and I love her for it.
Definitely a good day!
Day 35—Legacy
By Brenda Pue—February 4, 2014 10:11 p.m.
I have legacy on my mind a lot these days. Actually this isn’t a new thing for me, because, thanks to the influence of Arrow Leadership over the past 19 years, legacy is a priority for me and a part of how I order my life. My husband, my kids, my grandkids, my family of origin, and my extended family have an important place in my life.
It might have been easy with a full and satisfying ministry career to relax my legacy standards. And sometimes it was a struggle to find a sense of rhythm with all the demands on my time. But I always had a sense that this was really important, and so I muddled through the best way I knew how. I can honestly say I’ve worked at being intentional about legacy. It just feels like there is a bit more urgency to my sense of legacy since my cancer diagnosis on January 11th. So today, I began working on a memory book for my grandchildren. It was a ton of fun! It is going to take a lot of time and effort to finish it, but I’m committed to it. I’m including a photo of the memory book with this journal entry. It’s never too late to act on leaving a legacy!
Day 36—Navigating Tiredness and Other Cancer Realities
By Brenda Pue—February 5, 2014 10:01 p.m.
Last week when I met with my radiation oncologist, I told him that I struggling with my lack of energy as I have always been a high energy kind of gal. He looked me right in the eye and said, “That was before. This is your new normal. Listen to your body. Let your body lead you now.”
I really needed to hear that. He was giving me permission to embrace this journey I am on, rather than fear it. I’ve noticed that Carson (and other family members too) is also struggling with various levels of tiredness. Carson read that great emotional sadness is the equivalent to eight hours of digging ditches by hand. However subjective that statement may be, it seems to be our reality right now.
Another reality is that my hair started falling out today. So I’m wrestling with the realities of what I am experiencing physically—low energy, hair loss, mild headaches and nausea—and what I am experiencing spiritually—peace of God when life isn’t going the way I imagined or assumed it would. Which brings me to another thought. I’ve been through all kinds of ups and downs throughout my life, and I have found Him to be completely trustworthy and loving through it all. I can’t help but feel that He was working hard at proving Himself to me so that I would be at peace and ready to trust Him for this very place I am in…a place where the faith of a lifetime meets tremendous need.
Day 37—Packing Up
By Brenda Pue—February 6, 2014 11:21 p.m.
Tonight I started packing for our family weekend at Barnabas retreat centre on Keats Island. Tomorrow, our whole family—yes, all 12 of us—will convene at the government dock at Horseshoe Bay. We will catch a water taxi to Keats Island and are looking forward to four glorious (though a little on the cold side) days at Barnabas.
The Irish have a wonderful expression for sacred spaces (rare locales where the distance between heaven and earth collapses). They call it a “thin place.” It seems like certain areas are closer and more accessible to God. Barnabas is a “thin place” for me. Whenever I am there, God meets me in lovely ways. I’m praying that I will feel as good for the next four days as I have felt today!
I am excited! One suitcase is solely devoted to stuff for grandkids. Need I say more?
Day 38—The Fine Art of Welcome
By Brenda Pue—February 8, 2014 1:18 a.m.
We departed [from] the government wharf, adjacent to the Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, under a clear blue sky. The sun was shining brightly. The seas were calm and sparkling. The grandkids were buzzing with excitement. It was a great crossing to Keats Island.
When we arrived at Barnabas, all the staff were there to greet us with lingering hugs, warm smiles and a few tears. It felt so good to be back at Barnabas once again. We hauled our 18 bags (and yes, we are only away for four days) to Applegate [our favourite cabin on the property]. What a sight met our eyes when we entered! There were fresh flowers everywhere (heartfelt thanks to my Soul Stream class for this beautiful and thoughtful gift) and delicious fresh baking, and the kitchen was loaded with amazing snacks. It will simply not be possible to lose weight this weekend. This will make my oncologist very happy! Our dinner was an exquisite Barnabas gourmet creation, for which they are so well known.
As I write this, I realize that I am completely overwhelmed by the warm welcome that has embraced our entire family. Having been a recipient of many warm Barnabas welcomes for many years, I now place high value on the art of welcome…the art of making people feel special. Our lives are often so hurried and rushed that welcome isn’t always practiced the way that it could be. At least that is my experience. After today’s welcome from our dear friends at Barnabas, I am inspired.
I also realize that this experience feels familiar to my soul. Simply put, I have felt welcomed by God my whole life.
For me, God is the ultimate welcome, and Barnabas is a close second.
Day 39—Amazing Day
By Brenda Pue—February 9, 2014 12:13 a.m.
Today dawned beautiful and sunny. It officially began with a wonderful Barnabas breakfast served at Applegate. We set up a movie for all the kids, so the adults could read a psalm and share communion together, as has been our regular practice. It was lovely to experience this as a family.
Afterwards Landon and I made bracelets for some of the family. Then we all got dressed in our winter gear and walked down to the beach to throw stones in the ocean. Other activities of the morning included time in the pirate ship playground and playing ice hockey on the frozen pond. Lunch was served in the dining room and was typical Barnabas amazing.
Although this entire day felt sacred…eating, playing, music, Scripture, talking, reading, resting, laughter, delighting in the children and the sheer beauty of the day…God had more for us. After lunch we put the kids down for a quiet time, and the Barnabas staff team came over to Applegate to share with our family about some of the healing moments that have occurred over the past few years in this “thin place.” Next they gathered around our family and prayed for us all. It was hugely encouraging for us.
After a little quiet time, we enjoyed more outdoor time with the kids. Jason, Landon, Liam and I played tennis in our winter coats, toques and gloves. This was Canadian winter tennis at its best. It was a ton of fun. And, wonder of wonders, suddenly it was time for another beautiful Barnabas gourmet dinner. After we got all the kids settled into bed, Carson led us through a sharing time as a family. This, too, was lovely—honest, hopeful, helpful sharing as a family.
Wow—what an amazing day!
P.S. I should tell you that I am now sporting a short haircut, compliments of my second daughter, Shari, who has been trained [as a] hairdresser. I will post photos from this weekend as soon as I get home.
Day 40—Rest
By Brenda Pue—February 9, 2014 4:06 p.m.
After
