everything is in a chain—all is admirably organized in nature and consequently in society—Which is part of nature. To argue, to dispute, to protest.
BARON
To eat too much.
PANGLOSS
That demonstrates one is unworthy of embracing—
CANDIDE
(To Cunegonde) Who are they?
PANGLOSS
(Hurrying his speech) The Metaphysical—Theological Cosmological Pedagogy—which proves that this Château is the most beautiful of all possible Châteaux, that Milord Baron is the most generous, the most brave, the most powerful of all possible barons, that Milady the Baroness is the best possible Baroness—that the happy subjects who are at their service are the most happy of all possible subjects, and that the society in which we live is the most beautiful, the most just, the most admirable of all possible societies. (He wipes himself off)
BARON
Very fine! (To Pikemen) You understood—imbeciles?
PIKEMEN
(After a short hesitation) Long live the Baron!
PANGLOSS
You see they are perfectly convinced.
BARON
That suffices—Tomorrow, same thing—! Second lesson—Come Madame. Let’s go into our beautiful castle. (He leaves followed by the Baroness and the Grand Almoner)
PANGLOSS
(To Pikemen) Go—Meditate on my instructions.
1st PIKEMAN
Us? You’re joking—
PANGLOSS
What!—You dare? Just now in front of the Baron—
1st PIKEMAN
That’s not the same thing. The Baron has a whip. (The Pikemen leave)
PANGLOSS
(To Candide and Cunegonde) Go take a stroll in the park. (They go) (To Paquette) You—Stay!
PAQUETTE
Ah, Mr. Pangloss, how well you talk! I didn’t understand much, but—
PANGLOSS
It’s really very simple—not only is everything good—but everything is for the best. So—here we are alone. Isn’t that what we wish?
PAQUETTE
Fie, sir—you are a strange philosopher—And your theories.
PANGLOSS
(Squeezing her) Let’s leave our theories.
PAQUETTE
Your speech—
PANGLOSS
It’s really a question of speeches—(Grabs her by the waist and embraces her) No words, deeds!
PAQUETTE
(Not resisting) What kind of Philosophy is that?
PANGLOSS
Always the same. There’s no effect without a cause. You have the prettiest possible figure—it’s made to be taken—And I am taking it—You have the rosiest, the freshest mouth possible—it was made to be kissed and I am kissing it.
PAQUETTE
Oh—but someone could see us.
PANGLOSS
Come, delicious Paquette—match your arguments against mine in this ditch. It will be very well for us to see if the same causes always produce the same effects. (He leads her into the ditch at the same time as Candide and Cunegonde enter the same ditch)
CANDIDE
Let’s continue to inform ourselves, darling Cunegonde.
CUNEGONDE
Without a doubt it’s a lesson in Philosophy—a private lesson! (They observe the frolics of Pangloss and Paquette which have become invisible)
CANDIDE
That to me has the appearance of experimental physics.
CUNEGONDE
Paquette appears to me to be very advanced—
CANDIDE
Yes—She’s a fine pupil.
CUNEGONDE
Experimental physics is a very interesting science.
CANDIDE
Thrilling!
CUNEGONDE
Ah, Candide, it seems to me, that I too, I have an inclination towards this beautiful science.
CANDIDE
My darling Cunegonde.
CUNEGONDE
My dear Candide—I feel very—moved—
CANDIDE
I have a heart that beats—that beats—(Cunegonde lets her fan fall—Candide picks it up—He takes her hand gracefully—and kisses it with excitement. She smiles—He embraces her)
BARON
(First speechless, then raising his arm) Oh!
BARONESS
(Raising her arm) For goodness sakes!
GRAND ALMONER
(Raising his arm) Heavens!
CANDIDE
I won’t do it anymore!
BARON
Bandit!
BARONESS
Swine!
GRAND ALMONER
Rake! (The Baron rushes at Candide, who flees—he catches him and gives him a big kick in the behind that propels him into the wings)
BARON
Don’t let me ever see you here again—for any reason. (Meanwhile the Baroness has socked Cunegonde who promptly
