rescue children from beatings and failings, to escape wolves, waves, gargoyles, and everything else in this awful school, and to end a story that will kill you. And you’re thinking about a boy?”
“I wanted my happy ending, Aggie,” Sophie said, tears sparkling.
“Getting home alive is our happy ending, Sophie.”
Sophie nodded, but her eyes never left Tedros.
“Welcome to Good Deeds,” said Professor Dovey to students gathered in the Purity Common Room. “Now we’re behind your other subjects, so we’ll dispense with the usual pleasantries. Let me begin by saying that over the years, I’ve seen a disturbing decrease in esteem for this class.”
“Because it’s after lunch,” Tedros whispered into Agatha’s ear.
“And you’re talking to me why?”
“Seriously, what witchy spell did you put on me to make me choose your goblin.”
Agatha didn’t turn.
“You did something,” Tedros fumed. “Tell me.”
“Can’t divulge a witch’s secrets,” Agatha said, gazing ahead.
“Knew it!” Tedros saw Professor Dovey glaring and flashed her a cocksure smile. She rolled her eyes and went on. He leaned over again to Agatha. “Tell me, and my boys will leave you alone.”
“Does that include you?”
“Just tell me what you did.”
Agatha exhaled. “I used the Hopsocotl Spell, a potent hex from the Gavaldonic Witches of Reapercat. They’re a small coven on the shores of the Callis River, not just expert spell casters but also great harvesters of—”
“What you did.”
“Well,” said Agatha, turning to him, “the Hopsocotl Spell worms its way into your brain like a swarm of leeches. It swims its way into every cranny, breeding, multiplying, festering for just the right moment. And just when it hooks into your every nook and crevice . . . ssssspppt! It sucks you of every intelligent thought and leaves you dumb as a donkey’s ass.”
Tedros went red.
“One more thing. It’s permanent,” Agatha said, and turned back around.
While Tedros mumbled about hangings, stonings, and the other ways his father punished wicked women, Agatha listened to Professor Dovey justify the importance of Good Deeds.
“Every time you do a Good Deed with true intention, your soul grows purer. Though lately, my Good students have been doing them as if they were chores, preferring to cultivate their egos, arrogance, and waist size! Let me assure you, our winning streak can end at any time!”
“Not if the School Master controls the Storian,” said Agatha.
“Agatha, the School Master has absolutely no role in how the stories play out,” Professor Dovey said impatiently. “He cannot control the Storian.”
“He seemed pretty good at magic to me,” Agatha replied.
“Excuse me?”
“He can split into shadows. He can make a room disappear. He can make it all seem like a dream, so surely he can control a pen—”
“And how might you know all this?” Professor Dovey sighed.
Agatha saw Tedros smirking.
“Because he showed me,” she said.
Tedros’ smirk vanished. Professor Dovey looked like a kettle about to steam. Students glanced nervously between her and Agatha.
Their teacher smiled tightly. “Oh, Agatha, what an imagination you have. It will serve you well when you’re waiting for someone to rescue you from a ravenous dragon. Let’s hope he arrives in time. Now, the three keys to Good Deeds are creativity, feasibility, and spontaneity—”
Agatha opened her mouth, but Professor Dovey silenced her with a glare. Knowing she was on shaky ground, Agatha pulled out parchment and took notes with the rest.
Before Surviving Fairy Tales, the students of both schools found themselves summoned to an assembly in the Clearing.
As soon as Agatha popped through the tree tunnel, Kiko grabbed her—“Tristan changed his hair!”
Agatha glanced over at Tristan, leaning against a tree. His hair was blond now, drooping over one eye. He reminded her of someone.
“He said he did it for Beatrix!” Kiko wailed, hair still hideously red.
Agatha followed Tristan’s eyes to Beatrix, who was jabbering to Tedros. Tedros couldn’t have been less enthused and puffed at the blond bangs drooping over his—
Agatha coughed. She looked back at Tristan, puffing at his droopy blond bangs. Then at Tedros, who had two shirt buttons undone and his tie loosened with its golden T. Then at Tristan, who had undone two buttons and loosened his tie with its golden T.
“What if I’m blond like Beatrix?” Kiko hounded. “Then will Tristan like me?”
Agatha turned. “You need to find a new crush immediately.”
“ATTENTION.”
She looked up to find the entire faculty fanned between the two tunnels, including Castor and Pollux, whose heads had been reunited on their canine body.
Professor Dovey stepped forward. “There’s been some—”
“MOVE YOUR HIDES, YOU LAZY COWS!” Castor barked.
The last Nevers hurried from their tunnel, with Sophie stumbling out last. She gave Agatha a confused look across the Clearing. Agatha shrugged back.
Professor Dovey opened her mouth to resume—
“PRESENTING CLARISSA DOVEY, DEAN OF THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND PROFESSOR EMERITUS OF GOOD DEEDS,” said Castor.
“Thank you, Castor,” said Professor Dovey—
“ANY INTERRUPTIONS OR MISBEHAVIOR WILL BE SWIFTLY PUNISHED—”
“THANK YOU, CASTOR!” Professor Dovey shrieked.
Castor stared at his feet.
Professor Dovey cleared her throat. “Students, we have called you here because there have been some unfortunate rumors—”
“Lies, as I call them,” said Lady Lesso. Agatha recognized her as the teacher who had ripped down Sader’s painting in the Gallery of Good.
“So let us be clear,” Professor Dovey continued. “First, there is no curse on Evil. Evil still has the power to defeat Good.”
“Provided Evil does their homework!” Professor Manley growled.
Nevers
