lives. I was not taught the skill of asking better questions at school or in any of my post-graduate studies and yet I have come to learn from experience that this is one of the greatest gifts I can bring to the table in conversations with people.
In this book, you will come to understand why questions are so powerful. You will learn how to ask yourself and others better questions and you will become excited as you develop a skill that you can use in your life every day. The skill can be used in many ways – with your family, friends and work colleagues, for example – there are no limits to the conversations in which you can use the skill.
If I can get you to become excited about the skill of asking questions, my hope is that you will share it with others and that we can create a ripple effect around the globe. Just imagine a world where people tap into their own wisdom and innate knowledge and are less reliant upon others for answers. A world where all people feel more confident about themselves and their ideas.
Let me share an inspiring true story to get us started on the journey.
“I know what I really need, but what I want is impos-sible!” These are the exact words stated by my client who was talking to me about trying to manage his time more effectively. He was a senior doctor in a major hospital and was experiencing frustration because he didn’t feel that there was enough time to do his job properly. As well as being a practising doctor at the hospital, he was also responsible for managing some of the junior doctors and for undertaking research on behalf of the hospital. In addition, he was doing some part-time study and was involved with many hospital committees and groups. He had a young family that he loved dearly and so ‘work-life balance’ was something that was important to him. No wonder he was having a problem with his time, juggling all of these priorities!
My client explained to me why his ideal solution of hiring a full-time personal assistant was impossible. He explained that there was a hierarchy of doctors within the hospital and that only senior doctors had full-time support. Indeed, doctors in more senior positions only warranted part-time and shared assistants, so he considered himself lucky that he did have the shared use of an assistant for one day each week. It was unheard of that anyone at his level would qualify for additional support, and despite his boss being aware of his challenges, no additional help was forthcoming.
He also explained to me that even if he could justify having a full-time assistant, in the current hierarchy the hospital could not afford the additional costs involved. The hospital was struggling financially because it was publically funded and any expenditure, which he was adamant would not be forthcoming, would need the approval of the CEO. Indeed, he knew of a similar case in the hospital where funding had not been approved.
I think it’s fair to say that his mind was made up. He was certain that the opportunity to have a full-time assistant was not an option worth considering any further. Therefore, he was ready to move on in our conversation to talk about other ways in which he could manage his time more effectively.
I had a choice at this point – did I let him go on to explore other options or did I challenge what he had just shared with me in case there was a flaw in his argument? Most people would take the easier option of not challenging – particularly as they might fear how the other person would react if they did challenge. However, I know that most often the best gift I can give to people is to help them to consider another perspective or possibility. This would open up more options, so I decided that I would challenge my client.
I went on to acknowledge and summarise what he had said to me and then I asked a powerful question: “If you believed it was possible to get yourself a full-time assistant, what would you do?” His immediate response was to advise me that it wasn’t possible. I acknowledged that I knew that he had said it wasn’t possible, but if for some reason it was, what would he do?
His response was immediate and he explained to me how he would approach asking for an assistant. First, he would take some time to analyse how much time he was spending on his current tasks. In particular, he would pay attention to all the ‘wasted’ time on administrative duties that an assistant could easily manage. He would then endeavour to carefully cost each of these tasks. He could then use this information in a proposed business case. He went on to describe how he would also think about all the lost opportunities that were evident with the current arrangement – particularly in the field of medical research. He was confident that he could achieve much more in this field, which would not only help medical science, and potentially patients around the world, but would also bring enormous benefit to the hospital in terms of kudos and, eventually, financial gain.
As he spoke to me, it was clear that he was becoming excited about the possibility of what action he might take in order to be given a full-time assistant. However, after sharing these insights he added that there was no point thinking about all of this because it wasn’t going to happen. Again, I had the choice of letting it go, or continuing with my challenge. I chose the latter. I assured him that I understood that he didn’t think it would happen, but again asked him if there was a possibility of it happening, what action would he take?
His response was to reiterate what he’d said previously, but this time he added that he would build the best business case possible and would then present it to the CEO. He considered that he had a good relationship with the CEO and that the worst-case scenario was that the answer would be ‘no’. The more he talked, the more excited he became about the prospect of building the business case, and he became confident that it would be difficult for anyone to disregard his arguments.
By the conclusion of our conversation, it became clear that he wanted to try to secure a full-time assistant. He decided that he had nothing to lose and lots to gain, and of all the options, he knew that this was the one that would achieve the outcome he was hoping for. I left him tasked with the action to build his business case and to organise a meeting with the CEO and we agreed to meet again in about three weeks time. I asked him to contact me if I could support him further, but my feelings were that he knew exactly what he wanted, and how to be successful in achieving the desired outcome.
As agreed, I revisited my client three weeks later. A new desk was outside his office door, and a technician was working on the installation of a PC. As I entered his office my client invited me to sit down and immediately advised me that I wouldn’t believe what I was about to hear. He said that he had taken all of the actions that he had agreed to undertake and had met with the CEO during the previous week. During this meeting, the CEO had been so impressed with his business case that she immediately agreed to his request for a full-time assistant. In fact, the CEO was so understanding of his plight that she agreed to appoint someone temporarily into the role whilst he undertook a search to find a suitable candidate. My client sat back in quiet contentment, but also with a sense of disbelief at what had been achieved. He thanked me for helping him to achieve something that he didn’t think was possible.
As I share this story with you, I am filled with a sense of pride in my client for being prepared to be open to challenge, and to successfully do something that he thought was impossible. In addition, I am in awe of the power of questions. Not once did I tell my client what to do or that he was wrong – instead, I used a questioning approach to our conversation that allowed him to gain new insights that meant he could move forward and take action to achieve the changes he wanted.
I trust that you are starting to see that questions can be amazingly powerful in helping to make us more resourceful and to tap into our own wisdom and knowledge, and in finding better answers!
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