cheeks flamed when she noticed them. She wondered how much of the conversation they had overheard.
“Our children. We have to love them,” Carolyn chortled before averting her eyes away from the gawking pair. She turned her face away and dabbed at the tears threatening to drop from her eyes. Even her baby girl hated her. Carolyn couldn’t win for trying. Nothing ever seemed good enough.
* * *
Carolyn and Donna’s ride from the rehabilitation center was tense and silent. Donna brooded the entire ride, and Carolyn tried to please her, as usual. It was as if a joyous occasion had not just happened. The pomp and circumstance of Donna’s rehab graduation had faded quicker than an eclipse of the sun. In an effort to break the silence, Carolyn tried to make small talk about the weather, Donna’s clothes, her new cell phone. When that didn’t work, Carolyn told Donna how proud she was of her accomplishments—getting clean and sober in nine months, winning an award for her artwork in rehab, and finally getting her GED. Carolyn told Donna that she imagined it hadn’t been easy.
Donna ignored her mother, for the most part, though she dropped a vicious insult in response here and there. It wasn’t lost on either of them how many times Carolyn’s cell phone buzzed and interrupted their tense exchange. After the third time, Donna even raised an eyebrow at her mother and said, “Why don’t you stop pretending to be interested in speaking to me and just answer your phone? I already heard that your favorite was coming home. I’m sure you can’t wait. I’m sure you have lots of things planned for the two of you.”
Carolyn’s cheeks flamed at her daughter’s comment. “No one of you is more important than the others. I have three children, not just one,” Carolyn replied. It didn’t make a difference. She was clearly not going to convince Donna. “Why don’t you tell me something new about you?” she added.
Donna rolled her eyes and kept her pursed lips shut tight.
“Okay, then, do you want me to tell you what’s been going on with me?” Carolyn asked.
Again, Donna rolled her eyes and gave her mother the silent treatment. The stalemate went on for several minutes. Finally, too exasperated to continue practically begging her daughter to talk to her, Carolyn gave up. Donna rudely put her earphones in and turned the volume up so loud, Carolyn could hear every curse word in the lyrics of the rap music her daughter listened to. Donna also took to texting incessantly on her new cell phone, one of the luxuries she had missed while locked up in that place.
Defeated, Carolyn resorted to watching the passing scenery outside the Bentley’s darkly tinted windows. She secretly wished she were someplace else. She could think of a million things she would rather be doing than taking her daughter’s abuse. Carolyn’s mind drifted to things she found pleasurable.
When the car went up the winding road leading to the house, Donna yanked her earphones out of her ears and bolted upright in her seat.
“I’m not going to the summer house. I’m going to Chicago, to the Gold Coast condo,” she announced brusquely.
Carolyn’s eyebrows shot up, and her pulse sped up. Donna had been practically living alone at their Gold Coast condo when she disappeared and ultimately got herself in trouble. Carolyn didn’t think it was a good idea for her to go back to that environment so soon. Carolyn wanted Rebecca to keep an eye on Donna.
“Donna, please,” Carolyn said as calmly as she could, given the circumstances. “Your father is asking for everyone to be here. Everyone. He missed you so much. He is looking forward to seeing you. And I want to catch up. You can go to the condo another day.” As Carolyn tried to reason with Donna, she touched her daughter’s leg gently.
Donna tilted her head and looked at her mother through squinted eyes. The look sent a chill down Carolyn’s back. “Please, Mother. Don’t start this bullshit. You don’t want to catch up or spend quality time with me. You want to make things good since your prodigal children are coming home. Junior—the only person who visited me, by the way—already told me Desi was coming,” Donna hissed, pushing Carolyn’s hand off her knee roughly.
Carolyn snatched her hand back, as if a venomous snake had bitten her. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to quell the throbbing that had suddenly started between her eyes. It was starting again already—the hate/ hate relationship her kids had with one another. Carolyn often blamed herself for not handling Desiree’s situation like it should’ve been handled back then. Donna had been too young at the time to understand why her sister was sent away, but Carolyn had seen a big change in Donna afterward. Carolyn let out a long breath, which seemed to zap all her energy. Everything seemed to be at an impasse.
Undeterred by her mother’s silence, Donna went on. “I don’t want to be here. I’m over Idlewild and all your fake friends. I’m sure you have some kind of party planned for your favorite child, but I’m not going to it. I refuse to be like you, like all the people here . . . fucking fake, hiding behind money and designer clothes, all living a big lie.” She paused and gave her mother a hard stare. “Now, either you let me go to the city or you get even more embarrassed when I go around Idlewild telling everyone what a wonderful time I had in drug rehab,” she spat viciously.
Carolyn coughed, or more like gagged. She felt like Donna had gut punched her. She placed her hand on her chest, shocked by her daughter’s outburst. She looked over at her only child, and she swore she could see red flames flickering in Donna’s eyes. Pure hatred clouded the girl’s face. Carolyn’s jaw rocked feverishly, and her pulse pounded. Suddenly everything was swirling around her. She cleared her throat, like she’d done so many times when preparing to speak to Ernest, thinking Donna had grown to be just like her father. Carolyn knew she couldn’t let Donna ruin what she had spent years building—the lie that was their life.
“Donna, I have tried and tried. What more do you want me to do? It is not my fault that your father is sick. He asked for you all to be here, and he chose to ask for Desiree specifically to be here, ” Carolyn began, steeling herself for more cruelty from Donna.
Donna’s face turned bloodred, and her eyebrows folded into a scowl. “I don’t care!” she screamed. “Everyone is always making special arrangements for her whenever she decides we are important enough to come around. She abandoned us! She taught her child to hate us! She hates us!”
Donna yanked on the door handle when the house came into view. The driver slammed on the brakes in response. The car screeched to a halt, and Donna scrambled out the door. Carolyn’s body jerked forward, then back, and her head slammed into the headrest. Her heart pounded even harder, and her head throbbed.
“Oh my God! Donna!” Carolyn screamed, wincing and holding the back of her head. She opened her car door and hung her head out. “Donna! Wait!” she screamed. Visibly shaken, Carolyn decided against running after her daughter. There was nothing Carolyn could do now. It was too late. And there was but so much she could take. She knew that Donna had been serious when she said she would tell everyone she was in rehab. Someplace deep inside Carolyn, what all her friends thought about her was more important than forcing her daughter to be there.
“Everything all right, Mrs. J?” the driver asked.
Carolyn was terribly embarrassed and equally as flustered. She didn’t respond.
“You want me to go after her?” the driver asked, peering at Carolyn through the rearview mirror.
“I’m fine. She’s impossible,” Carolyn replied, trying to seem lighthearted about the incident but not able to prevent her voice from shaking. “Take me up to the house and come back for her. Take her wherever she wants to go.
