pool, do a bit of work and then try and swim off the dinner I ate out of manners last night. I hadn’t bargained on babysitting two young boys but they’re good kids, I’m sure keeping an eye on them won’t affect my plans.
Finally connected to the beach house wi-fi, my phone springs back to life. After a day of peace and quiet from my best friend (who is also my calendar, camera, alarm clock, emailing device, web browser… oh, and it can make calls too) normal service has been resumed. There are several emails from my assistant, Dalia, filling me in on every little thing that has happened in the office as well as a few from Savannah and Molly who are already seeming pretty stressed out trying to get on with our latest project without me. Molly hinted that my boss was unhappy with me taking vacation days (that I was owed, might I add) while we’re in the middle of a new movie. If only they knew what a rubbish time I was having, I’d much rather be at work.
I have only just made myself comfortable next to the pool, but I know that I’ll get my work done a lot easier if I type on my iPad instead of my phone. I drag myself to my feet and begin (what feels like) the long journey up to my room – then again, running up two flights of stairs will do me good, I can practically feel the bolognese making itself at home on my hips.
When I finally reach my room I am a little taken aback to see my uncle already in there.
‘Can I help you?’ I ask bluntly.
‘I was just…’ My uncle’s voice quickly changes from a hushed tone to an awkwardly loud one. ‘…making sure that spider hadn’t come back.’
‘What?’ I ask, but as I notice him looking over my shoulder I turn around and see my Auntie June standing behind me.
‘You’re with Mia,’ my auntie says, like I’m not even there. ‘Again.’
‘Spiders,’ my uncle laughs with a shrug of his shoulders.
‘You’re that scared of spiders?’ my auntie asks me in disbelief.
‘Oh, if there’s a creepy crawly around I feel like I can’t rest until I know someone has squashed it,’ I reply, making my uncle look even more uneasy.
‘Anyway, we’re heading out now. You will take proper care of the children, won’t you?’ my auntie asks again.
‘Yes, yes,’ I reply. ‘I thought I’d take a nap while they play in the sea. Sound good?’
My uncle laughs at my blatant attempt at humour but my auntie looks disturbed.
‘Mia, you don’t take your eyes off them,’ she says sternly.
‘I won’t,’ I reply sincerely.
‘Come on, Steve,’ my auntie instructs her husband before they leave my room together.
‘Unbelievable,’ I say to myself before grabbing my iPad and heading back downstairs.
I am only back in my seat by the pool for a few minutes before my sister wanders in with Josh and Max.
‘Now, be good for Mia,’ my sister instructs the children. ‘And you be good for the kids,’ she warns me.
I find it funny that no one trusts me with these children, and yet they will leave them with me anyway because it suits them.
‘Right, who fancies a cigarette?’ I ask Josh and Max the second my sister has closed the door behind her. The boys laugh, which says it all about my sense of humour. ‘But seriously, are you guys OK to amuse yourselves while I do some work?’
‘Can we go in the pool?’ Josh asks.
‘Can you both swim?’
The boys nod.
‘Are you sure?’ I ask. ‘Because your mum will like me even less if you die.’
Both Josh and Max simultaneously talk me through their swimming achievements to date.
‘OK then, but only if you stay in the shallow end. I’ll be sat right here so I’ll notice if you wander into the deep end,’ I warn them.
‘Can you get us our swimming trunks?’ Josh asks.
Not only do I not fancy rooting through other people’s things to find swimwear for the boys, but that sounds like it will take a long time and I’m worried today will be my last chance to get some proper work done.
‘You wear underwear, right?’
Josh and Max nod.
‘Well, you’re sorted. Go, have fun.’
The boys look at each other for a moment, unsure of whether or not I have the authority to let them go swimming in their underpants. They don’t think it over for too long before running towards the pool, screaming with delight before dive bombing into the beautiful blue water.
I only get to feel like the world’s coolest babysitter for a moment before I realise that it is proving almost impossible to concentrate on my work with Josh and Max screaming and splashing each other. I can’t exactly go and work in another room, not after the jokes I made about drowning them in the sea. Whether it’s the sea or a swimming pool, if I kill these kids my sister will almost certainly have another reason to blame me for ruining her wedding – and I can’t have that.
‘Hey guys, do you want to watch a movie?’ I ask.
‘We’ve seen all the kids’ movies they have here,’ Max calls back.
‘What about if I let you watch a grown-up movie?’
The boys both cheer with excitement as they climb out of the pool.
‘Come on, this way.’ I toss them each a towel and head for the play room.
‘Right, let’s see,’ I say to myself as I examine the top shelf of the cupboard where the DVDs are kept. They actually have quite a good selection – I’m a total film buff and even I’m impressed. I quickly run my finger past any movie that I was involved in writing or any others of a similar genre, I don’t want to fill their young, impressionable minds with any romantic junk. ‘Pulp Fiction,’ I squeak with delight. ‘Have you seen it?’
The boys shake their heads, it’s like they haven’t even heard of it.
‘What? You haven’t seen Pulp Fiction?’ I ask in disbelief, putting to the back of my mind the fact that the boys are ten years old. ‘It’s a masterpiece.’
Maybe it’s because I take my love of movies very seriously, maybe it’s because I’m a devout Quentin Tarantino fan or maybe it’s because I just want to go against my auntie’s wishes, but I decide that this is the movie the boys should watch.
‘Just don’t tell your parents, OK?’
They nod eagerly.
I pop the DVD in the machine and sit myself down on the sofa with Josh and Max. I’ll stick around for a few minutes, just to make
