with a hand broom to brush off Paratov.
Paratov (to Ivan). What are you doing! I’ve just come from the water, there’s no dust on the Volga.
Ivan. All the same, sir, it’s impossible not to… custom requires it. It’s been a whole year since we saw you… we want to welcome you, sir.
Paratov. All right, fine, thank you. Here. (Hegives him a ruble note.)
Ivan. Thank you very much, sir. (He goes off.)
Paratov. So, Vasily Danilych, you were expecting me to come on the Flier?
Vozhevatov. I didn’t know you’d be coming on your Swallow. I thought you’d be coming with the barges.
Paratov. No, I sold my barges. I thought I’d get here early this morning. I wanted to pass the Flier, but the engineer’s a coward. I keep shouting to the stokers, “Stoke away!”-but he takes the wood from them. He climbs out of the hold and says, “If you throw down just one more log, I’ll throw myself overboard.” He was afraid the boiler wouldn’t stand it. He scratched out some figures for me on paper, calculated the pressure. He’s a foreigner, a Dutchman, a timid soul; they have arithmetic instead of a soul. But gentlemen, I forgot to introduce you to my friend. Moky Parmenych, Vasily Danilych, I present you-Robinson.
Robinson bows solemnly and shakes hands with Knurov and Vozhevatov.
Vozhevatov. And what’s his first name and patronymic?
Paratov. He’s just Robinson, that’s all, no first name or patronymic.
Robinson (to Paratov). Serge!
Paratov. What is it?
Robinson. It’s noon, my friend, I’m suffering.
Paratov. You just wait, we’ll be going to an inn.
Robinson (pointing to the coffee house). Voilà!
Paratov. All right, go ahead, have it your own way!
Robinson goes to the coffee house.
Gavrilo, don’t serve that gentleman more than one small glass; he has a restless disposition.
Robinson (shrugging his shoulders). Serge! (He enters the coffee house, Gavrilo after him.)
Paratov. That, gentlemen, is an actor from the provinces, Arkady Shchastlivtsev by name.
Vozhevatov. Then why is he called Robinson?
Paratov. I’ll tell you. He was traveling on some steamboat or other, I don’t know which one, with a friend of his, a merchant’s son named Neputôvy, both drunk, of course, drunk as could be. They did whatever came into their head, and the passengers put up with it all. At last, to top off all their insane antics, they thought up a dramatic performance. They took off their clothes, cut open a pillow, covered themselves with down and began to play savages. At that point the captain, on the insistence of the passengers, put them ashore on a desert island. We go sailing by that island, I look, and somebody calls out, lifting his arms. Immediately I shout, “Stop,” get into a boat myself, and I find the actor Shchastlivtsev. I take him onto our boat and dress him from head to foot in my own clothes since I have extra. Gentlemen, I have a weakness for actors… That’s why he’s Robinson.
Vozhevatov. And Neputovy stayed on the island?
Paratov. But what good was he to me? Let him get the fresh air. You can judge for yourselves, gentlemen. You know, when you’re traveling it can get awfully boring, you’re glad for any companion.
Knurov. Quite right, of course.
Vozhevatov. That was lucky, a real stroke of luck! Like finding gold!
Knurov. Just one drawback, he’s given to drunkenness.
Paratov. No, gentlemen, he can’t get drunk with me, I’m strict about that. He has no money, and he can’t get anything without my permission. And if he asks me for something, then I make him learn some French conversations from a phrase book I was lucky enough to have. He learns a page first or I won’t give him anything. So he sits down and studies, how hard he tries!
Vozhevatov. How lucky you are, Sergey Sergeyich! I wouldn’t spare anything to have a man like that, but there aren’t any around. Is he a good actor?
Paratov. Well no, hardly! He went through all the roles and was a prompter, but now he plays in operettas. It doesn’t matter, he’ll pass well enough, he’s amusing.
Vozhevatov. You mean he’s fun?
Paratov. He’s entertaining.
Vozhevatov. And can you play jokes on him?
Paratov. Sure, he’s not touchy. Look, to satisfy you I can let you have him for two or three days.
Vozhevatov. Thank you very much. If I like him, he won’t lose by it.
Knurov. How is it, Sergey Sergeyich, that you don’t feel sorry about selling the Swallow?
Paratov. I don’t know what it means to “feel sorry”: for me, Moky Parmenych, nothing is sacred. If it’s to my advantage, I’ll sell anything, no matter what. But now, gentlemen, I have other business and other considerations. I’m going to marry a very rich young woman, I’ll be getting gold mines for a dowry.
Vozhevatov. A good dowry.
Paratov. It won’t come cheap. I have to say good-bye to my freedom and my life of fun. That’s why we should try hard to have a high old time these last days.
Vozhevatov. We’ll try hard, Sergey Sergeyich, we’ll try hard.
Paratov. My fiancée’s father is an important official. He’s a strict old man, and he can’t stand hearing about gypsies, carousals, and the like. He doesn’t even like it if somebody smokes a lot. What you’re supposed to do is put on your frockcoat and parlez français! That’s why I’m practicing now with Robinson. Only he, maybe for show, I don’t know, calls me “la Serge,” not simply “Serge.” He’s terribly funny!
Robinson appears on the steps of the coffee house, chewing something. Gavrilo is behind him.
Paratov (to Robinson). Que faites-vous là? Venez!
Robinson (with a distinguished air). Comment?
Paratov. What charm! What a tone, gentlemen! (To Robinson.) You give up that filthy habit of abandoning respectable society for the tavern.
Vozhevatov. Yes, they have a way of doing that.
Robinson. La Serge,
