policy, change in how investments are arranged so that some funds are more readily accessed with less loss). A review of legal documents (e.g., wills, healthcare surrogacy documents) may also be helpful.
Money, work, insurance, housing, security, time, care for the healthy and for people needing care, personal expectations and needs, healthcare law, family relationships and dynamics—these and other factors affect how family caregivers feel about caregiving and how they make decisions.
In each of the examples provided in this chapter, the family caregivers had expectations about how their lives would unfold, even though they may not have prepared as much as they should have for their futures or considered that some of life’s changes could be so devastating. However, regardless of what plans existed before the need to provide care for a person with a chronic illness or disability arose, the realities of family caregiving always change outcomes for both family caregivers and the people they care for.
Family caregivers had expectations about how their lives would unfold, even though they may not have prepared as much as they should have for their futures or considered that some of life’s changes could be so devastating.
None of the caregivers discussed had been trained to be family caregivers. They hadn’t thought about being a family caregiver for an adult child or how to prepare to be a family caregiver for someone with severe or chronic health concerns. Their life experiences may have led them to believe they were prepared for anything. If they have experience in planning (for business needs, for example), it is unlikely that they have learned how to transfer planning skills used to meet such needs to planning for caregiving needs. However, family caregiving professionals have found that when faced with the emotional stresses of family caregiving, even the most effective business and medical professionals are too distressed to apply the skills they may demonstrate in a work environment. Yet, considering the challenges they face, it is clear their success certainly will depend on thinking ahead and learning whatever they can about the caregiving needs that must be met. It also will depend on preparing for the unexpected.
Remember, these are “snapshots” representative of a million different caregiving scenarios. They are included to give you the opportunity to think in terms of planning, instead of just reacting, by recognizing that emotions and inexperience make the task even harder.
The remainder of the Manual can help you become a more prepared, educated caregiver who, in turn, may be better able to face both the expected and the unexpected.
To benefit from information, you need to understand why it is needed and how to use it effectively. As a family caregiver, your attitude influences your use of information in a big way.
Whether planning for your own care or the care of someone else, a positive attitude is critical to success. Not believing you can meet the challenges of caregiving is the greatest barrier to effective caregiving. To be an effective family caregiver, you need to put fear and self-doubt aside. Problem solving demands a positive attitude. Believe in yourself as a practical problem solver.
To be an effective family caregiver, you need to put fear and self-doubt aside.
Even effective family caregivers experience doubt or need decision-making reassurance from an uninvolved third party. An objective analysis of a problem and a proposed solution from an understanding, emotionally unengaged third party advisor can be a source of great comfort.
Do Not Overlook Working on Your Attitude
Are you normally a controlling person? You may have to give up some control. Are you afraid of taking control for fear of making mistakes? Learn to overcome fear and take calculated risks. Do you tend to be negative? Work on becoming more positive. Are you depressed and frozen in place? Recognize that being effective depends on a can-do attitude and take steps to overcome your depression.
Being an effective caregiver means accepting help when your can-do attitude is shaky and doubts creep in. Every family caregiver needs support and assistance from others; they need emotional reassurance and guidance for practical problem solving, decision-making, and coping skills.
A positive attitude, combined with practical problem solving, makes a big difference in effective decision-making and attaining positive outcomes.
Good problem solvers are flexible, open to options, and able to try new ideas. They are not discouraged if the first or even second attempt fails.
Are you ready to assess your attitude? Complete the following checklist.
WHAT IS YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT PRACTICAL PROBLEM SOLVING?
The following ten statements are about attitudes toward problem solving. Which statements do you agree with?
Do you agree with all ten statements? If you do, you are an exceptional family caregiving problem solver.
Do you disagree with more than three of the ten statements? If so, you may need to reevaluate how you solve problems. What does your disagreement with these statements say about your problem-solving skills? How might your negative attitudes affect your family caregiving? If you had more of a “yes” attitude, what barriers to working with others might be resolved? What can you do to make a positive change in your attitude?
Overcoming Guilt and Resentment
Family caregiving is a very stressful experience because of the high emotional attachment involved. Stress and associated depression can often blind people to their own reactions and emotions they do not recognize. Family caregivers experience depression much more frequently than do people who are not caregiving. Studies conducted by the National Alliance for Caregiving have shown that spouses caring for spouses experience depression six times more often than those not caring for someone, and for people caring for parents or anyone else, it’s two times more often.
The greatest roadblocks to effective family caregiving are guilt, anger, and resentment.
The greatest roadblocks to effective family caregiving are guilt, anger, and resentment. You already know that having a positive attitude about yourself is essential to you being a good family caregiver and having the best chance for success. Feeling guilty, angry, or resentful can destroy your positive attitude and your chance to succeed.
Guilt is basically beating yourself up for real or imagined failures in your role of family caregiver. Caregiver guilt can take several forms and family caregivers
