There was one service more, in the afternoon, at which I needed not to have done anything; but having a desire to serve the Lord, though I often knew not how to do it scripturally, and knowing that this aged and unenlightened clergyman had had this living for forty-eight years, and having therefore reason to believe that the gospel scarcely ever had been preached in that place, I had it in my heart to preach again in the afternoon. It came to my mind to read the fifth chapter of Matthew, and to make such remarks as I was able. I did so. Immediately upon beginning to expound “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” etc., I felt myself greatly assisted; and whereas in the morning my sermon had not been simple enough for the people to understand it, I now was listened to with the greatest attention, and I think was also understood. My own peace and joy were great. I felt this a blessed work.
On my way to Halle I thought, this is the way I should like always to preach. But then it came immediately to my mind that such sort of preaching might do for illiterate country people, but that it never would do before a well-educated assembly in town. I thought the truth ought to be preached at all hazards, but it ought to be given in a different form, suited to the hearers. Thus I remained unsettled in my mind as it regards the mode of preaching; and it is not surprising that I did not then see the truth concerning this matter, for I did not understand the work of the Spirit, and therefore saw not the powerlessness of human eloquence. Further, I did not keep in mind that if the most illiterate persons in the congregation can comprehend the discourse, the most educated will understand it too; but that the reverse does not hold true.
It was not till three years afterwards that I was led, through grace, to see what I now consider the right mode of preparation for the public preaching of the word. But about this, if God permit, I will say more when I come to that period of my life.
It was about this time that I formed the plan of exchanging the University of Halle for that of Berlin, on account of there being a greater number of believing professors and students in the latter place. But the whole plan was formed without prayer, or at least without earnest prayer. When, however, the morning came on which I had to apply for the university testimonials, the Lord graciously stirred me up prayerfully to consider the matter; and finding that I had no sufficient reason for leaving Halle, I gave up the plan, and have never had reason to regret having done so.
The public means of grace by which I could be benefited were very few. Though I went regularly to church when I did not preach myself, yet I scarcely ever heard the truth; for there was no enlightened clergyman in the town. And when it so happened that I could hear Dr. Tholuck, or any other godly minister, the prospect of it beforehand, and the looking back upon it afterwards, served to fill me with joy. Now and then I walked ten or fifteen miles to enjoy this privilege.
Another means of grace which I attended, besides the Saturday-evening meetings in brother Wagner’s house, was a meeting every Lord’s-day evening with the believing students, six or more in number, increased, before I left Halle, to about twenty. In these meetings, one or two, or more, of the brethren prayed, and we read the Scriptures, sang hymns, and sometimes also one or another of the brethren spoke a little in the way of exhortation, and we read also such writings of godly men as were calculated for edification. I was often greatly stirred up and refreshed in these meetings; and twice, being in a backsliding state, and therefore cold and miserable, I opened my heart to the brethren, and was brought out of that state through the means of their exhortations and prayers.
As to the other means of grace, I would say, I fell into the snare into which so many young believers fall, the reading of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. I read tracts, missionary papers, sermons, and biographies of godly persons. I never had been at any time of my life in the habit of reading the Holy Scriptures. When under fifteen years of age, I occasionally read a little of them at school; afterwards God’s precious book was entirely laid aside, so that I never read one single chapter of it till it pleased God to begin a work of grace in my heart. Now the scriptural way of reasoning would have been: God himself has consented to be an author, and I am ignorant about that precious book, which his Holy Spirit has caused to be written through the instrumentality of his servants, and it contains that which I ought to know, the knowledge of which will lead me to true happiness; therefore I ought to read again and again this most precious book of books, most earnestly, most prayerfully, and with much meditation; and in this practice I ought to continue all the days of my life. But instead of acting thus, my difficulty in understanding it, and the little enjoyment I had in it, made me careless of reading it; and thus, like many believers, I practically preferred, for the first four years of my divine life, the works of uninspired men to the oracles of the living God. The consequence was, that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and grace.
The last and most important means of grace, prayer, was comparatively but little used by me. I prayed, and prayed often, and in general, by the grace of God, with sincerity; but had I prayed as earnestly as I have of late years, I should have made much more rapid progress.
CHAPTER III.
SELF-DEDICATION.
1826–1829.
DESIRE FOR MISSIONARY LABOR—PROVIDENTIAL RELEASE FROM MILITARY SERVICE—VISIT AT HOME—LED TO THE LAND OF HIS FUTURE LABORS—PROGRESS IN RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE—DESIRE FOR IMMEDIATE USEFULNESS.
In August, 1827, I heard that the Continental Society in England intended to send a minister to Bucharest, the residence of many nominal German Christians, to help an aged brother in the work of the Lord. After consideration and prayer, I offered myself for this work to Professor Tholuck, who was requested to look out for a suitable individual; for with all my weakness I had a great desire to live wholly for God. Most unexpectedly my father gave his consent, though Bucharest was above a thousand miles from my home, and as completely a missionary station as any other. I now prepared with earnestness for the work of the Lord. I set before me the sufferings which might await me. And he who once so fully served Satan was now willing, constrained by the love of Christ, rather to suffer affliction for the sake of Jesus than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. I also prayed with a degree of earnestness concerning my future work.
One day, at the end of October, the above-mentioned brother, Hermann Ball, missionary to the Jews, stated that he feared, on account of his health, he should be obliged to give up laboring among the Jews. When I heard this, I felt a peculiar desire to fill up his place. About this very time, also, I became exceedingly fond of the Hebrew language, which I had cared about very little up to that time, and which I had merely studied now and then, from a sense of duty. But now I studied it, for many weeks, with the greatest eagerness and delight. Whilst I thus from time to time felt a desire to fill up brother Ball’s place, and whilst I thus greatly delighted in the study of Hebrew, I called, in the evening of November 17, on Dr. Tholuck. In the course of conversation he asked me whether I had ever had a desire to be a missionary to the Jews, as I might be connected with the London Missionary Society for promoting Christianity among them, for which he was an agent. I was struck with the question, and told him what had passed in my mind, but added that it was not proper to think anything about that, as I was going to Bucharest; to which he agreed.
When I came home, however, these few words were like fire within me. The next morning I felt all desire for going to Bucharest gone, which appeared to me very wrong and fleshly, and I therefore entreated the Lord to restore to me the former desire for laboring on that missionary station. He graciously did so almost immediately. My earnestness in studying Hebrew, and my peculiar love for it, however, continued.
About ten days after, Dr. Tholuck received a letter from the Continental. Society, stating, that on account of the war between the Turks and Russians, it appeared
