the focus of your prayer time to be can help couple-prayer be a more meaningful experience.
5. Be Flexible
Some nights you’ll have more energy and time than others. It’s okay to vary how you pray from day to day. Perhaps there’s a day you can only manage to say a Glory Be. The next day might be the same. The following day you might pray in your own words together. Maybe the time after that, you’ll both want to pray a Rosary, and the next day you might be back to the Glory Be. Making the commitment to a regular couple-prayer ritual is more important in the long term than how you pray on any given day. Just try to build on what you usually do as time progresses. Learning the process of prayer — especially couple-prayer — is more of a journey than a destination. No matter how simply you start out, you will find that in time, with a regular commitment, God will take you deeper into his own time, as you are ready. Trust him. In fact, that’s one of the most important parts of the process.
The Praise Format
In our own efforts to cultivate couple-prayer, we use all the ideas we’ve recommended above, but something else that has been very helpful for us is having a semi-structured prayer time. Many couples that pray together find that they get the most out of it if they spend a little time with different dimensions of prayer. Because of that, we like to use the acronym PRAISE to serve as a guide to our couple-prayer time:
P = PRAISE and thank God for his blessings.
R = REPENT of the small ways you’ve let God or each other down.
A = ASK for God’s help with special concerns that are on your heart.
I = INTERCEDE for others.
S = SEEK his will about bigger decisions/questions that are on your heart.
E = EXPRESS your desire to serve him until you meet again in prayer.
Depending upon our energy on a given day, this format could take as little as five minutes or as much as an hour or more. It can include elements of both formal and informal prayer, as you see fit. Over the next few pages, we’ll take a look at each step and give you a brief example of what it might look like in practice.
P = Praise and Thank God
Praise refers to honoring who God is, while thanksgiving refers to honoring God for what he has done. Take a moment to praise God for who he is to you and to thank God for the little blessings you’ve experienced throughout the day. Again, don’t feel that you have to say anything fancy. Just take turns between you and your spouse, thanking God for the ways he has shown that he is taking care of you. For instance:
Husband: “Thank you, Lord, for letting work go so well today. I’m really grateful for your help.”
Wife: “Yes, Lord. And thank you for helping me get everything together for the class I’m teaching in the parish school of religion.”
Husband: “And, God, I just want to thank you for letting my wife and me get some time for a date this weekend. Thanks for giving us the time we need to take care of each other.”
As we said, this doesn’t have to be fancy. You can thank God for everything from the great parking spot you got that was close to the mall entrance to the miraculous recovery your mom made from that illness. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Being thankful is a simple way of giving God the praise he deserves. God doesn’t need our praise. But when we praise him, it reminds us of all the little ways he is present in our lives, and it enables us to trust him more — and as a bonus, taking a moment to recall the things you are grateful for is good for your mental health. One study has shown that the simple exercise of listing things to be grateful for increases the average daily level of happiness a person experiences by 25 percent (Eammons, 2007).
Happier spouses make for happier marriages!
R = Repentance
We’re not talking about confessing your sins here. You can save that for confession. But this would be a good time to reflect together on the little ways you might not have done as good a job taking care of each other, and asking God to help you do better the next time similar circumstances arise:
Husband: “Lord, I’m sorry for being short-tempered with my wife when I got home from work today. She really didn’t deserve it. Thank you for not letting it turn into a ‘thing.’ Help me to do a better job taking care of her when I feel frustrated about my work.”
Wife: “And Lord, I’m sorry for not trying to be more understanding. I know that he wasn’t really upset with me, but it’s hard not to react. I’m grateful too that you gave us the grace to not turn it into an argument, but help me to be more understanding and sensitive next time.”
Keep in mind that this PRAISE format is just a guideline. You don’t have to use all the steps all the time (or at all). Some days, you might not feel that you have anything to repent of, but most days there will probably be something you’d like to get God’s help with. Admitting your simple flaws in front of your spouse and God requires humility — but so does having a great marriage. Letting God, and your spouse, know of your commitment to do better the next time is a great way to keep resentments from building up — God will give you the grace to overcome those weaknesses so that, in time, they won’t be weaknesses anymore.
A = Ask
This step comes fairly easy to most people. We’re good at asking God for things. Take a moment to ask God for help with any practical concerns you might have. They don’t have to be particularly noble or spiritual concerns. Just invite God into your everyday life and acknowledge that you can’t do anything — even the smallest things — without him:
Husband: “Lord, please help me to get everything done. I feel really overwhelmed by all the things going on right now, and I really need your help clearing my head so I can get on top of it all.”
Wife: “Yes, Lord. Please help my husband have a peace about all he has to do and help me be a good support to him. Also, Lord, please help me get over this cold quickly. I’m really feeling run down, and it’s really hard to be the person I want to be when I feel like this.”
Husband: “And help me to be sensitive to the fact that she’s feeling poorly and to find ways to take care of her and let her know how much I love her.”
When possible, don’t just ask God for help with the specific concerns; ask him to help you do a better job of being there for each other and supporting each other as you address those concerns. God wants you to be each other’s helpmate. Let him teach you how to do it.
I = Intercede for Others
Don’t forget to pray for the people in your life who have special needs or concerns. Take a moment to not only ask him for his grace and blessing on them, but to give you the grace and wisdom you need to find ways to be a blessing to those people whenever possible:
Husband: “Please bless Andy. His son is giving him and his wife such a hard time. Give them your wisdom and grace to know what to do. Lord, sometimes it’s hard to know what to say to him. Help me support him in ways that enable him to draw closer to you through it all.”
Wife: “And Lord, please bless Ann at church. She is having so many struggles with her health. Strengthen her, and help me find
