes boring into Connie’s.
‘I had a shock, is all. Saw my ex-husband in town when I wasn’t expecting it. I suppose it rattled me, made me panic.’
‘Why would seeing him cause you to panic?’
‘He’s not a very nice man, Connie. Not someone I would want to have confronting me, especially as I was with someone from the group, too – and I didn’t want her to see him. Meet him.’
‘The woman you were talking about? The one you feel you have a lot in common with?’
‘Um …’ Alice looked confused for a moment, then nodded. ‘Yes, yes – that one.’
‘If you felt a connection with her, had things in common, maybe she would’ve understood if you’d confided in her?’
‘Maybe. But I couldn’t take the chance. I didn’t want to expose her to him. Didn’t want him knowing what I’m doing, who I’m friends with. He’d ruin it, put a stop to it. He doesn’t like me talking to people about, you know, what happened. About Kyle.’
‘I see.’ Connie thought about this new information. It sounded as though Alice feared her ex-husband, and coupled with what she’d told her in the last session about how her son had taken over where her husband had left off, Connie suspected that Alice Mann had experienced a lot of trauma in her past – possibly abuse from both of them.
‘I’m really sorry he made … makes you feel that way, Alice. I’m sure it must cause difficulties, and means it’s challenging for you to move forwards.’
‘He prevents me moving forwards, yes. I have to do my best despite him; pretend he’s not here. I suppose I pretend a lot.’
‘You shouldn’t have to pretend. I can help you work through these challenges, help with coping strategies. If your ex-husband is threatening you, causing you fear, there are people who can assist with that too – not only the police, but services who can offer practical support.’
‘No!’ Alice jumped up. ‘No, Connie. Thank you, but that won’t be necessary. I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about, not what I wanted help with.’
‘Okay, I’m sorry, Alice. Please sit back down.’ Connie got to her feet and reached out to touch Alice’s arm, but the damage seemed to have been done.
Alice turned her back and walked towards the consulting room door. She stopped in the doorway, looking back over her shoulder.
‘I’m wasting your time, I’m sorry.’
The door slammed behind her.
Connie screwed her eyes up. Damn. She must have gone too far.
She had pushed Alice away.
‘Yes,
