“I don’t want him growing up without a family.” Luke punched out the words. “Because then I’d be putting him through what I went through, and I can’t live with that.”
“Neither do I,” she snapped back, unable to hide how angry she was. Luke had made it obvious that she had nothing to do with why he wanted to possibly stay married, but was it just because he didn’t want to repeat his own past, or something more? “Do you really think we could be together again, after all this time of growing apart?”
He shrugged, a noncommittal movement of the shoulders that told her nothing.
“You left me, alone, all that time, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”
“Now you’re being unreasonable!” he bellowed, his soft demeanor disappearing quicker than it had arrived. “I had no choice. You knew my duty when you married me, and things were already bad well before I left.” He shook his head. “When I called and heard your voice on the phone, when I rang and then had to hang up as soon as you answered, I didn’t know where to start, or what I could say.”
“You said you’d leave the army for me, Luke.” She wasn’t ready to admit that their marriage had already been teetering too close to the edge before she’d found out he was leaving. Or to acknowledge the fact that he had tried to call her more often than he had. “You promised. And then you walked out on our marriage like it meant nothing to you.”
“I had to go, Ollie. Leaving my boys over there would have been wrong and you know it.” His voice went soft, low. “But what I did to you, leaving, was unforgivable and not a day has gone past that I haven’t wished things could have been different.”
She knew her last comment had been a low blow; she shouldn’t have said it. But it was what she had held so close for so long. Thought about when she’d lain awake at night, alone, with no husband next to her in the bed. When they’d hit a rough patch he’d taken the easy option and just left, when all she’d wanted was for him to fight for her. No matter what had happened, how hard things had been, all she’d wished for was that he could prove to her that he’d married her for more than just the sake of her being pregnant. That she wasn’t being used by men like her mom had been.
“I can’t do this again, Luke. We can’t make this work.”
She’d only just got over him. Just managed to move on, and now he was asking for what? A second chance? Was he just trying to make sure she’d let him see his son? Because she’d never stop him from being in Charlie’s life.
Luke strode the two steps to stand before her, to tower over her small frame. “No.”
“No?”
“You heard me.” His voice was determined now, commanding rather than questioning. “I did my duty, served my country. The way I left you makes me a crappy husband, but it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a chance to at least be a better dad, Ollie.”
Ollie stayed silent. She didn’t trust her voice. She should have been grateful that it was his son he wanted, but a little voice cried out in her mind, because it would have felt so good to know he wanted her, too. To hear him say he’d do anything to be back in her life again.
“I want to be there for Charlie.”
“But, Luke …” Her voice cracked as he reached out one hand to steady her shaking arm.
Her voice was barely a whisper when she finally spoke again. “I can’t put us in a position to be left again. You need to prove yourself to me, Luke, and to Charlie, before you can be his full-time dad. Right now you’re like a new toy, but how long before the batteries fail and you’re gone again?”
She held his gaze, kept her chin high. She was not going to allow her heart to be broken again. This was it, and she couldn’t take a chance on trusting him when she didn’t know how long he’d be here, and how long he’d be gone next time. It had been too easy for him to leave, and now he’d come back to them, hoping to start again.
“I want a divorce, Luke.” The words were hard to say, but she had to tell him. Because if she didn’t she’d be kidding herself and him.
“A divorce?” He stepped back as if she’d hit him.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, tears making it hard to speak as she walked away. “I just can’t do this. Not again. What we had didn’t work, Luke, and we both need to understand that.”
All Olivia had ever wanted was a family of her own, a husband who loved her, but that fantasy was past its use-by date. It was just her and Charlie, and she couldn’t let Luke thunder back into their lives like a tornado. Charlie needed a father who hung around, or was at least a whole lot better at staying in touch when he wasn’t.
“Olivia.”
She heard Luke say her name, but she didn’t want to turn around.
“Olivia, please.”
But there were no words he could say right now to change how she felt.
CHAPTER FOUR
OLLIE’S CHEEKS HURT. She could hear her own laughter echoing around them as Luke twirled her, over and over again.
“Stop!”
He drew her in, hard against him, his muscled body tight against hers.
“Say you love me.”
“Luke, let go of me!” She squirmed in his arms.
“Say it, baby, or I’ll toss you in the water.”
He lifted her off her feet so only her toes trailed on the sand, and started walking her toward the ocean.
“I love you, I love you!” she cried, her arms around his neck.
“Too late.”
She started to tell him off, to swat at him, but he dropped her into the water, diving in himself. Her hair was plastered to her face, mascara dripped into her eyes, but she still couldn’t stop smiling.
He resurfaced. “Come here often?”
Luke lay next to her, half floating on his stomach, and pushed his hair off his face. Water fell from his dark lashes, and she felt herself fall apart. Those brown eyes looked straight through her, past her insecurities and worries, straight into her heart.
“Look what you’ve done to me.” She giggled, rubbing beneath her eyes. “I’m a mess.”
“You,” he said, kissing her nose, “are—” another kiss “—not a mess.”
She kissed him back then, their wet lips pressed together, her hands in his hair.
“I do love you, Luke.”
“I know, honey, I know.”
Ollie
