really a weakness, and may even be a sign of strength. The alternative is a non-starting negotiation.
Opening statement
Give a brief description of who you are and what you are doing, and how you view the current situation. Then let the other side take their turn and listen carefully, making notes as if all the spoken words were golden. Immediately you have created a subliminal tool: your pen. Now you can indicate they are being unreasonable by ceasing to write. Stronger action needed? Put the pen away; nothing they can say is worth writing down any more4.
Yet if during the meeting the atmosphere becomes strained or even hostile, don’t allow this to continue. Clear the air with a joke or a story, or break for coffee. If you do it right, everybody will be grateful for the intermission. Even real anger or aggression can be calmed by lifting everyone’s spirits and taking a break. If they are able to hold on to these emotions for too long you may assume they are faked or at least overacted.
Relaxed situations can be very revealing because the stress is lifted. But I must say something strange… there is a need for some stress in order for it to be lifted again. People get used to unchanging patterns, too much of anything and they lose attention.
Everyone will carry their own hopes and fears into the negotiation room. Using NegoLogic means that you fill up every lack you find.
Are they just laughing and talking, instead of paying attention? Then you may put on the pressure! Paint their worst-case scenario and tell them that they are already half way there. Force can be a tool, but use it sparingly and with care. Remember you can only pull out your gun once. The second time you are just looking foolish because if a threat5 doesn’t work the first time, it will certainly fail the second.
If they expect you to talk nervously, become a good listener and ask intelligent questions that are a bit daring to keep their attention focused. Positive posture and eye contact are vital.
Speak slowly and clearly, take slight pauses without boring anyone, just in order to make sure your words are connecting. Talking too fast, breaking off sentences, slurring words – all that is out of the question. Weighing every single word calms you down. Prepare and plan beforehand but remain flexible to changes if the situation calls for it. You can never spend too much time contemplating their next move and the reasoning behind it.
What comes out of your mouth does not have to be rocket science, but it must make sense and sound perfectly honest. Understate yourself so they will naturally assume you are more than you really are. Does that sound crazy? Crazy like a fox.
FACT 3: Understating means strength
During negotiations, while everyone is boasting and lying to some degree or another, I found that the individuals who understate their worth make the most powerful impression.
Here is the reason. A man with 100,000 or 250,000 in his bank account may say that he has unlimited funds, because for him it seems like a lot of money. Meanwhile, a multimillionaire is extremely unlikely to utter such words. He might reluctantly admit that he “has a bit of money”, because his concerns go in another direction. He doesn’t want the word to spread or to attract too much attention that would mean people asking or even demanding funds from him. Most importantly, he doesn’t feel the need to emphasize this fact of his life because that is what it is, a fact. The person selling fiction must try harder to convince himself, as well as you. That makes it easy for us to distinguish between the two. The one trying his hardest to make an impression is also the one faking it.
So when you really only have a bit of money and you say so, then everyone in business will automatically overestimate your worth.
Can you see why?
And this does not just apply to money, because the same goes for any subject like experience, travelling, contacts, etc. People who have been “all over the world” have often seen less than the ones who have just “travelled a bit”. Deep inside we all realise this on some level of consciousness, that makes understatement a most powerful tool.
It is lying by telling the truth
Words from modest people carry more weight because they understate their experience, accomplishments, and assets. Understating is not the same as underestimating, quite the opposite. Successful people act, walk, and talk differently than less successful ones.
This method becomes really effective when you mention something impressive and play it down. The listeners will automatically assume that you are used to much more, because that is the only possible reason, isn’t it?
Hey, what happens now? They are hanging on to your every word! No more seven percent or even thirty... almost all your words are being heard.
Why are we gaining all this attention, just by acting differently?
Because newborn humans are the most helpless among all species.
FOCUS: Humans are notoriously slow learners
It takes us years to stand on our feet, walk, and make ourselves understandable – feats that animals perform in a matter of hours.
We do not fare well in new situations, and that is the reason we are so fond of repeating any sequence of predictable movements over and over again.
ELABORATE: How do we get through everyday life? By repeating patterns. We get up, shower, dress, brush our teeth, and have breakfast, then go to work.
This is only managed rapidly because we follow the same routine in exactly the same order. We don’t need to stop and think about what comes next. Repetition is also comforting for us, and we get upset if that rhythm is disturbed. Often you can witness incredible outbursts of what is expressed as anger, but in reality is despair that comes from a feeling of being out-of-place, out-of-time or out-of-rhythm.
When we cried as babies, our mother made the cradle rock and the repetitive movement calmed us down. Rock to the left – we know what is coming next – the right. As adults we prefer stores where we already know where everything is. Travel for hours from east to west or the other way around, the McDonald’s interior is the same for good reasons. Even the smallest difference can make us look foolish which is always one of our greatest fears. That is why we prefer Starbucks, Burger King, Ikea to individual businesses, although they might be better or cheaper, because in the familiar places we do not need to think, and we cannot get it wrong.
Can you imagine a radio station playing only new songs, or seeing different programmes on television every single day? Every time Episode One? No, we, as the audience, want to see the same programming and the same familiar actors returning in other movies. We want to hear our favourite songs, see the same programmes and faces, over and over again. That is why celebrities are not allowed to age, and when they do we dump them.
SOLUTION: If repetition is so important for human beings, let’s take advantage of the fact. Using their own words in your replies to them shows that you have been listening and this is a compliment in itself. Some businessmen are starved of attention from the right source, from someone they respect. See how it all fits together? Because you act exceptionally your opinion suddenly matters.
FACT 4: We only give people our full attention before we box them in
FOCUS: Boxed in
We put people
