was a long, heavy silence and soon Bella’s breathing became regular in the way it always did when she dropped off to sleep. Ben couldn’t sleep. His mind was too preoccupied. He loved her, of that he was certain. She was sexy, clever and utterly captivating. She made his head swim and his heart dance. But for the first time, Ben thought, there was something else about her. He stared into the darkness, trying to put his finger on what it was. Eventually, just as his eyelids were beginning to droop, the words came to him. Sometimes … she scared him.
‘How’s Ben?’ Charlotte deliberately kept her eyes on her cappuccino, stirring it rhythmically, as she waited for the answer.
She had been surprised by the call from Ben’s sister, Emma, asking her to meet, sensing that there was an ulterior motive. Around them, the cramped coffee shop in Soho was beginning to fill with lunchtime customers and the noise levels were rising with them. Someone bumped the back of Charlotte’s chair, causing some of the milky coffee to spill into the saucer.
‘He’s good. Really good, actually.’
Emma’s emphasis on the word ‘really’ made Charlotte look up. ‘Great. And he’s still with …?’
‘Bella,’ Emma cut in. ‘Yes. Very much so.’
Charlotte nodded, knowing she had no right to feel anything other than pleased for him.
‘Actually,’ Emma continued. ‘I’ve got some news. He asked me to tell you.’
Charlotte felt her stomach clench in anticipation. So she had been right. There was an ulterior motive and it sounded ominous. ‘OK.’
Emma took a careful sip of her coffee, which was black and decaf. No fattening cappuccinos for her. Then she took a deep breath, before blurting out her words. ‘They’re getting married. She’s pregnant.’
Charlotte’s vision blurred momentarily and she reeled backwards slightly, grateful for the steadying resistance of the leather cushion behind her. ‘Pregnant?’ she stuttered. ‘But … it’s so quick!’
‘I know.’ Emma put her coffee cup down on the saucer slightly too hard so that some of the dark liquid sloshed over the rim. ‘We’re all a bit in shock but Ben is doing a good impression of being delighted.’
Charlotte tried to take stock of how she was feeling. She had no right to be upset. She had broken Ben’s heart and left him feeling wrung-out and confused. But the truth was, she was upset. She felt, bizarrely, like he had betrayed her. She took a sip of her cappuccino, aware that her hand shook slightly as she lifted her cup. ‘Do you not believe him then, that he’s happy about it?’
Emma raised a prettily arched eyebrow. ‘Who knows? I’m only his sister and we’re not as close as we were …’ She paused, her eyes momentarily drifting. ‘But he isn’t saying anything other than that he’s delighted. At the very least, he must be pretty shocked.’
‘Unless they planned it?’ Charlotte ventured. ‘He never made any secret of the fact that he wanted children …’ She tailed off, as she thought about the number of times she and Ben had discussed it. Maybe it was that that had spooked her enough to leave. It seemed so huge. And although she knew that she wanted kids one day, she still felt too young.
‘I don’t think they planned it.’ Emma shook her head vehemently. ‘Definitely not. They would only have been together for a week or so when she conceived – if that! – and although it’s true that Ben has always wanted children, he’s not the reckless type. He would have wanted to make sure they were ready before taking such a big step.’
Charlotte nodded. Emma was right. Ben wasn’t the reckless type. But he did seem to have fallen madly in love very quickly. Maybe it had clouded his judgement. ‘What’s she like?’
‘Bella?’ Emma raised her large blue eyes as she considered. ‘She’s sort of perfect.’
Charlotte felt a little spike of jealousy shoot through her.
‘She’s so good-looking, it makes me sick,’ Emma continued, seemingly unaware of the turmoil she was creating in Charlotte’s head. ‘And she’s certainly lifted him out of himself. He seems genuinely happy again. I was a bit worried about him for a while there …’
Charlotte shifted uncomfortably in her chair. ‘Well, that’s good. He deserves to be happy.’
Emma nodded fondly. ‘He does. He’s a good boy.’ Even though Ben was 30, she still referred to her younger brother as a boy. She fixed her wide blue eyes on Charlotte. ‘And how about you, Charlotte? How are you getting on?’
Charlotte smiled. ‘I’m OK. I’m starting to get myself together again – at last!’
‘Still living with Lucy?’
Charlotte nodded. ‘But I think I might have outstayed my welcome. Need to think about finding somewhere of my own.’
There was a pause, before Emma gave her a sly look. ‘And what about your love life?’
Charlotte felt her cheeks flush. ‘What love life?’ She tried to make the remark light-hearted but her voice cracked slightly as she spoke.
‘Oh.’ Emma looked down. ‘I thought you had met someone else. Ben certainly seemed to think so …’
‘He was wrong about that,’ Charlotte interrupted her. She paused, unsure how to articulate what she wanted to say. ‘I know he thought that maybe I had something with a guy from work but we’re just friends. I think it made it easier for him to think that … rather than that I just wanted some time on my own to work things out.’
Emma nodded. ‘Do you think …’ She hesitated, as if she sensed that she might be stepping over a line. ‘Do you think you would have gone back to Ben, once you’d had some time to yourself?’
Charlotte swallowed hard. It was the question she had been asking herself every day since she left Ben. ‘It’s irrelevant, isn’t it? By the time I had worked things out in my head, he was all loved up with Bella. It wouldn’t have been fair to get back in touch.’
Emma frowned. ‘Wouldn’t that have been for him to decide? He was so heartbroken when you left, Charlie. It might at least have helped restore his confidence.’
Charlotte shrugged again, trying to feign a nonchalance she didn’t feel. ‘Well, I didn’t, so like I say, it’s irrelevant now.’ She didn’t want to say that she felt huge regret that she hadn’t gone back to Ben sooner. Being without him had shown her that he really was the only one for her.
She had been with him for twelve years, ever since they met at university and it was once they started talking seriously about marriage and children that, for some reason, she got cold feet. She still didn’t understand why. But a short time apart was all it took to make her realize how much she loved and needed him.
‘It’s never too late you know …’ Emma said, almost to herself, as she drained her coffee.
Charlotte gave a wry laugh. ‘I think you’ll find that in this case, it is very definitely too late.’
