seem to me to be living entirely for pleasure.
lord goring
What else is there to live for, father? Nothing ages like happiness.
lord caversham
You are heartless, sir, very heartless!
lord goring
I hope not, father. Good evening, Lady Basildon!
lady basildon
[Arching two pretty eyebrows.] Are you here? I had no idea you ever came to political parties!
·25· lord goring
I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.
lady basildon
I delight in talking politics. I talk them all day long. But I can’t bear listening to them. I don’t know how the unfortunate men in the House stand these long debates.
lord goring
By never listening.
lady basildon
Really?
lord goring
[In his most serious manner.] Of course. You see, it is a very dangerous thing to listen. If one listens one may be convinced; and a man who allows himself to be convinced by an argument is a thoroughly unreasonable person.
lady basildon
Ah! that accounts for so much in men that I have never understood, and so much in women that their husbands never appreciate in them!
mrs. marchmont
[With a sigh.] Our husbands never appreciate ·26· anything in us. We have to go to others for that!
lady basildon
[Emphatically.] Yes, always to others, have we not?
lord goring
[Smiling.] And those are the views of the two ladies who are known to have the most admirable husbands in London.
mrs. marchmont
That is exactly what we can’t stand. My Reginald is quite hopelessly faultless. He is really unendurably so, at times! There is not the smallest element of excitement in knowing him.
lord goring
How terrible! Really, the thing should be more widely known!
lady basildon
Basildon is quite as bad; he is as domestic as if he was a bachelor.
mrs. marchmont
[Pressing Lady Basildon’s hand.] My poor Olivia! We have married perfect husbands, and we are well punished for it.
·27· lord goring
I should have thought it was the husbands who were punished.
mrs. marchmont
[Drawing herself up.] Oh, dear no! They are as happy as possible! And as for trusting us, it is tragic how much they trust us.
lady basildon
Perfectly tragic!
lord goring
Or comic, Lady Basildon?
lady basildon
Certainly not comic, Lord Goring. How unkind of you to suggest such a thing!
mrs. marchmont
I am afraid Lord Goring is in the camp of the enemy, as usual. I saw him talking to that Mrs. Cheveley when he came in.
lord goring
Handsome woman, Mrs. Cheveley!
lady basildon
[Stiffly.] Please don’t praise other women in our presence. You might wait for us to do that!
·28· lord goring
I did wait.
mrs. marchmont
Well, we are not going to praise her. I hear she went to the Opera on Monday night, and told Tommy Rufford at supper that, as far as she could see, London Society was entirely made up of dowdies and dandies.
lord goring
She is quite right, too. The men are all dowdies and the women are all dandies, aren’t they?
mrs. marchmont
[After a pause.] Oh! do you really think that is what Mrs. Cheveley meant?
lord goring
Of course. And a very sensible remark for Mrs. Cheveley to make, too.
[Enter Mabel Chiltern. She joins the group.]
mabel chiltern
Why are you talking about Mrs. Cheveley? Everybody is talking about Mrs. Cheveley! Lord Goring says—what did you say, Lord Goring, about Mrs. Cheveley? Oh! I remember, that she was a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night.
·29· lady basildon
What a horrid combination! So very unnatural!
mrs. marchmont
[In her most dreamy manner.] I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.
lord goring
Ah! that is morbid of you, Mrs. Marchmont!
mrs. marchmont
[Brightening to a look of real pleasure.] I am so glad to hear you say that. Marchmont and I have been married for seven years, and he has never once told me that I was morbid. Men are so painfully unobservant!
lady basildon
[Turning to her.] I have always said, dear Margaret, that you were the most morbid person in London.
mrs. marchmont
Ah! but you are always sympathetic, Olivia!
mabel chiltern
Is it morbid to have a desire for food? I have a great desire for food. Lord Goring, will you give me some supper?
·30·
