about a man who cut off his balls by accident, only it didn’t say balls, it said “a disfiguring accident involving an olive press.”
Strains of an old recording.
HARDY
You need to read between the lines.
LOWELL
Sometimes he’d let me look at his clippings. On a hot day, say. When it was too hot for peach expeditions, or going down to the trough. Horses used to water there, in the old days. You could just imagine. You could.
HARDY
A guy gets off his horse, dips his hat in, pours cool water over his head.
LOWELL
Were you ever a cowboy?
HARDY
I knew one. Buster Hinkey. Rode in the rodeo. But he fell off a mountain—blown clean off in a sudden gust of wind. That’s the way to go: a sudden gust of wind, Lowell. Don’t stick around for the details.
LOWELL
Mom says she can hardly wait for you to drop dead.
The music stops.
MILTON
Your mother said that.
CASH
I never said that.
HARDY
Your mother has a way with words.
LOWELL
Ever since Dad left, Mom had it in for my grandfather.
CASH wears a security guard uniform from the local Museum of Forestry.
CASH
And that is also not true.
LOWELL
It’s all very psychological.
CASH
Is that a peach?
LOWELL
I’m not sure.
CASH
Did your grandfather put you up to this?
LOWELL
He says they’re fair play.
CASH
Not from someone else’s property.
LOWELL
They don’t even live here anymore.
CASH
Doesn’t matter.
LOWELL
It’s the redistribution of wealth.
CASH
There’s no such thing.
LOWELL
They’re just lying there on the ground, Mom. Do you call that an equitable situation?
CASH
A what?
LOWELL
If somebody doesn’t use something, then they shouldn’t have it, and that’s final.
CASH
I don’t have the energy for you, Lowell. Go find something useful to do.
LOWELL
Everything I do around here is practically illegal.
CASH
If it involves a rifle again, yes.
MILTON
Tell me about the rifle.
LOWELL
I took it out so Grandpa could teach me how to aim.
HARDY appears with a rifle.
HARDY
Cock your head slightly to the side; that’s it. Pay attention; this is a dangerous weapon.
LOWELL
You said “cock.”
HARDY
You should be able to see clearly the two sights of the rifle. That’s how you line it up.
MILTON
What did you shoot?
HARDY
Steady hand, steady hand. See if you can hit the letter o.
LOWELL
We tried to shoot the r completely out of the sign and make the v into an r so it would say “pirate property.”
MILTON
So you’re a pretty good shot then.
LOWELL
No.
A gunshot, distant, but distinct.
HARDY
Looks more like “primate property” now.
LOWELL
Sometimes we shot at peaches, to watch them explode.
HARDY shoots.
HARDY
Beautiful.
LOWELL
Besides, what else is there to do in this thankless valley?
MILTON
You tell me.
LOWELL
You tell me.
MILTON
Oh. I’m sorry. Are you asking the questions, now?
LOWELL
Why do we live here anyway, Grandpa?
HARDY
Somebody had to.
LOWELL
Sitting
