life to a corporation exists whether we are in an upward or downward economic trend.
It’s also time to let go of the outdated notion that if you look after the company, it will look after you. We have slowly moved down the continuum, from our parents’ era where the company took care of its people, to today’s world where there are no guaranteed rewards for hard work. You are much better served by viewing yourself as “me incorporated.” Whether you work for a company, run your own business, or run the family, it’s only smart to package your skills and abilities effectively and use them to create the life you want to live. This doesn’t mean we suggest a pure “look out for number one” attitude. Instead, we advocate having a realistic picture of your needs and the needs of the employers and family members in your life, and find a way to work with integrity to benefit all parties.
Seven Keys to Controlling the Beast
Remember how we said that the second I in Comfortable Chaos is imperfect? The essence of controlling the corporate beast lies in acknowledging that no matter how much you do or give, it will never be enough. You will never attain perfection and the beast will always ask for more. The remainder of this chapter outlines seven strategies to help you shift your mindset away from the “I have to do it all” mode to a more objective approach.
Give up Perfectionism
Succumbing to the pressure of the corporate beast is what creates perfectionism and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Contrary to popular opinion, perfectionism is different than striving for excellence. In fact, true perfectionism is often the enemy of excellence.
Take the example of Teri, who is working on her bachelor’s degree. She is a pure perfectionist when it comes to her standards for herself and her grades. She takes the required classes for her major and maintains nearly a 4.0 grade point average and a place on the dean’s list every semester. When the opportunity arises to take a couple of advanced classes that are not required, she chooses not to take them for fear that she may not do as well in them and bring down her grade point average.
She is not alone in this tendency. Many perfectionists will shy away from risks and consequently do not grow and learn to become the best person they can be. Fear of achieving something less than perfection can inhibit and paralyze. It can also prevent you from having fun — a definite element of Comfortable Chaos! Many people won’t even try new sports or recreational activities that could enrich their lives because they are afraid that, at least initially, they won’t be very good at them. Their mantra is, “If I can’t do it well, I won’t even try.”
Perfectionism can also drive you crazy and cause you to end up feeling perpetually stressed and angry. You may actually perseverate on certain things while not allowing time to attend to other key priorities. The net effect prevents us from achieving excellence.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? You are working on a huge and high-visibility project at work. You stress and worry over it far beyond that point at which you could have said to yourself, “I did my best, I need to move on to other things now.” You continue working and reworking the numbers and your presentation. In the meantime you have missed deadlines and dropped the ball on several less important projects. The result is that the coworkers involved in the other projects begin to view you as a person who is not always on top of everything and not always reliable. In the end, the high-visibility project is received moderately well, but all the extended work did not pay off. Was it really worth damaging your relationships for the sake of an only marginally improved presentation?
This same phenomenon can occur in family and parenting choices. Let’s say your daughter’s class is having a party at school. You’ve been asked to bring in some treats on Friday. You know that Thursday is going to be a busy evening, but instead of giving a little on your standard of being the “perfect cookie Mom” and purchasing a treat, you stay up way too late baking these incredibly complex, cute little cookies. The next day, your daughter takes them to school and you never hear a word of thanks or praise from the teacher or any of the other parents involved. You fulfilled your self-perpetuated “perfect cookie Mom” image but got very little gratification. Instead, you are tired and cranky the entire next day, which prevents you from being as efficient as you would like at work and causes you to snap at your children. Is this really excellence?
Remember that perfectionism is not a badge of honor — it only feeds the corporate beast. Let go of the perfectionist approach and you will take back a good chunk of your life.
Remember Your Priorities
“You can say ‘no’ and smile only when there is a bigger ‘yes’ burning within you.” This wonderful quote was spotted on a desk calendar and the author is unknown. The message is so right on — you’ll never know when to say “no” unless you have clearly identified your personal “yesses.”
By identifying your priorities in Chapter 2, you have made them conscious and therefore more powerful. To make sure they stay fresh in your mind, consider displaying them in places where you need a reminder before taking on new commitments. For example, jot them in your calendar or daily planner or enter them in your personal digital assistant (pda). Maybe you will just need a key word like “priorities” to serve as your cue.
Don’t feel bad if you find you constantly have to return to focusing on or updating your priorities. Donna, who is a school psychologist and has extensive training on identifying values and priorities, recently found herself out of sorts. She was running at full speed and realized that her commitments had become overwhelming. So she made time to sit down and review her priorities. “I feel so much better,” she later said. “I knew I wasn’t spending my time where my priorities lie, but until I really took the time to compare my commitments to my priorities, I was unable to get off the hamster wheel.” Donna is still performing her job duties well, but she is now making the time to eat more healthily and exercise.
To prevent yourself from reaching a crisis like Donna, don’t answer immediately when you are asked or tempted to take on a new project or opportunity. Instead, ask yourself, “Does this time commitment support or detract from my priorities?” This is the essence of many time management programs but we all need to be reminded of this simple step. It’s too easy to get caught up in the excitement of something new or the seduction of helping out and being a team player. These are all definite attractions but unless they fit with your current priorities, you may later feel resentment about the task and frustration about not having the time for what really matters to you.
Know Your Worth
If you know your strengths, skills, and priorities, it’s much easier to play give and take with the beast. Of course, “tooting your own horn” is not something that comes naturally for most people, especially for many women who were taught to downplay their strengths and talents. But it’s well worth it to overcome the good girl syndrome. This is critical in all of your roles as a parent, spouse, employee, and employer — because only when you know your value are you able to leverage your reputation to get more of what you need.
For example, if you work outside the home, you have probably negotiated something at one time or another — whether it was for a modification to your work assignment or for the opportunity to go to a professional conference. Some of these negotiations may have felt relatively easy but your success was tied to your past behaviors and results more than you probably realized. Your ability to get things done is your negotiating strength. Sometimes you don’t even have to play this card, but other times you may need to tie your past success to a new request. Be prepared with an inventory of your skills and accomplishments. Update your résumé just for the practice of putting it
