a lot more complicated. You need to get through this however you can.’
‘I feel sad all the time and I cry… all the time,’ said Eleanor, looking wretched.
‘I know, sweetie, and that’s completely normal. Someone once told me that grief is like any wound, it needs time to heal. Thing is, it’s not a scab on your knee, so you can’t see how it’s getting on.’
‘It won’t get better though, will it? Mum and Dad are never coming back. We’ll never be a happy family again.’ She paused for a moment. ‘I know we argue sometimes but we did used to be happy.’ Eleanor pulled Wriggly onto her lap and he wagged his tail excitedly.
‘We did,’ nodded Charlie. ‘It will take time, lots of tears and lots of cuddles but I promise you you’ll get back to being happy. It’ll just be a different kind of happy,’ she said but Eleanor didn’t look convinced. ‘When you’re ready, come and get some food. Okay?’
The last couple of months had been a blur and too awful to put into words. They had all been suffering. It was probably Eleanor who worried Charlie the most as she had gone into her shell and spent all her time with Wriggly, barely speaking to anyone and surviving almost entirely on milkshakes.
The accident had hit Charlie hard too. She had learnt so much from the Cobleys. She’d learnt that if there was ever a cement shortage Weetabix was a viable substitute, having tried to remove it from a myriad surfaces, including her own hair. She’d learnt that you never leave a baby to play innocently with a thread in a Berber carpet, as it soon becomes a four-foot-long bald strip. She’d learnt to change a nappy at record speed, to avoid the horror of a poo-covered bottom rolling across a vanilla-coloured wool rug. But, most importantly, she’d learnt that whatever happens, you stick together as a family.
Charlie struggled to believe it herself, that Helen and Toby Cobley were both dead. When she heard a car stop outside she still occasionally had a quick look to check it wasn’t them. How quickly their world had been changed. A simple car accident on a wet motorway had become a multiple-car pile up, with the Cobley’s car somewhere in the middle.
Charlie’s immediate fear had been that the children would be taken into the care of Social Services. That fear still hung over her and it would do until the question of guardianship had been resolved. She knew too well what it was like to be a child in the care system and she was desperate for the Cobley children to avoid this fate.
Charlie joined the others at the table, where Millie was using her carrot sticks to beat out an interesting rhythm.
Ted put his cutlery down when she approached. ‘Is she okay?’ he asked, but before Charlie could get a reply out George threw his cutlery down hard onto the table, making Millie jump.
‘Of course she’s not bloody well okay!’ George shouted at his brother. ‘She’s never going to be okay. None of us are. What made you suddenly care?’
‘Come on, George, don’t be an arse,’ said Ted as he went to give George a friendly nudge.
‘Don’t shove me! You’re not in charge,’ yelled George, scraping his chair across the floor as he stood up sharply. George stood over Ted with his fists clenched.
‘Hey, calm down. I’m not trying to be in charge. Nobody is in charge any more.’
‘You think you’re the man of the house now. But you’re not!’
‘Technically, I think I am,’ said Ted, standing up and towering over George, ‘but I’m not going to fight with you.’ However, it seemed George had other ideas and launched himself at Ted, pummelling his torso with his fists. Charlie leapt forward but Ted raised a hand to stop her. Instead of hitting back or even defending himself, Ted pulled George to him, enveloped him in a hug and took the blows until George wore himself out. The happy-go-lucky George was missing and an angry boy was in his place, ready to shout and argue with anyone, about anything. Charlie sorely hoped this was a temporary phase of the grieving process.
Charlie looked at Ted, and right at that moment she was immensely proud of him. He’d been up and down emotionally himself, but it was clear he was trying to hold it together for the younger ones. George clung onto Ted until the worst of the crying had left him and then he pushed him harshly away and stormed off. Charlie listened and was pleased to hear his bedroom door slam; at least it wasn’t the front door.
‘Naughty step! Naughty step!’ chanted Millie happily, waving a carrot stick in time.
As Charlie was clearing away the lunch things in an empty kitchen the doorbell rang. Whilst Charlie loved the house, a stuccoed townhouse in the heart of Pimlico, the fact that it was split over five floors could be a pain sometimes. She sprinted up the steps from the kitchen, taking a towel with her to dry her hands. They had a state-of-the-art dishwasher but recently she’d taken to washing up, as she’d found if she kept herself busy it made things a fraction easier.
She opened the door to the hunched figure of Felix, his jacket collar turned up and his hands thrust into his jeans pockets.
‘Oh, it’s you.’
Felix rolled his lips in on themselves like a chimp. ‘Thought I should call round.’
‘A phone call first would have been good.’
‘I lost the number.’ He shrugged. ‘Last time didn’t go well. I thought I should try to get to know the kids a bit better.’
Charlie eyed him warily, stepped outside and pulled the door almost closed behind her.
‘Look, that’s all very well but if you’re planning on buggering off again at a moment’s notice it’s best you don’t bother in the first place.’ Charlie belatedly added a brief smile. ‘I’m really not trying to be unkind but…’
‘It’s not up to you, though, is it?’ said Felix, quickly zipping up his jacket as a light breeze dawdled down the overcast London street. ‘Can I come inside?’ He stepped towards the front door. He and Charlie were now stood very close to each other, he smelled soapy. Charlie held tight to the door. ‘I don’t know…’
‘Please,’ added Felix and Charlie let the door go. Maybe Charlie wasn’t the most tactful of people but she wanted him to understand that she was trying to protect the children.
Ted was sitting at the kitchen table spinning a coin repeatedly and staring at it intently. He picked it up and put it in his pocket as Charlie and Felix entered the room. Ted sat up straight, narrowed his eyes and stared at Felix.
‘It’s very quiet. Have the children run away?’ asked Charlie, as she filled the kettle.
‘Last time I looked they were trying to put clothes on Wriggly for a fashion show.’
‘Not again! Ted, can you stop them, please? Last time he went outside wearing a teddy bear’s Arsenal kit he peed all over it. See if you can interest them in playing something outside with Uncle Felix.’
‘I can try,’ said Ted as he stood up and shrugged at Felix.
‘Best thing to happen to an Arsenal kit,’ chuckled Felix.
‘Arsenal fan,’ said Ted, pointing at Charlie, and he idly swatted at a fly as it flew past.
‘Argh!’ shouted Charlie as the fly flew
