Chapter Nineteen
Kansas
1889
To Do:
Get married
Meet my new children
Figure out how to run a ranch
Find a way to make money on the side
Find a safe place to hide money
Start saving an emergency fund without drawing attention
Find the ranch financial books and look at them
Marrison, Kansas, didn’t have a hotel. Just the boardinghouse she’d checked into the day before. Her room had a bed with a clean, worn quilt. A simple chest of drawers. A rocking chair.
But, no mirror.
That was okay. Millie Steele wasn’t sure she could go through with this if she had to look at herself in a mirror. This way was better.
She smoothed her hand over her long brown hair and the front of her dress for the tenth time. Maybe eleventh. When would Mrs. Sinclair knock on the door and say it was time? Had the woman forgotten about her? Could you forget about the bride?
Hysteria rose in Millie’s throat as she actually contemplated that question. She and Mr. Beale had exchanged exactly one letter. One. They had seen each other for the first and only time yesterday, for all of ten minutes. Just long enough to confirm the time he would come to marry her today.
Maybe he’d changed his mind. She was past the period when her short thin frame could hide the baby. Pastor Thompson said Mr. Beale knew, but maybe seeing the truth of it yesterday had been too much.
What was she going to do if he changed his mind?
A quick knock, and the door to the room opened. Mrs. Sinclair strode inside. “We’re all ready, dear.”
Millie sucked in a breath, ignoring the stars that had appeared in her vision. She licked her lips and nodded.
Mrs. Sinclair’s eyes were gentle as she surveyed Millie from head to toe. “You look lovely. Absolutely—”
Millie looked at her hand. It was shaking, but that wasn’t what had caught Mrs. Sinclair’s attention. No. It was the slim circle of gold on the ring finger of her left hand. She flushed at the sight of it. She couldn’t very well get married today while wearing another man’s ring.
Millie quickly yanked off the ring, ignoring the burn of metal scraping over her knuckle. It was the first time she had taken it off since Marcus had placed it there two years ago. How different that day had been compared to today. Millie had been certain that her future would be secure. Safe. Orderly.
What a fool she had been.
Mrs. Sinclair cleared her throat, and Millie realized she had been staring at the thin band. Millie couldn’t look at the kind woman as she walked over to her suitcase and placed the ring inside.
There. It was done. Looking at the past never got a person anywhere. The way forward was to actually move forward.
She had made her plans. It was time to see them through.
Millie cleared her throat. She forced her spine as straight as possible and took in a deep breath. Then she turned and looked at Mrs. Sinclair. “Okay. I’m ready.” She was an adult. She was in charge of her life. She had considered all the options and chosen this path. This was her choice.
Mrs. Sinclair still looked uncomfortable. And nervous. The entire town would probably be talking about Adam Beale’s crazy new bride for weeks. Once again, Millie would be the outsider who didn’t belong.
Mrs. Sinclair walked up and hugged Millie. She just reached out and pulled Millie into her body. Warm, soft arms wrapped around Millie, who could smell bread on the woman’s clothes. It was impossible to stay stiff and remote in such an embrace. Millie couldn’t remember her mother ever hugging her, but surely this was what it had felt like. Only a mother’s hug could be this comforting.
“It’s going to be okay, dear. Adam Beale is a good man. You’re going to be okay.”
The tears sprang up and welled in Millie’s eyes. They obeyed her rule against crying and did not fall down her cheeks, but they were there. Hot and stinging. She knew she wouldn’t be able to speak without them spilling over. All she could do was nod.
She hoped Mrs. Sinclair understood.
The older woman let go, and Millie pushed down the yearning for the hug to continue. No more stalling. Time to get on with her new life.
Millie followed Mrs. Sinclair down the hallway of the boardinghouse to the top of the stairs. She looked down and saw Mr. Beale there waiting.
Adam.
Her new husband’s name was Adam.
Embarrassed at keeping him waiting, Millie hurried down the stairs. “I’m sorry. I know I’m late. It’s not a habit, I promise.”
Millie despised the desperation she heard in her voice. She needed this man. She needed a husband and a home and safe place to have this baby. Need. But, she still hated feeling so dependent on anyone. I don’t understand this world, God. I don’t understand why things are this way.
Mr. Beale—Adam—didn’t look angry. But, they were in public. He wouldn’t be the first man to put on a kind facade outside of his house.
“It’s okay, Millie. We’re not late at all.”
He’d called her by her given name yesterday, too. It shouldn’t have surprised her. They were, after all, about to get married.
“Thank you, Mr. Beale. I’m ready now.”
“Adam, Millie. Call me Adam.”
Millie just nodded.
The church was close to the boardinghouse. Actually, from what Millie could see, everything in town was close to the boardinghouse. She certainly wasn’t in Saint Louis anymore.
Being small and simple did not inhibit the atmosphere inside the church. Millie looked at the worn wooden pews and the gleaming cross hanging on the wall behind the lectern. There was something indescribable here. Millie breathed in slow and deep, trying
