eyes are glued to the big screen. Ah, that look of wonder, that mesmerised stare – I remember when I watched my first Tarantino movie, they’re going to love it.
“I love you, Pumpkin.”
“I love you, Honey Bunny.”
‘Well, I’m going to leave you guys to enjoy this,’ I say as I head for the door, but it falls on deaf ears.
I grab a couple of beanbags, one to hold the door to the games room open and one to do the same with the door to the pool, that way I’ll be able to hear them if they need me. As I put the second beanbag in place, I overhear the line: “Any of you fucking pricks move and I’ll execute every one of you motherfuckers! Got that?” For a moment it occurs to me that maybe this isn’t the best film to put on for a couple of kids whose parents have sheltered them from bad language and inappropriate behaviour their entire lives, but that’s exactly the reason they should see it. This movie is a work of art, everyone needs to see it… although probably not when they’re ten years old. Well, Josh and Max are clearly enjoying it and that leaves me to get on with some work. What’s the worst that can happen?
***
Perhaps it has something to do with the water – the way it reflects on the walls and the gentle sounds it makes as it laps against the sides of the pool when there aren’t any noisy children splashing around in it – or the fact that jetlag is still screwing with me a little, but it wasn’t long after I sat back down by the pool when I fell asleep. So much for getting some work done before the adults get back… oh my God, the kids!
I jump up from my seat and dash into the games room, only to find Josh and Max exactly as I left them, their eyes still glued to the screen as Samuel L. Jackson finishes delivering that epic speech from the final scene of the movie.
“And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”
The boys, who are not even aware I have re-entered the room, both blink at the screen, their facial expressions giving nothing away. I wonder if they have even spoken to one another during the film.
‘So, what do you think?’ I ask them as the credits roll.
‘That was so cool,’ Josh enthuses.
‘I didn’t want it to end,’ Max adds.
‘Well, there’s plenty more where that came from,’ I tell them, proud to have introduced them to a cinematic genius. ‘Just don’t tell your parents.’
‘When can we watch another?’ Josh asks excitedly. ‘Do you think you can make everyone go out again tomorrow? What are we watching next?’
‘Hold your horses,’ I chuckle. ‘I’ll do my best.’
Right on cue I hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I quickly remove Pulp Fiction from the DVD player and put it back on the shelf, just as Auntie June walks in.
‘Did everyone behave?’ she asks, not wasting a second on pleasantries.
‘Of course,’ I reply. ‘They’re little angels.’
‘I was talking to them,’ my auntie informs me.
I roll my eyes at my auntie as Tarantino’s two newest fans nod their heads.
I grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge and take a swig, safe in the knowledge I have passed myself off as a capable babysitter.
‘Wait a second,’ my auntie starts, puzzled. ‘Why are you two in your underpants?’
Caught off guard, I spray the big gulp of water I had taken out of my mouth. I cough and splutter for a moment (much to the amusement of Josh and Max) before trying to explain.
‘It’s not what it looks like,’ I start, but my auntie cuts me off.
‘What does it look like?’
I hesitate for a moment.
‘I don’t know, but the boys wanted to swim and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me going in your room to find shorts.’
My auntie looks at the boys for confirmation and they dutifully nod. I think my auntie is picking up on the fact that we are all behaving very shiftily, but that’s only because I let the boys watch a movie with an ‘eighteen’ rating, not because I held an impromptu orgy and decided my ten-year-old cousin and his mate could attend if they adhered to the dress code.
Auntie June sniffs her son suspiciously.
‘You two, go and shower,’ she instructs them, having obviously smelt the unmistakable whiff of chlorine on their skin, even though they’re dry because they’ve been watching the movie for the past few hours.
‘You’re welcome,’ I say victoriously. I may not have wanted to babysit today but I successfully kept the boys alive – something no one thought for a second that I could do, and yet they still left them with me. Never underestimate the lure of chips.
My auntie follows the boys back upstairs, eyeballing me cautiously as she leaves the room.
I don’t waste my time wondering why June hates me these days, she just does and I’m weirdly OK with it. You would think I’d be distraught by the fact that pretty much every member of my family doesn’t really like me but I’m OK with that too. I have a few theories going, most of which involve me being born to a sexy celebrity couple and ending up getting swapped in the hospital, but I made peace with them emotionally exiling me a long time ago.
I suppose I should go and do some work. As I head back to my poolside workstation I glance over the DVDs again, making a mental note that the boys should watch Reservoir Dogs next – as part of their film education, it’s called Media Studies, I promise.
Despite promising to keep working while I’m away, I didn’t get very much done today. I tried, but I was only on a roll for about ten minutes before Belle called me for dinner, and all group activities are not optional – unless they need a babysitter.
‘Bangers and mash,’ my sister informs me cheerily as I enter the dining room. I knew I was going to have trouble keeping up my diet while I was here but this is ridiculous. Still, my sister will take it personally if I don’t participate so I suppose I’ll eat the vegetables and push the rest around my plate to create the illusion that I am eating it.
‘Yummy,’ I reply enthusiastically – as you know, when it comes to sausage I am an expert at faking it.
Soon enough everyone is seated at the two tables, the grown-ups on the main table and everyone under sixteen at the kids’ table next to us. Even though not everyone is staying at the beach house, we seem to be spending a lot of time together and eating all our meals together – thanks to Bridezilla’s ridiculously strict scheduling.
This evening I am sitting between my grandma and a hard face… my Auntie June. I was expecting to be in a horrible position, with shit being flung at me from both sides, but they’re not giving me a hard time at all tonight. My gran has always had moments of indifference towards me, but my auntie is usually unrelenting. Not tonight though.
‘I
