Eastwood) asked why she was still there trying to help him through his health problems, “I feel this dysfunctional sense of responsibility to make sure that you’re okay.” If, like Amy, you are worried about your aging parents and their ability to care for themselves, this book is for you!
Are you wondering when is the right time to get help for your parents? Are you struggling with what the best time is to move them from home care to a long-term care facility? These are tough questions for any child to answer. I have often teased my own children that I want to get a tattoo with a “best before date” in big, bold letters, clearly instructing them on when it is the right time to place my infirm remains in a nice, warm, comfortable retirement residence at the first sign of senility. If only it were that easy.
This book is designed to help you balance the needs of your aging parents with your own lifestyle needs and retirement dreams.
1. The Different Stages of the Elderly
There are different stages of being a senior; people can be distinguished between the Youthful, Middle Age, and Elderly of the senior years.
Youthful seniors are represented by those who are healthy and active — typically between the ages of 65 and 75 (or older, if still in good health). These are the years of high activity, sometimes including continued work, travel, and even extreme sports. These are frequently also the caregivers of their chronically ill parents.
Seniors in their Middle Years, older than age 75, are still active but to a lesser degree. They may be suffering from a chronic illness, which limits their activities to a certain extent. They still have the ability to live independent lives, and most choose to remain living in their own homes. Indeed, they are encouraged to do so by society and by our government agencies, until the onset of a serious critical illness, or if and when they are no longer able to perform what are known as The Activities of Daily Life[2].
The Activities of Daily Life consist of the following:
• Eating and feeding ourselves
• Dressing ourselves
• Bathing ourselves and maintaining basic hygiene and toilet activities without help
• Transferring in and out of bed, bath, or chair without help
• Maintaining our home and surroundings for basic cleanliness and safety
Once a chronic illness interferes with an older senior’s ability to carry on independently, we refer to them as Elderly. This has more to do with ability than actual age. For example, there are many highly active and engaged individuals older than 80 who would rarely be referred to as “elderly”; for example, Warren Buffett, Queen Elizabeth, Sir Michael Caine, Betty White, and Maya Angelou.
As mentioned in the introduction, the North American population is aging at a remarkable rate thanks in part to the number of births in the Baby Boom generation, continued advances in medicine, and healthy lifestyles. By the year 2041 we will see one in every four persons qualify as a senior. With the fastest growing segment of the senior population being those older than 85, it is more likely than ever before that Youthful seniors will be taking care of their parents in the Elderly senior category.
In the USA, the Administration on Aging (www.aoa.gov) gives the following statistics:
• Of the US population, 1 in 8 is 65 years or older.
• Population of those older than the age 65 numbered 40.4 million people in 2010.
• Expected population of 65-year-olds by 2020 is 55 million, and by 2030, it is expected the number will grow to 72.1 million.
• It is estimated that between 20 to 40 percent of US adults are now caring for a sick or an elderly family member. Since most caregivers are family, accurate data is difficult to come by.
• The US economy is cited as a cause for more sick and elderly being cared for at home by informal caregivers (mostly family members).
The Certified Professional Consultant on Aging (CPCA) cites the following Canadian statistics in their course material “Becoming a CPCA”:
• 1 in 5 Canadians age 45 and older are providing care to a senior.
• 6 percent of Canadians older than age 75 report being caregivers.
• Adults have more parents than children for the first time in history
A recent Statistics Canada report identifies 8 million Canadians as caregivers in 2012[3], and the number one reason cited for requiring caregiving in this report was aging (28 percent). Adding Alzheimer’s and dementia to that number (an additional 6 percent) shows that almost 3 million people are already caring for our aging population. It’s time to get prepared.
2. Why Do We Fear Aging?
In my more than 20 years of experience as a Certified Financial Planner, working with more than 1,000 Boomers, they are, by and large, working toward their retirement savings goals. However, the majority are behind in their required saving schedule, which presents a serious problem. At best, most are on target to retire at 75 percent of their retirement goal. This may require accepting a reduced retirement lifestyle, or working longer (delaying retirement) in order to achieve the savings needed for their desired retirement lifestyle.
As Boomers prepare to retire, they are increasingly being faced with the onset of chronic illness and infirmity of their aging parents. In my experience, Boomers feel obligated to help out, often at a cost to their current lifestyle, and ultimately their retirement lifestyle as well. These costs will be both financial and social.
Taking on the responsibility for the financial care of your aging parents at the same time you are planning your own retirement presents a unique set of challenges. For many of you this may mean a loss of time and money from work, forced early retirement, or a loss of freedom within your own retirement to pursue those long-held and cherished retirement dreams.
In my experience with my own family and my clients, most elderly parents are being less than forthright about their diminishing capabilities. This is a scary time for them, and there are many reasons why they may be withholding information from their adult children:[4]
• Fear of losing independence and treasured privacy.
• Fear of acknowledging mortality.
• Fearing the change of new surroundings, new routines, and new people.
• Not wanting to burden loved ones with their care.
• Fear of the cost of any treatments or care they may require.
• Embarrassment in admitting they can no longer perform certain tasks.
• They may already be experiencing dementia or mental health issues that prevent them from knowing what is happening to them or recognizing their limitations.
As their child, you may be scared as well, causing you to miss the signs of diminished
