an example, let’s say you are pretty happy with Self and you give yourself eight points out of ten. Your Work life is good (despite the fact that you dislike many of your colleagues) and you give yourself a seven. Material side of life is okay, but not great – a six. But Relationships with Others seem to suffer. You spend very little time with people who mean most to you. You give yourself a three. Then your Wheel of Life isn’t going to look much like a wheel. It will resemble a loaf of homemade bread. And it won’t roll very well when you attach it to your wagon. Your mission is to expand that flat area – a target area for dreaming – and make your wheel round. A life of balance is a life that is good.
If all four dimensions are only average, then my guess is that your Wheel of Life may generally roll pretty smoothly. At least it is round and balanced. However, maybe your level of joy and satisfaction is way below what really satisfies you. And if you happen to run into a pothole with this small wheel, it will really feel shaky. In this case your mission will be to grow each segment in a balanced fashion.
Dream on
Now, let’s go back to dreaming.
Let’s start with a cliché. Not too many people would knock a house in the suburbs with a nice garden. Two cars in the driveway, 1.5 kids and a dog and a lawn. A nice flat screen LED television set – maybe even 3D, more than one if you want. Cable TV with lots of channels. Good educations for the kids. A summer home. A vacation somewhere warm each year. What else could you want? (Some wise guy always says: I don’t want a lawn, I want an apartment. Okay. You can have your apartment. This is a gross generalization, anyway.)
I think I need to point out that this cliché is not a cliché for many people in the world, though it probably will be for many who read this book, because chances are you are residing in the relatively affluent western world. You may not have all of it, but you probably already have some form of it. I raise the issue of a cliché because I want you to really dream outside your normal frame of reference. You are, after all, dining at Restaurant la Vie. And if this petit bourgeois still life does not interest you, and you know what you want instead, then I sincerely applaud you. Standing ovations and congratulations.
There’s a story I like by the writer Stanley Bing. He writes about interviewing young people for a job in his company and posing the question: What would you really like to be doing? All the kids answer in corporatespeak. They give him mumbo-jumbo about wanting to “interface with partner peers” or wanting to “assimilate effectively into the corporate culture” or “market a product inside the complex matrix of the branding mix.” Bing then stops the applicants and explains that that’s not what he’s asking. He wants to know what they’d really like to be doing. But they don’t get it. Bing finally gets fed up with one kid and suggests that perhaps he’d rather be at home having sex with his girlfriend or heliskiing avalanche zones in the Alps or defying death by surfing a hurricane wave in Maui. The kid looks Bing straight in the eye and repeats his previous answer about the complex matrix of the branding mix. Does anyone, deep down in his heart, really want to “market a product inside the complex matrix of the branding mix?” Bing doesn’t think so.
I’ll say it again: You are in Restaurant la Vie. And everything is on the menu.
Earlier, when I explained the Wheel of Life, you perhaps noticed that we dealt mainly with problem situations, where something was wrong or missing from your life. Maybe it was uninspiring for you. And even though I believe that there are very few people who experience no problems for extended periods of time, I still feel that the problem-centered approach is clearly not enough.
Let me give you another, more exciting exercise to try out – still based on the Wheel of Life concept. In my seminars I call it the idea of “home.” It circles around a very simple question:
If everything in your life was just the way you wanted and “just right,” then what would your life be like? I think this is one of the most useful and beautiful questions to help start dreaming. I encourage people to visualize and jot down their best imagination of a “just right” life, based on the parts of the Wheel of Life. Try to look, say, five to seven years into the future. The reason I call it “home” is because usually home is where everything is just right. Or even great. Jot down how circumstances would need to be in different parts of your life so that you’d be really satisfied with them. Dreaming in such a way is really quite practical. Give it a try!
But to say “dream” or “dream big” isn’t quite enough. To dream well and have it work for you, you have got to do it in a way that eliminates any negative subconscious connotations. Positive dreams often have negative linings. Some people associate dreaming with something they want but will never get – unconsciously attaching it to hopelessness. Other people may find they’ve been habitually dreaming other people’s dreams and wonder why. To them, wishful dreaming or goal-setting may feel downright repulsive.
I am not trying to depress you. My intent is the opposite – I want to encourage you to think of things, relationships and experiences that are out of your reach now, but that would bring you much satisfaction.
To take it a step further, let me use a word that I have come to like lately – vision. That is partly what I referred to in the previous paragraph while talking about the concept of “home.” There is a fundamental difference, however. The thought of everything being close to ideal, or all right or in perfect order will probably fill you with warm and cozy feelings of comfort, perhaps will put a broad smile on your face. A compelling vision will make you feel differently. It will fill you with excitement and enthusiasm. It might put that lump in your throat like when you are facing an important challenge. It will make you get off your butt and take action.
As a younger man, I had many such visions for my future. I believe that where I am today is largely a result of those visions. In recent years, approaching the arithmetic middle of my life, I have also experienced a lack of compelling future visions. I suppose that is one of the reasons I chose to undertake a vision quest in the Native American tradition just before I turned 44. It was a one of the best experiences of my life so far. Within an eight-day period, with a group of 10 people, I spent time in nature, discussing the challenges and choices of life. The central element of the vision quest was a 72-hour stretch during which I fasted alone in the wilderness without any normal distractions (such as a phone, iPod, computer, or books). Not even a watch. Just a notebook and a pen to keep track of your reflections.
I came out out of the desert invigorated. My vision was not complete and did not stretch for the full period I was hoping for (the second half of my life). But it was great enough to help me make many very important changes within just a three-week period. There were many extremely important learnings and gains that I will not go into here. Let me just say again that having a vision really works – you’ve got have it. Otherwise you will perish in the rut of short-term goals and obligations.
What is your vision for your life? Or at least for the next stage of your life?
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона,
