well. He doesn’t even have any visible grey in his hair, and is not receding, or balding like a lot of men his age. He keeps himself trim, weekly visits to the gym, plus running and golf at the weekend. I can see why he gains female attention at work. There seem to be a lot of women employees at the district council offices. When I used to pop in to see Nathan on my lunch breaks, I’d noticed how the reception desk was manned by dolled-up, pretty women. Back when I really cared, it would bother me, how they tripped over themselves to speak to him, almost scrambling to get his attention. Even if I was standing with him, they would openly flirt, as if I wasn’t there.
I wonder who he’s shagging.
‘Come on, lazybones, you’re going to be late for work,’ he says as he bends to plant a kiss on my head.
‘Five more minutes.’ I stretch and make out I’m still tired. I am tired, as it happens. I lay awake for long periods in the night, thinking. About work. Or lack of it – and how I’m going to fill the endless hours each day. And thinking about Alice. How I might pay her a visit. The newspapers didn’t say much about her at the time of Kyle Mann’s arrest and subsequent trial; her husband, Edward, was the focus. The troubled father-son relationship, often speculative and also told through the subjectivity of neighbours, was what gained column inches; sold papers. It would perhaps be interesting to find out what part Alice herself played in her son’s delinquent behaviour; his ultimate ability to take another’s life.
‘I might be a bit late tonight, sorry. There’s a planning meeting at six, discussing the new project, remember – the expansion of a small industrial estate to incorporate a supermarket?’
He’d not spoken of it since the last meeting he’d had that had run over time. By two hours. ‘Oh yes, right. I’ll cook late then, for eight?’ I push my lips into a smile.
‘Oh, I would just put something back for me. You can never tell how long these meetings are going to take. No doubt Phil will have countless questions to ask right at the end – always does.’ Nathan doesn’t look me in the eye. It’s the first time I really feel it – the disloyalty. I’m not sure whether to be angry or sad, or thankful that at least someone’s giving him what he needs. How can I blame him for grasping any ounce of happiness that comes his way? Life has been such a struggle for us since losing Sean. If I had the inclination, I could probably stop him from straying. But I don’t, not at the moment. Plus, if his attention is elsewhere, I’ll be more likely to get away with my own indiscretion.
I wait until the front door bangs closed, listen to the car wheels noisily spewing small stone chippings as Nathan leaves the driveway, before I swing my legs from the bed. I shower and dress as I would for a normal workday.
Only, today isn’t normal.
Today is the first day of living a lie.
Or is it? Maybe that’s what I’ve already been doing up until today.
A change is as good as a rest, my mum would’ve said. Having no job to go to is certainly a change.
I don’t know where to find Alice. She didn’t say where she lived and I only gleaned a few things from her nervous chatter – like she works, or worked, part-time somewhere – but I can’t remember much, as I wasn’t taking it in. I didn’t ask any questions about her, or her life. I wasn’t interested before now.
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