Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, reported from the World Economic Forum at Davos on a study by the global consulting firm McKinsey showing that more than 50 percent of people on Facebook have connections in other countries. Sandberg explained that these international connections are growing exponentially and wrote: “This matters. In a connected world, it’s easier to…identify with people from other cultures — to understand their lives, or see things from their point of view. Technology is driving real progress in the world — raising living standards, creating new jobs and even new industries. Connectivity provides education, better health, a greater understanding of civil rights all around the world.” She added, “And when people make friendships across borders, things get better for everyone.”
Our electronic interconnectivity creates the framework for global shared consciousness. The key is to be wired and digitally savvy without distorting your body and losing your soul. The way to do that is not just to “lean in,” but to look up!
How do we make the most of this amazing resource without succumbing to the detrimental aspects? Start with ART.
ART: Attention Restoration Therapy
Right now, I’m at work, using the internet. But in my mind, I’m already at home, using the internet.
— Tweeted by BRIDGER WINEGAR @Bridger_w
Jason Hirschhorn, a super savvy Gen Xer, is the CEO and curator of Redef, a creative online platform aiming to “live at the epicenter where the worlds of media, fashion, sports, music, and tech collide.” Jason asks, “Anyone know where I can find an iPad costume? I figure if I dress up like one, my nieces and nephew will look me in the eye…” Jason understands that attention is the fuel of connection. It’s a precious resource, and it’s being dispersed and depleted in an unprecedented way.
In The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, Nicholas Carr warns that the effect of overuse of the internet on our brains is “even more disturbing” than he had suspected. He notes, “The Net seizes our attention only to scatter it!”
How can we restore our capacity for the refined attention that is the currency of connection? Here are a few simple, potentially life-changing ideas.
Celebrate a digital sunset. I love wine. I usually have a glass or two with dinner. But every now and then I take the night off. If I’m served wine at a party and it isn’t high quality (yes, I am a wine snob), I simply won’t drink it and will have water instead. I’m blessed with a constitution that isn’t prone to addiction when it comes to alcohol. It’s harder for me to resist checking my iPhone than it is to say no to a generic Merlot. So I’ve instituted a few policies to help keep my mind free, including regular breaks during my work day and my own version of what Brian Johnson, author and founder of A Philosopher’s Notes, describes as his “digital sunset.”
Brian explains: “I turn off the computer at dinnertime and return it to its not-gonna-see-you-till-tomorrow home, appreciate all that’s been done, look ahead to the next day, clean up my desk, and that’s it. Time to recover.” Brian adds: “My business operates online, so if I’m not careful, I could be consumed by it. Since I made the commitment to just shut it all off at the end of each workday, I have way more energy and I think with more clarity. Not to mention the improvement in my relationship with my wife and beautiful daughters.”
Be in nature, and let nature be in you. The internet presents an unprecedented opportunity for connectedness and learning and an unlimited potential for distraction and dissipation. In a typical week we are exposed to more stimuli than our grandparents received in a year. In that same week, we engage with more information than our great grandparents did in their entire lives.
You can counter the effects of the information onslaught by devoting time to be in nature. Eva Selhub, author of Your Brain on Nature, explains: “Twenty minutes of walking in the park is an effective antidote for the symptoms of technology addiction (as long as you don’t take your device along!). The research shows clearly that being in nature results in improvements in cognitive functioning, creativity, mood, and physical well-being.” Selhub adds: “If you can’t get to a park or other natural setting, then the next best thing is to practice a mind-body discipline like meditation, tai chi, or yoga. Like walking in nature, these disciplines all shift your nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic dominance, in other words from stress to relaxation.”
Focus on your passion and purpose. Leonardo da Vinci advised, “Fix your course to a star.” This was the Maestro’s way of encouraging us to focus on our highest values and deepest purpose. It’s a theme that runs throughout his life and work.
Columnist David Brooks translates Leonardo’s advice in compelling contemporary terms in the New York Times: “If you want to win the war for attention, don’t try to say no to trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasbord; try to say yes to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrifying longing crowd out everything else.” In other words, when you are guided by higher values and embrace a deeper purpose, you’ll be less distractible.
As you free yourself from ADD, you’ll liberate tremendous energy that will allow you to experience the heart of the art of connection, which is to make relationships a priority.
The Importance of Relationships
Philosopher Martin Buber (1878–1965) observed, a century ago, that our world was becoming increasingly impersonal, materialistic, and transactional. He saw that when we view others as objects, to be manipulated or used for our own ends, we dehumanize not only them, but also ourselves. Buber emphasized that in every interaction we have a choice to view others as fellow humans, with whom we share the same basic essence, or as things — pawns to be moved, scenery for our dramas, obstacles in our way, or as competitors to be vanquished.
“I–It” is the term he originated to express the transactional, objectifying interaction. “I–Thou,” from the title of his most famous work, I and Thou (1923), is the term he originated to refer to the encounter that creates a real connection. The most important point in this book is: Make I–Thou encounters with real people, in real time, a priority. We must invest in one-on-one, face-to-face relationships with the people who are most important to us.
If you are in a formal position of leadership, make it a priority to meet one-on-one with your team members, customers, and key stakeholders. If you are a parent, devote time to connect deeply with each of your children. If you’re a friend, go out of your way to be with your friend. If you want to have a happy marriage or loving partnership, make quality time together your top priority.
Buber counseled that we come into our full aliveness, discover our true nature, and relate to the Divine through our encounters with others. He wrote, “All real life is meeting.”
In addition to the emotional and spiritual benefits of deepening your ability to connect with others, you’ll also be more successful. Gary Spitalnik expresses it in practical business terms when he exclaims: “I have to keep after some of the younger members of our sales team to get out from behind their desks, get the hell off their devices, and actually go out and visit with clients. That’s where the real action is: face-to-face.”
Jon Miller, former CEO of AOL and now a partner with Advancit Capital, says:
I share a tremendous amount of information with my partners and our stakeholders through digital means, but there’s no substitute for meeting in person. We never invest in a company without meeting
