the politics and learn to wait patiently for the right time to move. There are better times to ask people to help you in your goals. Lose patience and you could move too quickly. Worse still, your miscalculation could end that person’s good will for ever.
Finally, you must retain perspective. When it comes to standing your ground for things you really believe in, you want to be sure it’s for the right things. Impatient people do not choose their conflicts wisely and suffer as a result. Perspective is also about thinking twice when you’re asked to help others. If you’re a generous person then you may help. But what you could be doing is sidetracking your team’s energies into things that divert them from their goal. Patience involves assessing opportunities and seeing if that’s what they really are.
We must patiently take people with us. Take the time to understand the political environment we work in. Retain a cool perspective and make sure that short-term activities really do contribute to our long-term goals.
Impatience can often waste more time, especially having to repair the problems our impatience caused.
We sometimes describe people as ‘a really warm person’. We might also refer to someone as being ‘cold and distant’. A leader doesn’t necessarily have to be liked. But they make life so much easier for themselves when they are. The ability to show genuine personal warmth towards employees can be a real advantage.
Showing personal warmth to people must be genuine. Haven’t you noticed that those who only pretend to be personally warm often come across as patronizing and insincere? Insincerity in a leader is usually disastrous. Better to be a cold – but honest – leader than a false, insincere one.
So let’s look at those characteristics warm people might possess.
They like people. They know that everyone has their faults (including themselves!) but they accept people for who they are.
They make the person they’re dealing with the centre of attention. They show strong eye contact and listen carefully to what the other person is saying.
“One kind word can warm three winter months”
Japanese proverb
They take a genuine interest in the lives of others. They know many people take great pleasure talking about their lives and their families.
They smile and look pleased to see people. They greet people and show that they are genuinely pleased to see them.
They have open body language. They appear relaxed and at ease when chatting. They stand in a way that the other person finds comfortable. For example, not standing full on to a shy person.
Their voice has a wide pitch range. Cold people have a very limited range when speaking. A warm person’s wide pitch range conveys real enthusiasm.
They’re careful not to dominate the other person. They make sure that the other person has an equal input to a conversation.
They avoid aggressive behaviour. Unfortunately, some people start by showing personal warmth but let it turn into the heat of anger!
They care about people. When someone is upset they quickly look to help. They show empathy with someone who is having a difficult time and listen patiently.
A leader has to be persuasive. And one of the qualities that can aid their ability to persuade is the degree to which they can build and maintain the necessary personal warmth with their team.
People who fake personal warmth can appear insincere and patronizing.
1.9 Develop yourself or get left behind
Early on in my career I remember a saying on the office wall, “When you stop learning, you start dying.” Years later I discovered it was by Einstein. A man whose life was a perfect example of continuous self-development. So what is self-development and what can we do to make sure we don’t “start dying”?
Self-development is about taking responsibility for our learning. The real benefit is that it keeps our skills relevant – especially in this constantly changing world. It’s an appetite that devours new thinking. And if we demonstrate this appetite, our team will also want to eat from that same table.
case study A director I used to work for would often ask me, “Michael, what have you learned lately?” At first I’d be confused. I must have learned something! I’d think back and mumble a few words about a book I’d read or something I’d been told. In time, I got clever and, when I did learn something, would make a mental note to use it when I next saw my director. After a while I was amazed at how many examples I was storing up! I wasn’t ‘the brightest bulb on the tree’, but I was learning so much. What my director had done was raise my awareness of how much learning I was exposed to every hour of my day.
So how do we develop ourselves? Try these tips.
Take personal responsibility for your own growth. It’s not the training team or HR’s responsibility. It’s yours.
Develop a plan that identifies key areas you want to know more about. Keep a learning log where you make notes of important lessons from any book, CD, programme or conversation.
Get yourself a mentor. Someone who can facilitate your learning.
Broaden your reading. Don’t just read the same publications. Go for something that’s different. Shake up your thinking.
Regularly ask yourself, “What have I learned today?” Don’t settle for the obvious. Think about issues in a deeper way.
Really listen to someone with whom you’re having a disagreement. Ask questions about their point of view. Don’t just turn off! You may emerge with a real insight.
Tap into other people’s experiences. How have they done things? Be a sponge and absorb all of that free education.
Self-development keeps our skills relevant in a constantly evolving workplace.
1.10 Work to live – live to work
Work-life balance has always been a big issue. Go back in history and you find that many people worked long and punishing hours. Look around the world and you’ll see the same lack of balance in many people’s lives. So what balance should we have?
If you have a problem getting the balance right, then I would point you to the website www.worklifebalance.com. They have three simple statements about this subject:
Work-life balance does not mean an equal balance. Scheduling an equal number of hours for each of your various work and personal activities
