what this also means to you is you are no longer able to drive.”
Boom!
This was such a shock to Brenda. It’s one thing to be told you have cancer, but the severity was driven home (pardon the pun) when she lost her license. Her life was now being dictated by others, and the implications began to flood her mind. What about my work with leaders? How will I get to party days at preschool? Can I fly? Can we go to Kauai as we had planned and do each January?
How long do we have? Anyone in this kind of situation cannot help but ask the question of how long they will live, and our entire family wanted an answer.
I feel deeply for doctors who are put in the position of having this question asked, but they must get it all the time. I could not help but think that, when asked, doctors have a miniature lawyer from the hospital on their shoulder guiding their next words legally, as they cannot really give a precise answer, and there might always be a possibility of litigation from making a promise they cannot keep. Doctors work off of their experience and reams of data when answering. So the answer is always an average. It could be longer; it could be shorter.
Dr. Whitman responded with a range, saying that probably Brenda would be dead by June, but then she added, “You definitely will probably not see another Christmas.”
Boom!
Another shock wave went through the room, and all of us were stunned. Brenda then calmly and kindly responded, “You don’t number our days.” The doctor acknowledged this with admiration for Brenda’s response.
Brenda was referencing the story of Job in the Bible where he acknowledged that his days were determined, and the number was with God. God has appointed limits that we cannot pass (Job 14:5).
Brenda knew her Bible well, having read through it every year for as long as I can remember. So I cannot help but think that Brenda was already reflecting on Psalm 90:12 where the psalmist instructs, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (ESV).
So I invite you in to our numbering of days with Brenda and in doing so pray that you may get a heart of wisdom into how you might number your days with faith, relationships, prayer, and the fun of making precious memories.
Within one day our daughter-in-law Kristin set up a communication and support system using the wonderful tool of Caring Bridge online, helped by her dear friend and Arrow graduate Steph, whom we Pues lovingly refer to as “the other brother,” along with Sharon, Kristin’s mother. It’s an online journal that allowed Brenda to communicate without our having to answer literally thousands of calls or messages.
What follows is that journal, starting on Day 12.
Day
12
to
50
Day 12—This Week
By Kristin Pue—January 12, 2014 1:32 p.m.
This week Mom will be having some further X-rays and an MRI. An amazing community of people surrounds us, and we know how much each of you cares for our family. Mom and Dad do not have the capacity for personal phone calls and emails at this time, and we ask that you use our online Caring Bridge site and the update email address for all contacts. We will do our best to keep you updated as regularly as possible.
My mom, Sharon Paterson, has become the point person for contact during this time. This week we will be setting up the planner for meal preparation and any other ways that you can practically help during this time. For those of you that don’t know, Mom’s driver’s license has been taken away, and so we will most likely need some help with driving—this will also become part of the planner section on this site.
Thank you for coming alongside of us in this journey. We covet your prayers and your support and know that God has surrounded us with all of you for such a time as this.
Day 13—Deeply Moved
By Brenda Pue—January 13, 2014 10:32 p.m.
I started reading posts in the guest book and am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, concern and prayer. Lots of tears, lots of smiles. Thank you doesn’t seem enough, but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Please know that even though we are still absorbing the impact of this news—it’s only been two days—God is holding us close, giving us peace and moments of such tenderness and beauty in the midst of seeming chaos.
Three prayer requests:
1. Healing
2. Fast genetic testing, which will allow accurate treatment
3. Intimacy with God to overcome fear
Day 14—My Family
By Brenda Pue—January 15, 2014 12:38 a.m.
I woke up this morning with Psalm 16:6 on my heart: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (NIV).
I first met Carson when we were 18 years old. I was drawn to him by his passion for God, which seemed to match mine. My, we’ve had a good life together…which does not equal easy…but oh so fulfilling. He has made me feel so special, so accepted, and so loved. He’s challenged me when that was needed and helped me to be the person I am today. There is so much I love about him. Watching him navigate my cancer diagnosis, arguably the greatest challenge we have yet faced together, has been nothing short of inspiring. True to form, he has been wise, real, and faith-filled. How blessed I am to be married to him.
My three grown sons, Jason, Jeremy, and Jonathan, have blessed me beyond measure. I love who they’ve become by God’s grace—men of faith, integrity and humility who bring large doses of love, laughter, and grace wherever they go. And my three daughters, Kristin, Shari, and Kirstie—wow! They are so lovely, beyond what I asked God for and beyond what I could even imagine. And my grandchildren…I can’t quite find the words. Watching them all process the news of my cancer has been the greatest pain I have ever known. We are deeply committed to journeying this road together and figuring out how to do it well with God’s help.
Three prayers on my heart today:
1. For my husband—more courage, faith, and wisdom as he leads me, our family, and others.
2. For my children—that God would draw them close, give them courage, and to find the wonders God has for us.
3. The kids gave us a family photo shoot for Christmas, and we’ve decided to do it sooner rather than later—pray that it will be a great day for us all, including the weather.
Day 15—Medical Tests and Blessings
By Brenda Pue—January 15, 2014 11:43 p.m.
Today I visited the third different hospital in 10 days, this time for an MRI of a lesion spotted at the base of my brain. My doctors are 99 percent certain that the lesion has spread from the tumour that is in my lung. The lung cancer was confirmed just four days ago, and we learned about this brain lesion at the same time. As well there was a “spot” in one of the bones in my back.
I lost my driver’s license that same night due to the risk of seizures and
