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The actor Daniel Day-Lewis always encounters problems when visiting Indonesia as his name literally translates as ‘Call me a taxi’.
The South African driving test is the only one in the world that contains a section on fighting off an attacker.
If taking your driving test in Chile, don’t forget your Driving Owl, which should be relatively clean and presented without hesitation or wiping.
The oldest person ever to pass their driving test was Hector Esposito of Monclova, Mexico, who was awarded his licence at the age of 103. Four years later he was disqualified from driving after a routine police stop discovered him to be dead.
In Tonga the king has not heard of cars and as a result everyone else must pretend they have not heard of cars either, even though they have.
In 1976 Sweden passed a new law stating that all motorists must throw a fresh fish out of their car window at 1km intervals. The law was repealed eight months later when it was discovered that the country had accidentally elected a herring gull as prime minister.
In Malaysia the penalty for being caught speeding is that you must eat your entire car, even the hot bits.
In Finland the driving test includes a requirement for new motorists to ‘prove they can hover in a stable way’. That’s because the Finnish word for ‘car’ is the same as the Finnish word for ‘enormous helicopter’ and the government can’t be bothered to sort it out.
In Arkansas it is illegal to drive with your eyes shut, unless it’s raining.
For most people Ford Escort is a car, but not for the people of Uruguay who, in 1987, elected a man called Ford Escort as their president. His first act was to ban the sale of the Ford Escort in his country on the grounds that it was ‘confusing’.
In Japan denting another car is punishable by feeling very embarrassed for up to three years.
IN COLOMBIA IT IS ILLEGAL FOR A GOAT TO DRIVE A CAR, UNLESS IT HAS PASSED ITS DRIVING TEST.
Came to Johannesburg to record the first show in the series, even though it’ll be the second to go live. That way if it all goes wrong, we’ve got more time to fix it.
First time we’d seen the tent put up since we gave it a trial run on a damp farm in Hertfordshire a few months ago. Looks a bit better here. First night, sent James off to go spinning. He came back to the hotel bar covered in dirt and stinking like a tyre fire. Decided having a beer was more important than getting changed, even though bar was packed. Maybe people think he always smells like that. Lion costume delivered, to ‘eat’ a star guest. It’s been hard to find a realistic one. Ignored Jeremy’s suggestion to ‘use a real lion’. Next day we filmed the show. Presenters liked the idea of first studio recording being here because they’ve performed live shows in South Africa before and the audiences are always amazing which makes everything go with a swing. Sure enough, they were great. Everyone on the crew happy, had a small party back at the hotel at which Richard bought half the bar and Jeremy made our Dutch tech team race around the hotel garden. Up late this morning, about to go to airport then remembered we needed to make short film for very important American TV critics’ conference apologising for not being there. Remembered animal costume used yesterday so got one of crew to put it on and deliver message to camera as a talking lion while presenters sat in the background. American TV critics will think we’re a bit strange. Oh well. See you soon,
THE GRAND TOUR
a.k.a.
REPÚBLICA PORTUGUESA
(If you are Portuguese and also very formal)
Portuguese inventions include peri-peri sauce and therefore also the invention of teenagers going on crap dates to chicken restaurants.
Population:
11 MILLION
The Algarve International Circuit at Portimão is famed for its challenging, technical design, which has been known to make Jeremy Clarkson’s house explode.
Capital:
LISBON
THE MOTTO OF PORTUGAL IS ‘MMM, CUSTARD TARTS’.
In 1373 Britain and Portugal signed the Anglo-Portuguese Alliance, which is still in force today. This agreement promises that each nation shall defend the other in the event of war, as long as they’re not too busy and it’s not a bank holiday or anything.
Currency:
EURO
Portuguese explorer Pedro Álvares Cabral was the first European to discover Brazil, although he also found it was too big to bring home with him.
Famous people:
CRISTIANO RONALDO (FOOTBALLER), LUÍS FIGO (FOOTBALLER), RUI COSTA (FOOTBALLER), JOSÉ MOURINHO (FOOTBALL MANAGER), VASCO
