anymore. The fear of being pregnant was even worse now that Noah wanted to wait before bringing our relationship out in the open. I could understand his reasons, even though I didn’t like them. I didn’t have room to be worrying about Constance’s feelings. I couldn’t afford to be generous at this point in my life, not with a baby to think about.
The pressure inside of me began pushing outward, and I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Hunter had helped me get a grip on my emotions before—maybe he could do it again.
“It doesn’t really matter where I live now,” I whispered, staring straight ahead.
“I thought you’d be ecstatic to be so close to Noah.”
I hesitated and remained silent.
“Look, I’m not mad or anything. I really want you to be happy...and I hope we can remain friends.”
Hunter’s voice was sincere, and when I glanced at his face, I couldn’t keep the secret any longer.
I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”
Hunter’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. I watched him turn away and take a breath before he faced me again. Seeing that his expression was neutral gave me confidence that I hadn’t made a mistake telling him.
“What is Noah going to do about it?
Realizing that I’d just told Hunter about the baby before Noah, I felt a stab of guilt. But the slight tremor of anger toward Noah for proposing to Constance still heated my insides, and I pushed aside the troubling thought.
“He doesn’t know yet.”
“What? How come you haven’t told him? You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone,” Hunter said harshly, his voice rising.
“Shhh, my dad doesn’t know about it, either. Just Sam, Summer and Justin.” I paused, catching my breath. “Justin figured it out on his own, but Sam and Summer were with me when I took the tests.”
“You still haven’t told me why Noah doesn’t know yet.”
I fidgeted for a second, worrying what Hunter would think about my relationship with Noah when he knew the truth.
“I was going to tell him tonight, but I just couldn’t. He has our future planned out in his head, and a baby isn’t part of it right now.”
“What do you mean? I’m sure he’d be thrilled if you’re pregnant. Then he has you trapped forever.”
Fire swelled in me. I sat up straighter and said, “I’m not trapped. I can still make my own decisions.”
Hunter groaned. “That may be true to an extent, but Noah’s part of the equation, and he’ll use the situation to make sure you never leave him.” He stared at me with a deep frown and said, “How could you let this happen? Now you have no choice but to become Amish.”
I wanted to be with Noah, more than anything. Even if I had to become Amish to do it. But then why did what he’d just said make my belly do a somersault? Were my choices really gone?
Reading my mind, Hunter’s voice softened when he said, “I guess you don’t have to become Amish if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to raise the baby. There are other options.”
I looked at him questioningly, and he said, “My cousin gave her baby up for adoption.”
The subject of other options for my pregnancy hadn’t come up with Summer or Sam. I think they just assumed that I would keep the baby...and so had I. I understood why some girls would choose to go that route, but the thought of giving the child I created with Noah away made the bile rise from my already queasy stomach.
I swallowed down the hot juices and muttered, “I’m keeping my baby. How could you suggest such a thing?”
“I hate to think of you in this situation. You’re still important to me and this pregnancy changes everything.” He paused and lowered his voice. “You’re going to have to tell your dad about this. It’s too important not to.”
“That’s what Sam says.”
“He’s right. I’m sure you’re afraid to and all, but he’s a doctor. He’ll understand better than most parents.”
I shook my head. “He’ll be devastated...and he’ll probably ship me back to Cincinnati to live with Aunt Debbie. I need to get some things straightened out with Noah before I tell Dad.”
“When do you plan to let Noah in on it?”
“Sam thinks I should do it right away, but Summer wants me to wait. She thinks that I need more time to decide about the whole Amish thing...and to be honest, I’m not sure that I want to be Amish anymore.”
Hunter was quiet for a minute and so was the house. I listened for any sign that Summer and Sam might be arguing, but heard nothing. The only noise was the wind rattling the window every so often.
“If you aren’t absolutely certain about the course you want your life to take, then give it a little more time to decide.”
“You really think so?”
Hunter put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulders softly. I rested my head in the crook of his arm.
“If you decide to take care of the baby on your own, you’ll have support from your family and friends. And, from me— It doesn’t make a difference that it’s Noah’s child. I’ll be there for you one hundred percent no matter what you decide.”
As I listened to his heart beat against my cheek, I was more confused than ever.
10
Noah
Marcus Bontrager shifted on his feet uneasily as Father and I watched him. When he wouldn’t meet my gaze, instead looking down at the ground in front of the Yoders’ barn where the church service had just been held, I knew that I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“I’m really sorry, Amos, but Elijah already put money down on the land. It’s sold.”
Father’s face turned red, and he tugged his beard before saying, “Its Sunday, Marcus, and I frown upon talking business, but you assured me weeks ago that Noah had the option on the acres. What changed, my friend?”
Marcus glanced up at Father and me for an instant. His voice lowered, and he said, “When it was announced last week that the wedding plans had fallen through, I reckoned you Millers wouldn’t be interested in the property. Elijah visited me some nights ago and made me a good offer.”
“Since your land joins mine, we won’t be able to find such an arrangement elsewhere.” Father paused and leaned in, placing his hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “Please, reconsider.”
Marcus shook his head, saying, “It was never my intention to breach our trust, but a man must look after his own interest. The amount Elijah offered couldn’t be ignored.” He turned to me and added, “I wish you the best of luck, Noah. It’s not personal.”
