the worst would happen to him, even though the guilt of her thoughts would later eat away at her. But the way things had ended between them, the regrets she had for what she’d said and done, the pain from his actions, had pushed her to the edge.
She stood and sipped her coffee, hand shaking ever so slightly. Luke did the same, but he didn’t look back at her. Instead he stared into the black liquid, eyes down. She hoped he couldn’t read her thoughts.
“Mommy?”
Charlie’s voice pulled her back to reality. A welcome relief to the strained feeling between her and Luke.
“Can we go outside?”
She glanced at Luke and he nodded, taking a few quick sips of his drink before standing. Charlie looked innocent, his head on a slight angle as if he wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Let’s go kick a ball or something, huh?” Luke suggested.
Ollie watched as he took Charlie’s hand. Watched as they walked from the room and out the door, father and son.
Luke was all muscle—lean and toned. A bit on the thin side, but handsome and strong nonetheless. Her body still yearned for him, and so did her heart, but things were different now. He’d broken his promise and left her, and she could never forgive him for ending things. She had to protect herself and her son.
It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in patriotism. She did. But she also believed in family. A soldier didn’t just walk out on his family, no matter what. Not like Luke had. Could she ever trust him not to leave Charlie again?
“He’s out cold.”
Luke sat back down at the table and poured himself another glass of wine. He hadn’t drunk more than the odd beer in years, but this was at least helping him deal with being back.
Ollie looked up at him, and he resisted the urge to reach out. To touch her and remember what things had once been like for them. He knew it was a lot to expect, her having him here, but it wasn’t as if they were pretending to be together again. Except maybe just a little, to keep things uncomplicated for their son.
“Why didn’t you call, Luke?”
If he could have hung his head any lower, he would have. He’d been a lousy husband and an even worse dad, and he had no excuse. But her question still made him feel like dirt. Luke took another sip of wine and stared back at her.
“We were lucky to hear from you every other month.”
He frowned. “It was hard to make contact.” He knew it sounded phony, and the truth was he should have made more of an effort, but … damn it! He knew he’d stuffed up, and it wasn’t something he’d wanted to do.
“Bull!” She stood with a thump, glaring at him as she swore. “Don’t lie to me, Luke. You had a little boy here who cried for his daddy night after night, and you couldn’t make the effort to call more? He’s had to grow up without even remembering or knowing who you were.”
Luke stayed seated. He was not going to argue with her. Not on his first night home. Not like they used to. But at one point, when he had been at his lowest, that’s what he’d wanted: for Charlie to forget him so he never knew the pain of loss.
“Keep your voice down, Ollie. You’ll wake Charlie,” he said.
“How dare you!” she growled. “I’ve kept my voice down every night, doing nothing but look after our son. He’s been my life, Luke. While you’ve been off fighting for our country, I’ve been fighting for our son. For me. For our family.” She paused and glared at him, her voice dropping an octave. “While you decided not to give a damn.”
Her eyes were full of tears. Luke looked away. He couldn’t watch her. Couldn’t bear to see the sadness, the emptiness in her eyes. Worst of all, he knew she was right.
“I know it’s been hard for you.…”
The silence that stretched between them seemed to drain the air of oxygen. But it wasn’t just his fault, was it? Ollie hadn’t exactly acted as if she’d wanted him to stay, and he’d never forgotten it.
“You have no idea how hard it’s been, Luke. Don’t even try to understand. I was here alone, with a little boy who deserved a father.” Her voice cracked. “It wasn’t that you left me, it was that you left our son.”
Luke stood and walked into the kitchen. He couldn’t hide behind the excuse of being a soldier any longer, and Ollie was right. His son didn’t deserve to grow up without a dad, and he knew firsthand why. Because it was how he’d grown up, and he’d come home to make sure history didn’t repeat itself, that his son knew him.
“Olivia, I’m sorry. I am.”
“You forget that I’ve been around army wives for the last two years.” Olivia was standing behind him in the kitchen now, her voice still laced with tears. “They had calls at least every month, once a week even, and their husbands took leave and came home, even if it was only a few days. With your rank … Oh, I don’t even know anymore, Luke. But I do know that you could have done more.”
He looked back at his wife, ashamed. Walking out had been the easy option for him when things had become difficult, and he’d taken it. When their son had refused to sleep, when his wife had never believed he would have married her unless she was pregnant, knowing that he could die on deployment and leave his boy without a dad, just as he’d experienced …
“It was too hard to talk to you, Ollie. Charlie, too. It was easier not to.” It was a struggle to push the words out, to make himself be honest with her. “You have no idea how many times I picked up a phone, how many times I wanted to talk to you and couldn’t go through with it.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you should have.”
By the time he looked back up, she was gone.
Luke dropped his head into his hands, eyes shut. Maybe if they hadn’t gotten pregnant so soon, if they hadn’t rushed into marriage, things would have been different. Maybe they never would have married at all. But all that mattered right now was making it up to his son, and proving to him that he was here for him, that he was committed to being his dad.
Because this time he had no intention of walking away.
CHAPTER TWO
CHARLIE’S HEAD APPEARED next to the bed and Luke squinted at the bedside clock. It was 2:00 a.m.
“Hey, buddy.” He reached out a hand and touched Charlie’s head. Luke didn’t know what else to do. He’d never really been around kids, not even his own.
His son blinked at him, big brown eyes peering down at him as the little boy leaned closer.
“Can I get into bed with you?” Charlie whispered.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.”
Luke pulled the covers back. He hated that he didn’t know what to do. Should he send him back to his own bed? Cuddle him? What?
Now Charlie was snuggling hard against him, and Luke knew there was no going back. He put his arm out, feeling awkward.
