could see the thoughts running through dads head like hed got a display screen on his brow. Being the most litigious man in the county – in Parkers place hed have been thinking compensation soon as his car hit the tank trap. Locally his views on daft buggers are well known – & he even boasts about his various stratagems for discouraging them. But these days – with tourism rated higher than farming in the rural economy – not everyone approves of him – & the enthusiastic gossips of the Nags Head bar would leave the Parkers in no doubt who to blame for their ‘accident’!
So I wasnt too surprised when I heard him say – Nags Head? – aye – its well enough. But the floors are uneven – stairs narrow – not at all what a man in your state needs. No – youd best stay here. Ill get George to bring your bags up from the car –
The Parkers were overcome by dads generosity. So was mum – with amazement! – but she quickly recovered – & I gave dad a big wink – & got one back!
So there you are. We have house-guests – & its time to go down & have supper with them. Ill keep you posted on how the HB bears up under the strain.
Take care – dont catch anything I wouldnt catch – & if you fall in love with a big handsome black man – e me a pic of you & him – & Ill stick it in dads prayer book so hell see it for the first time at church on Sunday morning!
Lots & lots of love
Charley X
| FROM: | [email protected] |
| TO: | [email protected] |
| SUBJECT: | sex – Sandytown – & psychology |
Omigod Cass! I must be psychic! OK – you say hes not black – but teaky bronze. Same difference – & is that all over? I mean all all over? & hes a doc too – just like in mums Mills & Boon stories! Means youll probably have trouble with some slinkily gorgeous lady medic – wholl manage to get you blamed when she accidentally offs a patient – but dont worry – itll all come right in the end!
I definitely want a pic. Cross my heart I wont stick it in dads prayer book – not till you give the word! But can I tell mum? Shes desperate for grand-kids. Adam & Kylie show no sign of producing – even if they did Oz is a hell of long way off – can you imagine getting the HB on a plane to fly twelve thousand miles? Rod spends most of his time at sea – & we know what sailors are! She was desolate when I got back early from my camping trip with Liam & Sam & Dot – & told her it was all off – irreconcilable differences – which is what us psychs say to our mums when we catch ex-partner Liam banging ex-best-mate Dot up against a pine tree. So – unless you settle down & start calving – I think she may strap me to my bed – & get to work with an AI straw!
Your news makes my stuff about the Parkers seem v dull – but you say youre interested so here goes with the next instalment.
As house-guests go – they havent! Winstons – as forecast – got let down by their suppliers – again! So 1 nights turned into 3. But its been OK. I like Mary Parker a lot. Doesnt say much around her husband – except in agreement with him – or defence of him! But – get her to herself & shes great.
Tom Parkers v different – thinks silence is for the grave & the living have a duty to resist!
His favourite topic – unless checked his only topic – is Sandytown – as advertised on the side of his car!
Remember Sandytown? I think that was the last Heywood family outing. Me 9 or 10 – you 13 – sea cold & grey – sand gritty – wind so strong it blew our windbreaks away – & Sandytown itself seemed to be shut! To cap it all – on the way back – George was sick – & that set me off – & soon we were all at it! Dad sang all the way home! After 3 years doing psychology I reckon I know why. He clearly saw the whole trip as a successful experiment in aversion therapy!
So when Tom Parker started rattling on about Sandytown at supper that first night – I didnt dare catch Georges eye.
Ill give it you verbatim again – really – this is how he talks!
– Sandytown! – he said – Beautiful Sandytown – the most lustrous pearl in the long necklace of the Yorkshire coast! You see Charlotte – (fixing his eye on me – I think hes decided Im the intellectual epicentre of the Heywood family – or maybe he just likes my boobs!) – a new age of the English holiday is dawning. Compared with it – the old age – which died with the onset of cheap Mediterranean packages – will seem but a trial run. Two practical reasons for the change – global warming & global terrorism! We travel in fear & we travel in discomfort. We have our personal belongings – & indeed our persons – searched by hard-faced – & hard-fingered – strangers. We are prodded into line by armed police. We are forced to eat with implements which – lacking the rigidity necessary to be a threat to soft human flesh – cannot begin to cope with airline food. Nor can we feel safe on arrival. Tourists are everywhere regarded as a soft terrorist target – while global warming – exacerbated by the soaring emission levels of flight – has led to a dramatic increase in the incidence of natural disasters – floods – drought – hurricanes – earthquakes – tsunamis – etc –
By now dad was regarding him with gobsmacked amazement – mum with polite interest – his wife with fond admiration – & the twins were choking back their giggles.
To me it was clear that Parker was reciting some kind of sales pitch – one made so often the record would run to its end unless interrupted.
So when he paused for breath I got in quick with – Why were you looking for a healer Tom? –
– a very perceptive question Charlotte – he replied smiling at me – to which my answer is – health! Let me explain. We live in a sick world – a world suffering from some deep-rooted wasting disease – of which terrorism & warming are but symptoms. To cure the whole we must start with the smallest part – the individual! The English seaside holiday originated in a search for recreation in the strictest sense. Pure ozone-enriched air to cleanse the lungs – surging salty water to refresh the skin & stimulate the circulation – peace & quiet to restore the troubled spirit –
Seeing he was getting back into his groove – I cut in again – Sounds to me like a healers the last thing you need! –
– A good point! – he cried with delight. (Its a great technique this – being delighted with everything anyone says!) – To understand the healer it is of course necessary to understand the history. Some 2 years ago – when Mid-Yorkshire Council began discussion of their Eastern Region Development Plan – naturally Lady Denham & myself took a keen interest in their proposals for the Sandytown area …
– whos Lady Denham? – I asked – reducing him to amazed silence – & dad – always glad to know something I dont – chipped in – This the Denhams of Denham Park?
– you know the family? – said Tom – delighted.
– know of them – grunted dad – & little good – bad landowners – worse landlords – thought theyd gone to the wall long since –
–
