a very short attention span and are easily diverted so use this to your advantage. On the verge of a strop (the toddler’s not yours) or just starting to do something you rather they didn’t, distract them. ‘Did you see that bird out the window? Quick let’s see if it’s still there!’ ‘Quick, come and see the spider running under the bed.’ Ok, there was no bird or spider but they don’t know that and while they’re looking for them they have completely forgotten what they were about to do. Use your imagination. Never forget you’re an adult and they are not yet four.
HOW TO AVOID GOING MAD
Whining
Although young children still have ‘young voices’, discourage them from regressing to whining or ‘baby voices’ when they want something. Crouch down so you are eye to eye and explain that you cannot understand what they are saying and would they please talk in a normal voice.
Snatching
As your toddler will have probably done very little socializing with other children they will not have come across many opportunities to share, and the first time another child snatches their favourite toy away may just be the first time your child whacks someone. Show them how to share by giving a toy to one child to play with for a certain time and then explaining that it is the other child’s turn with it.
Find a different toy to be played with in the meantime. When the time is up ask the child with the favoured toy to pass it to the other child and make a fuss of him when he does and vice versa.
If you have children coming to your house and your child has a very special toy, ask him if he is happy for other children to play with it, although they cannot take it home, or would he rather find some other toys they can play with and put the special toy away until they have left? Children are far more co-operative if they have had a hand in making the decision.
Also note that if you are visiting another child’s home that favourite toy had better remain at home if your child does not wish to share it, as long as he chooses another toy to take.
Aggression – biting, hitting and pinching
Children can demonstrate aggression by biting, kicking, hitting, pinching and throwing things. Don’t worry, it is not abnormal behaviour among toddlers, but it is totally unacceptable and must be immediately discouraged.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
If your daughter bites, hits or pinches another child, immediately tell her in your firm voice with a firm look on your face, ‘No, you are not to bite/hit/pinch.’ First, ask her to apologize to the victim and check the victim is ok. Then remove her to a quiet place to sit or stand with you for a few minutes’ cooling-off time. Do not talk to your child during the cooling-off time (about two minutes) as she might get to see it as one-to-one attention. Afterwards, explain that it is perfectly normal for children to get angry – Mummy gets angry and the best thing to do is to put your hands on your hips and say, ‘I am very angry.’ Get her to practise it in front of you and then send her back to play. The hands on the hips just occupies the hands, preventing her from lashing out.
If she throws something, immediately tell her, ‘No,’ and take her to pick it up and help clear up if anything was knocked over, then continue as above.
Why they are aggressive
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION
Toddlers can become angry just like adults. They are lacking in communication skills and feel they have no other ways of expressing themselves in certain situations, e.g. another child takes a toy from them. Explain how to express their feelings when somebody takes something. They should say, ‘No,’ to their friend or come and tell you or whoever is looking after them. If you have been on holiday or away on business they can be aggressive as a type of revenge for not seeing you, and again they have no other way to express themselves.
ATTENTION
Some children even this young will realize and enjoy the attention they receive when they bite or hit. Be sure to encourage and praise more social behaviour such as playing nicely with a friend, saying please or thank you. Make sure they are getting plenty of positive attention.
FEELING THREATENED
If children feel overwhelmed by their surroundings or there are too many children for them to cope with they may bite or lash out as a self-defence tactic if they feel endangered. If you feel your child is finding it hard to cope in certain situations try and avoid them until he or she is a few months older.
INSECURITY
Domestic arrangements suddenly changing can cause children to feel very unsettled and they may suddenly begin biting or become aggressive. Divorce, death, even parents returning to work can trigger this behaviour. Give your child plenty of reassurance.
TOO MUCH ENERGY
Toddlers have an abundance of energy which can build up inside them until they eventually ‘blow’. To avoid this pitfall make sure they have a good run around every day and some fresh air. If they sit in front of violent cartoons all day with no exercise they may well lash out if they are asked to do something they are not so keen on.
FEAR
If children feel afraid, in danger or threatened they can often misbehave to try and protect themselves. Three-and four-year-olds start to have a sense of the world around them and this can arouse all sorts of fears. If you think this is the problem, talk to and reassure your children. Never undermine children’s emotions.
COPYING
Some households still believe in slapping children as punishment and children from these families will automatically assume they can do the same.
If children pinch bottoms
