“Not talking about her isn’t going to make your grief any easier,” he said softly.
She shrugged. “You’re right. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to think about this rationally, but tonight...I can’t.”
“Why?”
She turned to give him one of her you’re-an-idiot-glares. “Seriously?”
“I don’t want to sit in silence for the next few hours. I keep thinking about John and Patti and how the last time I saw them both...”
“Me, too,” Jessi said. “I can’t stop. I remember how you and I were fighting, and Patti asked me to try to get along.”
She stopped talking and turned away again to wipe a tear from her eye.
“John said the same thing to me. He even went so far as to mention that you weren’t too bad,” Allan said.
She shook her head. “I liked him. He was good for Patti and he loved her, you know?”
“He certainly seemed to.” John had spent a lot of time talking about Patti, and Allan believed his friend loved her. But Allan had never experienced any emotions like that so it was a little hard to believe love existed.
“Seemed to? Don’t you believe he loved her?” Jessi asked.
“I think he thought he did. But I’m not sure that love is real. I think it’s something we all come up with to assure ourselves we’re not alone.”
She turned in her seat and arched both eyebrows as she leaned forward. “Even you can’t be that cynical.”
He shrugged. He didn’t get the love thing between a man and a woman. He’d seen people do a lot of things out of “love” and not one of them had been altruistic or all that great. And his own experiences with the emotion had been haphazard at best.
Especially since he’d become a very wealthy man. Women seemed to fall for him instantly, and as Jessi would be the first to point out, he wasn’t that charming. It made it very hard for him to trust them. But to be honest he’d always had trust issues. How could you believe in love when so many people did things for love that weren’t all that nice?
“But you’re always dating,” she said. “Why do that if you don’t believe in love and finding the one to spend the rest of your life with?”
“Sex,” he said bluntly.
“How clichéd,” she replied. “And typically male.”
“Like your attitude isn’t typically female? It’s true I like women for sex. And companionship. I enjoy having them around, but love? That’s never entered into the picture,” he said.
“Maybe because you’d have to put someone else first,” she suggested.
“I’m capable of doing that,” he said, thinking of his friendship with John, but also his relationship with his cousins. He would go to them in the middle of the night if they called. Hence this cross-country red-eye to settle John’s affairs. “What about you? You don’t really strike me as a romantic.”
“I’m not,” she said. “But I do believe in love. I’ve got the heartbreak to prove that falling in love is real.”
“Who broke your heart?” he asked. It was the first time in the five years he’d known her that she’d admitted to anything this personal. And he found himself unable to look away. Unable to stop the tide of emotions running through him as he stared at her. Who had hurt her and why did it suddenly matter to him?
“Some dick,” she said.
He almost smiled because she sounded more angry than brokenhearted. “Tell me more.”
“That’s none of your business, Allan. Just trust me. If you ever let yourself be real instead of throwing around money and buying yourself trophy girlfriends, you’d find love.”
He doubted it. “You think so? Is that how it happened for you?”
“Nah, I was too young and thought lust was love,” she said. “Happy?”
“Not really,” he said. “If you haven’t experienced real love why are you so convinced it exists?”
“John and Patti. I’ve never met two people more in love. And as much as it pains me to admit it, your cousin Dec seems to be in love with my sister.”
“They are borderline cutesy with all that hand-holding and kissing.”
And just like that, she’d turned the tables and made him realize the truth of what she was saying. John was one of the few people he’d genuinely cared for, but they’d been friends for a long time, way before Allan had made his fortune and started running with the moneyed crowd. He didn’t want to admit that maybe Jessi was right, but a part of him knew she was.
Three
She’d turned away after that conversation and he’d let her. Really talking about love with Allan wasn’t something Jessi was truly interested in. The music on her iPod wasn’t loud or angry—in fact, she was listening to the boy band ’N Sync. She and Patti had listened to their music endlessly when they were teens, and now the songs brought her some comfort. However, when “Bye Bye Bye” almost made her cry, she pulled her earbuds out of her ears and turned her attention to Allan.
He was restlessly pacing the length of the cabin and talking on the phone. She thought she heard him saying something about Jack White. She currently had a lead on the famous Hollywood director-producer and was trying to book a meeting with him later this month to discuss developing some of his summer blockbusters into games. It would be a coup if she could do a deal with Jack, and it would guarantee her job at Playtone-Infinity.
Allan glanced over and caught her staring.
“I’ll have to call you back when we land.”
He disconnected the call and pocketed his iPhone.
“We’re playing for the same team now,” she said. “You don’t have to hide your business.”
“You’re on probation,” he reminded her. “I’m not sure you’ll make it past the ninety days.”
“Really? I’m pretty sure I will. Have you ever known me to fail?”
He turned the leather chair in front of her to face her, and fell down into it. “Not without a hell of a fight.”
She smiled. It almost felt like old times. They were finally finding their way back to their normal bickering, but she had the feeling they were both playing a role. Hell, she was. She was trying to be “normal” when everything inside of her was chaos.
“True dat.”
“With all that’s going on, we haven’t had a chance to talk about my offer to buy you out,” he reminded her. “I’m still willing to do that.”
“I thought we’d already taken care of
