adults. When you and a friend are goingthrough a doorway, let her go ahead of you.
Guests go first. When you’re pouring lemonade, pour your friend’s
glass before you pour your own. When you start a game, let her have
the first turn. And when there’s only one cookie left? You know who
gets it.
Give up your seat on a crowded bus or subway to anybody who
looks as if he or she needs to sit down more than you do. This includes
older people and people with babies or small children.
Men and women have followed different rules in the past. For many
years, men were expected to give all these same signs of deference to
women. A polite man opened doors for a woman and let her enter first.
He stood when a woman entered a room at a party, and offered her
his seat. He walked between a woman and the curb on city streets to
protect her from any rain or dirt kicked up by a passing car. Many people
keep up these traditions today. Others prefer to see women show their
strength and independence by doing these things for themselves.
good impressions
We all know we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover,
but the fact is that most of us do make judgments about
others based on how they look and talk. This is especially
true if we’re meeting someone for the first time.
Don’t let this business of appearances spook you.
Instead, try out the tips on these pages. You’ll look
more confident, and that can often make you feel
more confident. The more you practice these things,
the more natural they’ll seem. A little work on the out-
side girl lets the girl inside shine through—and that, of
course, is the entire point.
Stand tall
Your body says a lot about what you think of yourself. Hold your head
up. Pull your shoulders back. Talk in a strong voice. Walk like a girl who’s
ready to meet the world, and you’ll begin to feel like one. You’ll find
that others will see you that way, too.
Make eye contact
Look people in the eye. It shows that you’re friendly and honest. It also
tells others that you’re interested in them and in what they’re saying.
Say hello
“Hi” means “I know you. I’m glad to see you, even if we’re not going to
stop and talk.” Silence means . . . well, who knows? It might mean “I’m
mad at you” or “I don’t like you”—or simply “There you are, but so
what?”
Use names
Greet people by name. It shows that you care who they are, which
makes them feel good.
If you have trouble remembering names, practice saying them when
they’re fresh in your mind. For instance, if you’re introduced to a new
girl, say her name right away. (If you didn’t quite catch it, ask her to
repeat it until you do.) Then use her name several more times before the
conversation’s done. The more often you use the name today, the better
chance you have of remembering it tomorrow.
Shake hands
Step up and shake hands when you’re saying hello to an adult, especially
if the situation is fairly formal. Offer your right hand (even if you’re left-
handed) and say the person’s name: “Hi, Ms. Puptent.” When she puts
her hand in yours, clasp it firmly for one quick shake.
choose your words
Manners are all about communication, so put some thought into
the words you use to express yourself.
Those magic words people have been telling you about all your life
really are sort of magic. Say “please” and people cooperate. Say “thank
you” and get a smile. These words make everything a little easier and
happier—both for others and for you.
Other words are better avoided entirely. Junk words, for instance. Words
that have nothing to do with the sense of a sentence can be, you know,
like, so annoying, like, if you, like, use them constantly, you know? So don’t.
Then there are all those lazy words—hmm, nah, eh, huh, yeah. We all
use them, but overdo it and you’ll give the impression that you dragged
yourself out of a deep sleep to have this conversation and wish you
were still in bed.
Lots of kids use put-downs when they’re kidding around with their
friends. “So what?” “Who cares?” “Shut up.” Put-downs are supposed
to be funny. Maybe. But a put-down always makes another person feel
a bit dumber than she did before you said it. Put-downs
