me about it at the time, I would have made up something as shallow as more trips to Italy, better pecs and washboard abs, and enjoying more champagne. I really had no idea what my mission was. And to be even more vulnerable, I’m not entirely sure at age 51 that I’ve fully uncovered it.
And just so you don’t think I’m completely devoid of a conscience, I will say that, clearly, part of my mission is to be a good father to our three sons. Is that the heart of it, or is there something deeper? I’m not entirely sure, and I’m comfortable admitting that. Many of us wrestle with questions of mission, evidenced by the fact the Mission Statement Builder is the most frequented tool at FranklinCovey.com. (It is valued and adopted by millions.)
After I spent over a decade unable to connect with the “personal mission statement” exercise, there came a pivotal point in my life: at a company conference, FranklinCovey cofounder Hyrum Smith spoke of the power of identifying and knowing one’s values. As he enumerated his own values, I became convinced that I would benefit from doing the same. If I wasn’t sure of my mission, I could at least be certain of my values. I dedicated a good deal of time to soul searching; I thought about the relationships in my life (both healthy and unhealthy), and took account of my mistakes, successes, and goals (both fulfilled and unfulfilled). As a result, I came up with seven personal values, which I then ranked by order of importance. I ended up with the acronym PHILPAL: Purpose, Health, Integrity, Loyalty, Positivity, Abundance, and Learning.
The power of forming an acronym cannot be underestimated. Even eighteen years later, when asked what my values are, I can extemporaneously share them with conviction rather than conveniently making them up on the spot and having them change from situation to situation.
Identifying your values and aligning your behaviors and emotional well-being with them serves as an unshakable standard against which you’ll be tested. When we’re triggered emotionally, it’s easy to forget we have a choice as to how we will respond. Central to Habit 1: Be Proactive®, from The 7 Habits, is the concept that between what happens to us and how we react exists a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. We all experience situations where it’s tempting to react quickly and without thought. This is where the choice of carrying your own weather manifests itself.
To carry your own weather:
•Define your personal and professional values (from which your behaviors will be exhibited in both good and rough weather).
•When faced with a situation that threatens to hijack your emotions, stop. Take a breath and think carefully about the response you won’t have to apologize for and that leaves people whole.
•Consciously calibrate your response to avoid a regretful revisit later. Recognize that most flash responses won’t represent how you feel an hour (let alone a day) later. Consider saying: “Could I have a few hours to think about my position so that it is congruent with what I am going to think and feel later on?”
•Don’t allow highly emotional people to suck you into their vortex. Not every conversation necessitates an immediate response from you. Sometimes a simple “Thank you for sharing” is enough.
When carrying your own weather, remember that you are your own meteorologist. If you don’t like the weather, change it.
From Mess To Success:
Carry Your Own Weather
• Identify people or circumstances that cause you to react emotionally.
• When these situations occur:
1.Use the strategies listed on the previous page
2.If you need more time to react to an emotional conversation or situation, take it. Go for a walk, or do whatever activity allows you to disengage from the emotions of the moment. Stop, think, and evaluate the situation or stimulus and the response that aligns with the true you, then proceed.
3.If drafting a difficult or an emotional email response, don’t send it until you’ve reflected on the message at least twice. Consider sending it to yourself to reread and rewrite.
• As your own meteorologist, write the day’s metaphorical forecast in your planning calendar. Be Proactive and purposeful about the weather you’re choosing to carry throughout the day.
Think of a person who had confidence in you and extended trust. Reflect on its ongoing impact. Will you have the same impact on your team members?
Trust is one of the most written-about and talked-about topics in the business world today. It also pervades every aspect of our life, including family, politics, communities—literally every institution with which we’re associated. The degree to which you were trusted by others, or perhaps had your own trust violated by someone else, directly impacts your propensity to trust and be trusted. Ask yourself, Am I more inclined to trust or distrust others? Is your natural tendency to be suspicious of others, or are you able to extend trust even to those who have not yet fully “earned it”? As Abraham Lincoln famously said, “If you trust, you will be disappointed occasionally, but if you mistrust, you will be miserable all the time.”
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