any point. Asking more questions, or complaining about the decision, wouldn’t change her mind.
‘How many others have lost a day?’
‘Around twenty.’
That made me feel better. Misery did love a bit of company.
‘Is Ellie one of them?’
‘I can’t discuss other employees with you. But no, she’s not.’
I nodded, happy for her at least.
‘I’ve no more questions.’
‘All right then, let’s continue,’ she said, clearly relieved to be back on solid ground. ‘How do you feel you’ve done these past six months?
In the few moments before I answered I tried to calm my racing thoughts. In the lead was My Mortgage Payment, who always ran well in difficult conditions. Following closely behind came Why Me?, looking like a strong contender for the prize. But then on the inside rail, Day Off was making up ground, and Could Be Worse began passing the field on the outside. It was going to be a tight race.
All right, Katie, old girl, enough daydreaming (nightmaring), concentrate on the question. Now’s your chance. Ignore the fact that you’ve just lost a day. You can do this; remember you’ve got the meatballs. Mmm, meatballs. My tummy rumbled.
‘I’ve done well.’
Cressida’s face remained impassive.
‘I think I have. I mean, I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to.’
‘You have.’ She nodded, speaking slowly. ‘Your performance is as good as it was last time round.’
‘No!’
She jumped in her chair.
‘I mean, it’s better than last time. Look.’ I pointed to my last appraisal. ‘See here? My goal was to renew five client contracts. I renewed six. And here, I signed up two new accounts.’
‘How’s Jenny?’ she asked.
I cringed at the thought of my nemesis. ‘No change,’ I admitted.
Most people just put the phone down on me when they didn’t want to listen to my spiel. And they didn’t take my calls when I tried again. Not Jenny. She always took my call. They usually went something like this:
Her (in her nasally Australian accent): Go ahead, I’ve got five minutes. What are you going to tell me that I haven’t heard before?
Invariably I rose to the bait, launching into the features and claims about our newest products. I always listened to our weekly product briefings with Jenny in mind, optimistic that one day I’d win her over.
Her, after listening in silence: And you claim this works? It sounds like another one of your gimmicks.
I’d explain that they weren’t my gimmicks, that we had an entire team of scientists who developed the products. Then I’d point to all the studies that proved their efficacy. Our company armed us well like that.
Her: You fund those studies. Of course they’re going to give you the results you want.
We didn’t fund the studies, I’d explain (every time). They were independent studies.
Her, changing tack: People today are just lazy. They’re happy to stuff pills down their gob instead of addressing the underlying issues.
Me, breathing deeply through my gob: Our products are for people who need some help staying healthy.
Her: Lazy people. Would you use this product?
Me: Yes.
Her: Then you’re one of the ones I’m talking about. Why would I buy from you? Clearly your company is only interested in shortcuts. Maintaining health is a lifelong process, not a quick fix.
At which point the conversation would veer off into a philosophical debate about the psychology of our culture today. That’s the part I rather enjoyed, and the reason I wouldn’t give her up when Cressida asked if I wanted to take her off my list.
‘Jenny aside,’ Cressida said. ‘You’ve done very well with your prospects, though you haven’t quite met your client meeting target, have you?’
‘But I’m never allowed out to see clients. Clive doesn’t give me the new clients and you never approve travel expenses.’
‘It’s tough right now. Finance checks every expense.’ She looked sad to have to tell me this. ‘You know we have to look at each request based on the cost-benefit of the meeting. If one salesperson can see several clients in the same area, we have to do that. It’s a cost-efficiency decision.’
It wasn’t, but I needed to stay on-point. ‘Then why am I being penalised for not meeting that target?’
‘You’re not penalised. Not at all. I’ve still given you Adequate on your client meetings, even though you haven’t hit the target.’
‘But it counts as a negative when I point out where I’ve exceeded the target.’
Cressida sighed. ‘Katie. Your overall grade is based on your aggregate performance.’ She spoke as if to a dim-witted child. ‘In order to exceed expectations you mustn’t be behind in any of your goals. I’ve really given you a very good review, considering …’ She shifted in her chair. The mood changed suddenly. ‘There is just one thing we need to discuss.’
I got the feeling I was about to find out why I’d been the lucky winner of another day off.
‘Our records show that you’ve been using company resources for your own personal use.’
I racked my brains for something to say. ‘I, I might have taken a pen home, accidentally.’
‘I’m not talking about pens.’ She fished in her folder. ‘Your telephone records show a lot of personal calls.’ Dozens of phone numbers were circled in purple pen. They never used red pen these days, since the consultants came in last year and declared it to be a shouty colour. ‘These aren’t clients, and they’re not on the cold-call lists. Are you making personal calls from work? I don’t mean the odd call home to check your messages. This looks like much more. ’
It was a rhetorical question. The evidence sat on the table between us. Is ignorance a valid self-defence? Your honour, it never occurred to me that these were crimes. Everyone made personal calls on company time. Like everyone took pens home (I had a stationery cupboard in my handbag).
‘I’m really sorry, Cressida, and I’m very embarrassed about this. I didn’t think it was a problem. And I didn’t realise I’d made quite so many calls. Of course I won’t do it again.’ Though I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep that promise. I’d have to find someone else to make the club calls on the days I worked. Maybe Pixie could do it. She was at home, though with her children and husband there, it wasn’t a very conducive work environment. Maybe Rob.
Cressida smiled. ‘It’s fine. I just had to
