his heart, that is, and that was shrivelled up like a prune. But what if Billy had done the same? What if he just got fed up with all the hassle and took off? Tears came to Dixie’s eyes. What was the matter with her anyway? Why couldn’t she ever find a good man?
At 2. 20 a.m. the screen door banged.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Dixie cried.
Billy brushed past her.
‘Do you know what time it is? You scared me half to death, being gone so late.’ She grabbed his arm.
‘Let go of me. I need a piss.’
Dixie followed him into the bathroom. ‘You been drinking all this time? Jeez, Billy, it’s almost two thirty in the morning. Who were you with?’
‘You sound like your goddamned mother, Dixie, with all your fucking questions.’
‘I was worried, for Pete’s sake. Why didn’t you call me? I was practically ready to phone the police.’
Billy pushed past her in the bathroom doorway and headed upstairs.
‘So where were you?’ she asked, following him.
Furiously Billy turned around. ‘For Christ’s sake, Dixie, would you shut the fuck up?’ He gave her a little shove. Not hard. Not enough to push her down the stairs like last time, but she stumbled and had to grapple quickly for the handrail to catch herself. Billy went on upstairs.
Dixie hurried after him. ‘Who were you with? Why ain’t you telling me?’ She couldn’t keep from crying. ‘What’s her name? Because if there’s somebody else, Billy, I want you to tell me now.’
‘It ain’t no one,’ he said and fell on to the bed. He fumbled with the buttons of his shirt.
‘Don’t go humiliating me in front of everybody.’
‘Dixie, would you shut the fuck up? I wasn’t out with no woman. It was just the boys.’
‘What boys?’
‘The boys. The usual.’
‘What boys?’
‘I said, shut the fuck up with your nagging.’ And he hit her.
Dixie ducked to miss his fist but he wasn’t as drunk as she’d thought, because his aim wasn’t off any. The blow landed hard against the right side of her face just where the cheekbone meets the bottom of the ear. Clutching at the pain, Dixie crumpled.
‘I wasn’t out with no woman,’ Billy said, his voice gentler, ‘because that’s what you’re still thinking, isn’t it?’
Still doubled over, Dixie continued to clutch the side of her face.
Billy knelt down in front of her. ‘Did you hear me, Dix? That’s the truth. Ain’t no woman in my life but you.’ His voice was apologetic, the way it always was after he’d hurt her. ‘Why did you make me hit you? I’m sorry. But come on now. Everything’s OK.’
Dixie struggled to stop the tears.
Billy rose up. ‘If you got to know the truth, I was out with Roy and Mike.’
‘Roy and Mike?’ Dixie asked, perplexed. ‘I thought they were working up Indian Creek. On Baker’s ranch.’
‘Yeah.’
‘So what were you doing out with them?’ she asked, still cupping her hand tenderly over her cheek.
Stripped down to his underpants, Billy rolled into bed and pulled the sheet up. ‘We’ll talk in the morning. I’m dog-tired now.’
Dixie sat down on the edge of the bed. Reaching for a tissue, she blew her nose as best she could and sat a few minutes, waiting for the pain to settle down. Then she looked over. Billy was acting like he was already asleep but she could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t.
‘What were you doing out with Roy and Mike?’ she asked quietly.
‘If you got to know,’ he said without bothering to open his eyes, ‘me and them were working together.’
‘At the sawmill?’
‘Fuck the stupid sawmill, Dixie,’ Billy said and looked over wearily. ‘Standing there in that hell-hot building, running that fucking stripper. Having that asshole supervisor coming around every two minutes like I’m a fucking kid. Fuck it all to hell.’
‘So what you’re saying is you haven’t been working at the sawmill, even though you were telling me you were?’
He didn’t reply.
‘Instead, you been out at the ranch all this time? Doing what?’
‘Branding.’
‘Branding? That’s going to last like, what? A week?’
Suddenly she realized what was going on. ‘Ah, OK, I get it. That’s why you were boozing tonight, huh? Today was your last day.’
‘It’s a good deal, Dix. ’Cause if I get in with the foreman, I reckon he’ll get Baker to rent me some pasture there next year for my horses, once the guide business takes off.’
Dixie’s vision blurred with renewed tears. ‘It might be a good deal if you had some horses, but you don’t, Billy. Cowboying’s never a good deal, and you know it.’
‘Oh shit, don’t cry again.’
‘What am I going to tell that funeral man? Where am I going to get his money by the end of September?’
‘What about you going back on the checkout at Pay’n Save? You don’t got Jamie now. Hanging around here by yourself all day isn’t going to help you feel better, Dixie. And Jesus, they want someone. I was just in there the other night and the line was a mile long.’
Dixie bent forward and covered her face with her hands.
‘Don’t be so gloomy all the time,’ Billy said in a cheery voice and patted her back. ‘We’ll get through. We always do.’
Dixie couldn’t sleep. She lay in the dark and listened to Billy’s soft, drunken snoring. Her cheek hurt something terrible and she knew she was going to end up with a black eye. Mama would see straightaway that Billy had hit her, no matter what explanation Dixie came up with. Better just to stay away from Mama until it went down. That was easier than explaining Billy.
Tears again. Dixie swallowed to keep them down. She wasn’t crying so much about having to keep making excuses for the things Billy did or even about the money. Mostly it was just that she hurt. She was sick of hurting. Sick of pain, whether it was because of Billy or because of Jamie Lee, or just because life was such a bitch.
Chapter Six
In the morning when she looked in the mirror, things were worse even than Dixie had feared. Her eye was nearly swollen shut and what little eyeball showed was bloody red.
Stupid
