that! He didn’t understand. And so I couldn’t do a thing. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t fuck and I couldn’t run away.
I guess this is why I’m telling you this story. I want you to understand. Please, stay with me right now. I will tell you everything that happened. My mouth works like a deep, deep ditch – there’s always more, one inch deeper. Please trust me, please. I’ll tell it all. Just stay with me here for a little while longer.
It all started with me and that guy at a club. I remember seeing him across the room. His eyebrows were thick, all in one line. He was watching me dance and it made my stomach stir. This guy looked as strong as a bull. I started moving over to him. The music was so loud that my whole body vibrated. As I got closer and closer to this guy’s chest I thought I wanted to marry him. I swear I’d never felt it before like that, that I wanted to be near to a man, barely moving, forever. My head reached his chin. Our bodies were almost rubbing. I felt like a lioness under her king. I wanted to look up and lick him, clean him and stroke him. I am saying that the very first time I met this man, his body made me feel like I was near it for a reason, that I was living how I was born to be living.
Of course me and the guy got together that first night. I thought that there was a branch that was burning between his legs and it filled my mouth, every inch of me, with fury. There was practically nothing left when he was inside me. I sucked and I squeezed my throat muscles, I kissed and rubbed his flesh with my red-hot insides. I wanted his white-hot expulsion to drip down my throat. When he was inside me the very first time, I had the feeling that a real person was finally inside me.
But I didn’t know how to get what I usually got from a man. I wanted to be having sex with this guy even more, all the time. And I didn’t know how to make it happen. I thought about him in my bed, on the street, it didn’t matter. I stopped thinking about everybody else. I was paralyzed. What was playing so clear in my head – my face at his stomach, my mouth on his cock, sucking and staying so near to his skin – this kind of vision was swelling me up and then when I saw him I clenched like a fist.
All he wanted was sex from my mouth. Then sometimes we did it me up on top of him moving too fast, and sometimes we did it him pushing behind me, me arching my back, my face in the bed. My whole body ached like this thing that could crack. My heart was a bargain-priced dim plate of glass.
I knew for sure that things were really going to hurt me the first time we did it, sex in my ass. The guy had told me that he’d wanted to do that with me ever since he first saw me. My ass is kind of plump and it moves in circles when I fuck. I was always scared of having sex there because men usually hurt me when they put their fingers in there. I swear, I thought that if I let this guy do it to me in the ass I’d be this open-assed dog howling forever! I mean, I knew I was in for some kind of trouble that night because I’d been dancing up close to other guys at the club.
‘You’re a slut,’ the guy said when we got back to his place.
‘I’m sorry. Come on. It was nothing. Look, I’m sorry.’
‘You saying sorry means nothing to me.’
I don’t remember what I tried to say next. His voice was so mean. I remember him unbuckling his belt. It slithered between his palms. The guy got so livid, his eye whites turned red.
‘Take off your dress and your underwear,’ he said.
‘Come on, don’t.’
‘Do it.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Do it.’
He’d backed me up against the door. There was a lump in my throat that was going to burst. My teeth were clenched. I didn’t want the guy to see me cry. So I started slowly taking off my clothes. He was so close to me. He was looking all over. I was cradling my body with my arms trying to hide myself.
‘Please,’ I was begging. ‘Don’t.’
‘I’ve had it from you.’
For some reason we both knew what kind of thing was going on between us. He was seething and I was making these pressed-together cries. His hands took my wrists and he dragged me into the living room. Then he reached under my arms, gripped me like a child and pretty much forced me down on a chair on top of him. I was hanging like a dishrag over his thighs. I made my whole body go as limp as it could on his legs. I was shivering, afraid I was going to piss. My stomach was pressing into his knees. He tore down my underwear. My ass felt huge and cold. It was right there for him. The belt was whipping above me like a flame.
‘Don’t hurt me! Please!’ I was choking and trying to kick back or shimmy my legs. My underwear was not all the way down. My underwear made me hog-tied.
The man let the belt crack down on my ass. It was like a magician cutting through a lady’s neck. I froze. I really froze. And I heard myself cry. But it didn’t feel like I was making real noise. I wanted to tell the man to stop it. I wanted to tell him to put his tongue on my ass, to put it right where it hurt. He kept whipping my big white behind with that belt. I humped on his knee trying to get away.
‘Stop!’
I was stuck.
‘Please!’
I squeezed my eyes. My fingers, my toes were spasming like fish.
The man pushed me off him and onto the floor. I was wobbling there, a runt, on my hands and my knees. My ass cheeks were naked, all tilted up. I tried to look back at him through teary fuzzy eyes. We were in the middle of the living room. His house. His TV. His books. His rules. The guy was looming over me. My hand went down between my thighs. I was trying so hard to hold myself in. I didn’t know why I was wet.
Suddenly the guy reached down for my hair. He grabbed it and pulled me like the runt that I was down the hallway. We stopped at the mirror beside his bedroom. When I saw myself I started breathing so fast. My cheeks were bright red. My eyes were running black.
‘God. God. God. Everything hurts … ’
I think the guy must’ve felt sorry for me right then. He sank down to his knees behind me. For one second I saw his face and he was looking at what he did to my ass. Then he moved his mouth down there. He put his lips right where he’d hit. It was making more heat burn all over my skin. The side of my face was pressed up against the mirror.
Then, without letting go of my ass, he lay on his back underneath my thighs. He brought his face up toward my pussy and he pulled me by the hips down to him. It was the first time that he’d ever done that. It felt too good, his lips kissing near my clit, his tongue coming out, his whole head moving, he was doing it so fast. I’d never felt myself move like that. I was moving so fast in time to him. I couldn’t control myself. I was buzzing all over, it was leaving from my throat. Then still too fast, the guy slid out from under me. I couldn’t feel his lips anymore. I wanted more. He was up there behind me. We were still in the hallway. I could smell the kitchen and his bed. The guy’s hard body pushed up against my ass. He was rubbing the head of his cock on my asshole and gripping my hips. I was rocking into him and he thought that I wanted it, but I just couldn’t stop it, my hot ass moving in circles and circles. Inside my throat the buzzing was just getting louder. I thought I was screaming: No! No! No!
‘It’s okay,’ the guy said. ‘Shhhh!’
My elbows weakened. My mouth touched the floor. My ass moved up in the air like a dog’s. It felt like the buzzing mass in
