To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Shalom
Okay, so I sent my profile in last night and thought I would take a chance that someone emailed me this morning. Yes, I know that seems egotistical thinking that someone would email me so quickly after my profile was posted. And considering it didn’t officially go online until 1:00 am, I’m not sure I want to date anyone who was trolling the Internet for a date in the wee hours of the morning. But, to be honest, I’m kind of excited about the possibilities. Imagine that. Me…being hopeful. Who knew? Anyway, I was elated – yes, elated – to find I had a message. Hurrah! Then I read it. He is very religious, is looking for a “spiritual” woman and lives in Israel. Good lord! (HA! Maybe that does indeed make me “spiritual” enough for this guy.) Israel!!!
Okay, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Israel. I am one of the Chosen People after all. And, apparently “chosen” in more ways than one, huh? But do you picture me living in an area where 1) Most people take the bus – I’m from LA for goodness sake, where we LIVE in our cars. In fact, I have this theory that no one walks in LA. But, we all own treadmills. So, even though it is nice all year long, we won’t walk outside. We’d rather walk in our houses. But, I digress. Back to what’s important here: 2) These buses blow up into fiery messes; 3) And speaking of fiery messes, it is hot in Israel. Yes, yes. It’s a dry heat. But you know what? A blast furnace is a dry heat. But it’s still HOT and I wouldn’t want to live in it. Yeah, right. Like I’m going to start a relationship with some man in Israel.
And, he is so intense about Judaism. I haven’t been to temple since my nephew’s baby naming three years ago. Oh, this would NEVER work. NEVER.
So, how do I get out of this? Do I ignore his message? Do I email back and say thanks but no thanks? Yikes! I’m not sure what to do?
From: Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 10:45 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Shalom
Step 1. Revise your profile. No spiritual junkies or out of towners accepted.
Step 2. Email him back and tell him you are not interested in a long distance thing.
Step 3. Laugh your ass off. He obviously does NOT know you.
Okay. So this one isn’t going to work out. But, to your point, it’s only been a few hours. And, in this man’s defense, it’s probably not 1:00 am his time. It’s like two days later and early evening or something. So, it is flattering that he thinks you are the funny, smart and…okay, maybe not “spiritual” but certainly awesome…person that you really are. You’re going to get a TON of emails and have your pick of tons of great guys. Just you wait. Trust me.
Speaking of great guy, going out again with The Cuddler tonight. Hoping to break him of his bad habits. I’m willing to use force if necessary. Hope he likes it rough ;) Gotta run. Evil corporate trolls demanding reports. Call me tonight. Mwah! Mwah!
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – January 14, 2011 – 11:30 AM
To: [email protected]/ L’Chiam22
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Shalom back
Dear L’Chiam22. Thank you very much for your nice email. I must confess yours is the first email I’ve received. It’s quite flattering, especially to have someone from so far away take an interest. Thank you. But, I also must confess that I’m looking to meet someone local. So, best of luck in meeting that woman of your dreams. I’m sure she’s out there.
From: Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 11:34 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Shalom back
Nicely done, sweetie. Ever the diplomat.
From: Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 11:47 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Shalom back
It’s so much easier to reject someone over the Internet than in real life. Score one for online dating!
From: Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 1:36 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: THE SCOOP!
Got my first email today from a gentleman suitor. It was a bit of a rush, I must say. But, he lives in Israel and I’m not really looking for a long distance thing. I don’t even think I could date anyone who lived in the Valley. What about you? Lots of women clamoring over you? Do tell.
From: Mark Finlay – January 15, 2011 – 10:30 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: THE SCOOP!
Oh, I’m still looking into services. I’ve narrowed it down to two based on referrals from people who have tried them. Also, I read on the Web that in a few weeks the new Consumer Reports comes out and rates the best online dating services. So, I’m going to wait and review the article before making a decision.
But, very excited for you. Go girl! Okay that sounds totally ridiculous coming from me, doesn’t it? I’m just not one of those types who can get away with the slang expressions. So, let me rephrase. Good for you! I’m confident you are going to get a lot of emails. You’re smart, pretty and lots of fun. Keep me posted.
Also, how many of us will there be for your birthday dinner. Also, do you have any place in mind, or do you want to be surprised? Either way, I want to be sure and get a reservation in.
From: Renee Greene – January 15, 2011 – 4:45 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: THE SCOOP!
Oh, surprise me. But, be warned. If I see one – and I mean one – “Over the Hill” decoration, gag gift or piece of paraphernalia, you will pay a very high price. A very high price indeed. You don’t want me as an enemy. And you know I hold a grudge. Okay, so I’m not the best intimidator. Hard to be fierce and menacing when you stand 5’1” and look 12. But, I have to tell you, I’m finding this birthday a bit daunting. Turning 30 is always hailed as this depressing milestone. As someone going through it, to someone who has another six months to go, it’s all true. This sucks!
From: Mark Finlay – January 16, 2011 – 12:10 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: THE SCOOP!
I’ve been duly warned. And yes, I do know how you hold a grudge. When you’ve been friends with someone for more than 20 years, you learn all that kind of stuff.
From: Renee Greene – January 16, 2011 – 2:30 PM
