We welcome your prayer support wherever you are, as you are able!
What a great day!
Day 21—It Happened at Pandora, of All Places…
By Brenda Pue—January 21, 2014 10:57 p.m.
Another rich start to the day in the Psalms!
Carson headed off to work this morning for the first time, and my heart was full that he could be about his ministry calling today, doing what he does so well—loving, leading, serving God and others with such grace and transparency. Carson handed off the “wife care” baton to my sweet friend. This arrangement is in place in case of a seizure event, and I might add that only a very sweet friend would sign up for that job. But today is her birthday, and we had plans to celebrate together, as we have done for so many years. What fine memories we have!
She was given a Pandora bracelet for Christmas, and I really wanted to get her a charm from me for her birthday this year. So off we went to pick out the perfect one! We were having so much fun on this outing, and then it happened…I started weeping quietly right there at the counter. The bewildered salesperson, someone I’d never met, reached out and put her hand on top of mine. It took me a while to recover.
I have chosen to live life with faith, and I know that my emotions in this season are a good and vital part of this journey. I am learning much from the psalmist these days. And it is good. I love life. I love people. I love God. Passionately! The past 10 days have only refocused and deepened that love for me. I choose life. I choose blessing. I choose faith. And that is making all the difference right now!
Day 22—Unexpected…
By Brenda Pue—January 22, 2014 10:29 p.m.
We thought our day was nicely laid out and organized. We had a plan! We love planning. We would meet my new doctor (a radiology oncologist) at 8:15 a.m. at the cancer clinic for a “consult” and then would be on our way home by 10:30.
This is such a new, strange world to me. We learned much about my diagnosis today. I like my oncologist. He is quiet, gentle, knowledgeable, patient and skilled. Pretty much the kind of guy I want to have on board at a time like this. He spent almost two hours with us. I asked lots of questions, and he asked more. At the end of the appointment, he sent us to a different part of the building to watch a video about radiation therapy. We were ready to leave for the day and move forward with our “plan”—Carson heading into work, and me with a couple of appointments that we were looking forward to. That was not to be. Instead…
- my radiation therapy treatment started today
- a new blood panel was ordered and drawn
- a diagnostic mammogram [was] booked
- an appointment [was] booked with a chemotherapy oncologist
- the oncology team decided to move forward with a biopsy of the mass in the lung
That two-hour appointment turned into a seven-hour episode. A dear friend and mentor once told me that “confidence is a by-product of predictability.” It is a wonderful truth. The problem is that there is nothing predictable about a cancer diagnosis. The target keeps moving. And God is meeting me even in the chaos and confusion of the unexpected.
Day 23—Much Needed Peace and Quiet
By Brenda Pue—January 23, 2014 10:58 p.m.
Today started quietly for us, and I was grateful. I’m on an anti-inflammatory medication to control cranial swelling that wreaks havoc with sleep. So I’ve been doing a split-shift thing with sleep the past week…awake from 2:30 a.m. to 4:30 or 5:00, and sometimes I’m able to get a couple more hours before getting up for the day.
Now that radiation treatments have started, I am being weaned off that medication. I’m praying that the radiation will work quickly and efficiently so I can stay off. The net result of all this is that I’m pretty much done in shortly after dinnertime.
I had my second radiation treatment later this afternoon, and due to the timing of that appointment, we were not able to make our prayer time with our church elders. I was pretty disappointed about that. It is still a high priority for me, and so we will plan to reschedule. My thanks to all of you who prayed anyway. I am deeply moved by your care, kindness and faith. What an amazing gift you are giving to my family and me.
Tomorrow will be my third radiation treatment, and then I get a break for the weekend before starting again on Monday. I can’t tell you how great it is in this season of weariness to be enjoying the most delicious meals without having to prepare them all myself. I love cooking…just not right now. :)
Day 24—Medical Update and Sacred Moments
By Brenda Pue—January 24, 2014 5:32 p.m.
Here’s a quick medical update from today. I had my third radiation treatment, and second daughter Shari came, bringing lots of love and joy along (third daughter Kirstie came yesterday, and first daughter Kris will join us on Monday). When we arrived home today, we learned that the lung biopsy has been moved from February 17th to this Monday. This place sure moves fast, and we are grateful. My mom is going to come and stay with us, and I’m so excited.
Two days ago, I shared about our whirlwind day at the cancer agency on Wednesday. There is something from that day that I am still savouring. After seven hours of appointments, meetings, tests, and trying to absorb information “on the fly,” we began our drive back to Langley. I think the word that best describes the tone of that drive home is “numb.” We arrived home, where some of our family awaited.
We had slowly begun unpacking the day when the doorbell rang. A dear friend and soulmate, who was scheduled to bring a meal, stood there with smiling eyes and arms loaded with food, roses, and more treats. We went into the living room to talk. She ministered to me in her winsome way, telling me all the different ways she is praying for me. She had taken photos and written captions for each one. I’m including two of the photos here for you. The first one is an image of “Carson and Brenda” nestled in the Rock (Jesus), and the second one is an image of our whole family, all 12 of us nestled in the Rock. As I sat with her, I knew that somehow God was divinely present in those few moments we shared. Peace washed over me in gentle waves. I believe that life is full of sacred and divine moments—I seem to be noticing them more lately.
Photo credit: Kathy Bentall
Day 25—Pondering Pain
By Brenda Pue—January 25, 2014 9:49 p.m.
It was good to have a break from radiation treatments today. We’ve been told that the radiation keeps working post treatments. I confess that this afternoon has been physically hard for me, so I’m pondering the difficult concept of pain and suffering. I’ve had a range of feelings about this. And this isn’t my first time in the ring, staring pain down.
We all instinctively avoid pain. And yet it is unavoidable. So what do we do with it? Some run. Some self-soothe. Some get angry and frustrated. And every now and again, you come across a remarkable soul who embraces it. These ones, I believe, have learned profound truths about themselves, about the world, and about God in the very act of embracing. I’m aware that the crux of our struggle is marrying the idea
