Again, Adam touched her arm. Again, it struck her as shockingly gentle and overly familiar. Again, Millie found that she really liked it. A lot. That touch was dangerously appealing, making her head spin when she needed to be calm and rational.
“It looks nice. Really nice.”
“It’s bigger than it looks.”
Did he think she found his home to be too small?
“It looks like the perfect size. I don’t know what some of those buildings are.” Millie hated her ignorance. It seemed she had spent the entirety of her life in situations where she did not know what she needed to know. What she should have been taught as a child.
“That’s okay. I know it’s a change from the city.” Adam did not sound concerned that he had married a woman unfit to survive out here.
“I mean, I recognize the house. And the barn. But what are the others?”
“The long one behind the barn is the bunkhouse. It’s where the hired hands live. I only have a couple right now, but I built it big enough to house ten or so. I’ll need them someday.”
He sounded so confident. It soothed the edge of the fear Millie had been shoving down into her belly for the past few months. If he planned on hiring several hands, then he planned on paying them. And, if he planned on paying them, that meant he had money. And if he had money, then he had security.
“What about the others? The smaller ones?”
“One is a root cellar, for storing food. The other is a meat house.”
“I do know what those are, so don’t be too scared. I’ve been told I’m an excellent cook.” She had tried to play up her assets in her letter to him, but it never hurt to reiterate them. Besides, that part was the absolute truth.
“I’ll give you a tour once we say hello to the children.”
“Where are they?”
“Probably inside. Napping I’d guess, based on the time. Edith, a neighbor, is watching them for me. You’ll be a bit of a change, so we wanted to leave everything else as familiar as possible.”
“Are they going to be upset?” Millie had not really worried too much about that. They were so young, and she had every intention of being a good change. Millie might not know about men like Adam Beale, but she knew about children. She had never met a child that she couldn’t eventually win over. In fact, more than one matron in The Home had put her in charge of the younger kids because of her way with them.
“I told them where I was going, so they know that I am getting married and bringing home a wife. A mother.”
“A mother.” Millie’s voice was soft as reverence washed across her heart. She knew she would be a mother, but it had always felt like some future event. Even with the life growing in her womb, the reality of actually being a mother had always been in the category of someday.
Someday had come. She was a mother now. Right now.
Help me, Lord. Help.
She still felt silly talking in her head to God, but it was becoming increasingly instinctual. Millie’s faith was getting stronger every single day, no matter how much she tried to reason herself out of it. It had already saved her. Literally.
Millie had walked into a church a year ago out of some kind of curiosity she couldn’t contain. After making her list and determining it couldn’t do any harm to just see what the church looked like on the inside, she’d forced her legs to go up those steps and walk through the doorway. Mrs. Thompson had been inside. That action had put into motion a chain of events that had led to Millie being in Kansas about to face her new children for the first time. The Lord sure had a way of doing things.
“This is still what you want, isn’t it? It will be much harder to change your mind once you meet the children. I—”
“No, Adam. Don’t.” It was hard to speak past the panic that put spots in her vision. He thought she had changed her mind? He was going to take her back. But, back to what? She was so close to having a steady, stable home, and now it was all going to disappear. Like the mirages she had read about.
This time it was Millie who reached out and initiated touch. “I’m sorry, Adam. I don’t know what I said wrong, but I haven’t changed my mind. Please, don’t make me go back. Please.”
She was begging. Millie had gone from awe at the thought of being a mother to sheer, humiliating desperation in the span of a heartbeat. She had to fix this.
Adam immediately pulled on the reins and stopped the wagon. Was he getting ready to turn around and take her back?
* * *
How had this gone wrong so fast? He had been enjoying the day, enjoying watching Millie take in her new home. Then, he opened his mouth and ruined it all. Like always. Apparently, he hadn’t learned a single thing from his first wife leaving him.
Adam dropped the reins and turned to Millie. What would he have done with Sarah? He would have tried to hold her. Comfort her. Yeah. He needed to do the opposite of that. His instincts had proven to be disastrously wrong. He needed to change his course or he’d end up in the same place.
“Millie. Calm down.” Adam infused his voice with as much authority as he could manage. It seemed to work, because she stopped begging him to let her stay. She seemed to stop everything. The new Mrs. Beale seemed to have frozen. Her eyes were still wide with panic, but she was no longer gasping for breath. Instead, her breathing had become too shallow. Too still.
“Millie, breathe. Please. Just calm down. I have not changed my mind at all. Not even a little bit. I did not marry you on some whim. I knew what I was doing, and I’m standing by that decision.”
Statue Millie did not so much as blink. His instincts were wrong and apparently the opposite of his instincts were not much better. Maybe Adam was never meant to be in a successful relationship with a woman. Lots of men went through life single. It seemed as though Adam should have taken that path.
But, he hadn’t. And he had two incredible children as a result. Children he needed to provide for. Meant to be a family man or not, Adam had a family. He had a responsibility to those children to give them a real home—including a loving mother. And he would. If he could just figure out how.
“I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re sure. I know you’re sure. If I thought you might change your mind, I never would have married you. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”
She started breathing again. Finally. Finally, finally.
“Please. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m okay.” She didn’t sound okay, but she was moving and talking and that was more than statue Millie had been doing.
“It’s my fault, too. I overreacted. It was just a misunderstanding.”
Adam ran a hand down his face, feeling his body tremble slightly. This had spun out of control so fast. Too fast. Adam hated this feeling. He just wanted to move on.
“It
