Two: Comfort
Many toddlers are too busy for cuddles; a toddler who starts to cling to his parents is usually one who is tired or hungry. If he comes to you for comfort, he certainly needs it; so let your child be a ‘cry baby’. All children, girls and boys, need to be allowed the natural healing process of tears. It’s a pity that they soon learn not to cry when they pick up what is ‘acceptable’ behaviour at school.
However, crying for toddlers usually means tantrums. Tantrums are normal behaviour at this developmental stage, and children have different reasons for losing their cool. Perhaps, therefore, we have to respond as we see fit on each occasion. Try not to let your toddler get overtired, and look out for signs of trouble brewing in advance, so you can head tantrums off.2
DISTRACTION RATHER THAN CONFRONTATION
If a confrontation develops, before you say no, think about how seriously you mean it. Try not to respond off the cuff. If the answer has to be no, you can still use distraction and negotiation, even while the bottom line is definitely no.
DID YOU KNOW? – you can’t spoil a baby!
Lots of people might suggest that picking your baby up when he cries will spoil him. However, in a study which has been quoted frequently, researchers studied 26 mother-and-baby pairs over a long period of time, and found that babies whose mothers responded quickly and consistently to their cries when they were babies, cried less when they were one year of age, than those whose mothers had ignored their cries.3
These findings are so interesting and seem so significant, that another researcher recently followed this up with a larger experiment. She looked at over 100 babies over four years, and this time worked with families where mothers might not normally be responsive to their babies’ cries. In some, experimenters taught the mothers to respond to the babies’ cries – the rest were ‘control’ families. The researchers found that in families where mothers were more responsive, the babies actually cried less.4
Say your toddler is demanding a chocolate biscuit just before dinner. You could distract him by pointing out that his favourite TV show is just starting, and by the time it’s finished, dinner should be ready. If he can hang on till then, he can have the chocolate biscuit for pudding. Toddlers need to learn delayed gratification, but they need help, too!
TANTRUM FACTS
• Children have tantrums only when they are with close family.5
• About half of all two-year-olds have tantrums almost daily.6
Step Three: Sleep
Hopefully, by this stage your baby is mostly sleeping through the night, and having a couple of good naps during the day. Have a look at Step 3 (pages 113–182) if there are issues for your family now. However, often when children start to move, they also start to battle about bedtimes, and the chapter called Can You Train Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night? (page 128) looks at this in more detail.
Supermarkets have become a no-go zone. I hate it. Now I either leave them at home, or get Daddy to do the shopping. I simply can’t get round a supermarket with all of them in tow. As far as tantrums in general go, my initial reaction used to be to lose my temper, though I knew this was unhelpful. Now I tend to go quiet and walk away. I reckon, ‘This is going to resolve itself, and doesn’t need me to add fuel to the fire.’
– Katherine, mother of Hugh, Thomas, Megan and Gareth
~ Times Change ~ Answer – 1981 ~
From Babyhood by Penelope Leach (2nd edn; Penguin)
~ Times change – does the advice stay the same? ~
The lungs do not expand to their full extent unless they are exercised every day. The infant has to cry – if nature is regularly thwarted by some well-meaning person who picks up the baby, there is a risk of the lungs remaining almost unexpanded.
During the first few weeks you will spend a lot of time feeding your baby. Treat it as an apprenticeship and, before you know it, you and your baby will be old hands at it. In this chapter we’ll look at the mechanics of feeding; the following chapter will look at how much and how often to feed your baby in the early weeks.
Bottle-feeding – How to Do It
There is a huge choice in formula-feeds – it can be difficult to decide what to buy. You will need at least six bottles and teats, some method of sterilizing, plus of course the formula.
It is probably best to be guided by your midwife and health visitor about which formula to start your baby on. She should also run through with you, at least once, how to prepare a bottle – but you must make sure that you read the instructions on the tin carefully, as it is important that the ratio of water to powder is correct. Don’t ever be tempted to make the milk thinner or thicker than instructed.
Bottle Feeding – A Step-by-Step Guide
1 Sterilize everything you are going to use – bottles, teats, measures, knife.
2 Boil more water than you need, and allow it to cool.
3 Fill each bottle to the correct level, using the cooled boiled water.
4 Using the spoon provided in the tin of formula, take a scoop of formula and level it with the knife. Don’t pat it down.
5 Add the powder to the bottle, put the top on and shake thoroughly.
6 Place in fridge until you want to use it.
7 When you want to feed the bottle to your baby, heat it by placing it in a jug of hot water. Test the temperature by shaking a few drops onto the skin in the crook of your arm, or the inside of your forearm.
8 Sit comfortably and hold your baby across your lap, sitting her a little upright if you can.
9 Keep the bottle at an angle, so the teat is full, to avoid air bubbles.
Breastfeeding – How to Do It
Have you ever wondered why it’s called ‘breastfeeding’ not ‘nipple feeding’? Because your baby feeds from a mouth full of breast – she
