cards” will yield an abundance of resources. These cards feature simple questions of the day that can take your conversations in fun and surprising directions. Use them as a springboard for more meaningful family discussions. As we point out in Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids, research consistently shows that children are more likely to own their faith as adults when they experience their faith as the source of the warmth in their homes. Mealtimes that begin with prayer and continue with family sharing create the warmth that makes faith and values stick.
5. Cook Together
Besides eating together, cooking together can also be a great way to turn feeding the hungry people in your home into a spiritual exercise. Cooking together encourages the spirit of generous mutual service — what Pope St. John Paul II referred to as “mutual self-donation” — that healthy family life depends upon. Families that work together learn to trust one another, to be generous to one another, and take ownership in the tasks that are part and parcel of creating a home. Make sure mom and dad, sisters and brothers, all pitch in on a regular basis to help make the meals, get the meals to the table, and clean up together afterward. Don’t just treat these things as a chore. Let them be a family activity that draw you closer together and help you learn from one another.
6. Meal Planning
There are many resources for meal planning, but many of these simply focus on the mechanics of getting a healthy rotation of nutritious foods to the table. When doing your own meal plan, remember that connection is as important as nutrition. In fact, planning a week of meals or more before food shopping helps the person who has to get the meals on the table stay in a calmer mood, and be more present to the family, come the chaos of the dinner hour. Keep your relationship in mind when meal planning. On less busy days, discuss, as a family, how you might make that mealtime a little more special. Perhaps there are some favorite meals the family might enjoy. Can you cook them together? On busier days, don’t overwhelm yourself. A simpler meal that allows you time and energy to talk and share is better than a perfect meal that leaves you spent and irritable.
7. Don’t Fight about Food
Generosity and self-control are important virtues, but they’re easily squelched by arguments about food. Make a rule that while family members can express preferences for the foods they are served, they may not complain about what they are served. Complaining undermines gratitude and makes mealtime seem like something to be survived. A pleasant, grateful spirit must be the price of admission to the family table. Pouters and complainers may stay in their rooms until they can get themselves in a more generous frame of mind.
Mealtime is also a great opportunity for parents to grow in virtue as we learn to gracefully manage our children’s eating habits. Encouraging a grateful spirit at the family table doesn’t require parents to turn mealtimes into power struggles. Small tummies mean small portions. Better to give children less and have them ask for more than give them too much and create both tension and waste.
If your children don’t finish what you feel is an age-appropriate serving, don’t force them to sit until the plate is clean. Simply wrap it up and save it for later when they are hungry again. When your child turns his or her nose up at new foods, don’t force the child to eat it all, but do require that he or she eat at least one mouthful before leaving the table. Don’t let the child off the hook, but be pleasant about it. Gentle, consistent encouragement allows both appetites and palettes grow with time. We offer more dinnertime discipline ideas in our book Parenting with Grace, but the most important takeaway is to not concern yourself so much about making children eat as with facilitating the kind of relationship that will make them more willing to try new things as they mature. Throughout this process moms and dads will be invited to grow in patience and compassion, and their children will be encouraged to grow in gratitude, self-control, and openness.
8. Share What You Have
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