problem.
Eventually, most of us realize that the cover up attempt isn’t working, and we certainly won’t be happy living with the problem. So the best solution is to strip the wall completely, and begin again. Dealing with the problem requires time, effort, and commitment, but it can be done. In some cases it may require starting over, but the reward is worth it!
My approach in this book is to help you strip the walls and start fresh. That’s right! The goal is to deal with every aspect of the problem. More importantly, it is my sincere hope that as you read, you will gain significant clarity and begin to redesign your walls to reflect the colors and textures best suited for the life you really want to live.
There is an African proverb that states, “When you understand the ‘whys’ of life, you can endure any ‘how.’” I now live by this proverb and its simple, yet absolute truth. Likewise, as you begin to identify and appreciate the “what” and “whys” of your life, you will be better able to trust and rely on your internal compass for direction.
Right off the bat, I will tell you this book is less about how to give yourself permission. How you do that is completely up to you. It is more about the what and whys that may be hindering you from giving yourself permission to succeed in life. More specifically, what has your dreams and ambitions on lockdown, and why does it sometimes seem you’re hell-bent on sabotaging your own success?
For some people, the need to give themselves permission derives from some major life experience. Some have been abused and belittled by people they loved and trusted. Despite efforts to forget about and grow through these situations, they still end up allowing others to have greater authority in their lives than they give themselves. Others have experienced failure so many times they can barely find the courage to try again. Still others are duped into accepting feelings of low self-esteem that may stem from being rejected or being manipulated by others.
Then there are those who can believe the best for everyone else, but can’t embrace it for themselves. They have no idea why their progress is limited, or for that matter, why they think the way they do. You may not fit into either scenario. Maybe you have another set of challenges, but the good news is your situation is about to change!
As you read this book and consider embracing the notion of giving yourself permission, I recommend you do three important things:
1.Take baby steps.
Start by choosing some aspect of your life or situation that poses the least amount of emotional, mental, or physical resistance. Don’t choose anything that would cause unnecessary anxiety. For example, take action on one small task that will get you on the path to fulfilling a dream. To achieve this goal, you may elect to release one sabotaging thought or negative habit. Or, you could praise yourself for something you’ve already done to get the ball rolling.
2.Stay consistent.
Keep working on that one task until the positive outcome becomes second nature. Believe me, trying to rush through the process only makes matters worse. Take all the time you need. There is no magic timetable or accelerated expectation to learning how to give yourself permission.
3.Experience the journey.
What do you mean “experience the journey”? you may be wondering. Some things I talk about in the book won’t apply to you. That’s okay. But, when the information does touch your spirit, give yourself permission to explore ways to begin using it in your day-to-day life. Highlight and underline those things that speak specifically to you. Make special notes to refer to later by writing in the margins of the book, take notes, or journal your thoughts and emotions.
How to Use This Book
During certain instances in the book, you will see the words Side bar, which means I’ve gotten off the specific point for a moment to make an off-the-cuff, but relevant comment. Once I get off my soapbox, you will see the word Resume, which means I’m back on topic. My intent is to “keep it real,” so at times, I use a few curse words — but nothing hardcore.
It’s best to build your voice and your brand of success in small, yet consistent increments. At the end of each chapter, I have added a “Self-Permission Challenge.” These exercises were included to highlight specific points in each chapter and to help reinforce your resolve to give yourself permission. As you accept each challenge, I encourage you to take small steps toward achieving what you really want in life, love, and success. Instead of trying to make huge, quick changes, I recommend you use what I call The Principle of 5%.
The Principle of 5% is “taking small, non-disruptive, but intentional, persistent steps toward change.” No, I can’t tell you what 5% worth of effort literally measures out to be, but I can say it’s just enough, if done persistently and purposefully, to guarantee a stronger foundation for success. The number five also symbolizes harmony, balance, and divine grace. The Principle of 5% works because it takes very little energy or thought. Therefore, it doesn’t cause your subconscious mind anxiety or distress. Introducing change of any kind in large doses will only cause your mind to perceive your desired change — no matter how good it is — as a threat.
Our natural, human response to a perceived threat is “fight or flight.” Loved ones and significant others may also perceive large and quick doses of change as a threat, revenge, intimidation, or you going through a crazy spell. Their responses may impact you negatively and result in setbacks. After enduring a certain amount of resistance, you might begin to think self-sabotaging thoughts, like “what’s the use?” If these negative thoughts linger, you could end up right back at square one. So just remember, keep the changes small, but keep them steady.
While I have outlined specific tasks at the end of each chapter, the ultimate task is learning to break free from the invisible internal resistance that up to now has held you back. The key to finding your voice and your own brand of success is to discover the authentic you. I’m not referring to the person people think you are or want you to be; I am specifically referring to the real you who has been trapped inside.
Throughout Giving Myself Permission, I share many personal experiences that caused me to become apprehensive and as a result, limited my own success. I also take a very vivid walk through the events that led me to giving myself permission. But of course, the names of those I mention in the book have been changed, and the events are not in sequence of their occurrence. While I have learned to better my life through this process and have experienced things I could previously only imagine, I am still confronted with situations that challenge my ability to continue giving myself permission.
The biggest challenge most times is confronting my inner critic. It’s that voice inside that tells you what you can’t do, how guilty you should feel, and how inferior you are in comparison to others. The inner critic reminds you of all the things you’ve tried before and failed at. Whether it’s losing weight, starting a business, buying a home, or starting a relationship, the inner critic ALWAYS has something to say. It wants you to give up! But you can’t because deep inside, you know that making steps toward change is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. And it is! This entire process of learning to give ourselves permission is just that — a learning experience.
The reality of giving yourself permission is something you and I will have to do every day. Why? Because the “inner critic” is actively at work, always waiting to smugly point out our weaknesses, fears, and failures. Its very presence is what reinforces self-sabotaging thoughts. With that in mind, I’m also writing for the times when I will need to read my own book to regain focus and increase confidence. As tedious as things may become during this transformation, we can’t give in to the old views of our inner critic any longer.
The words
