he said, and she almost smiled at the sincerity in his voice.
‘It’s become a bit like home to me in the past year,’ she murmured, deep in thought, and then her stomach dropped when she realised what she had said. ‘Because of Greg,’ she added hurriedly, hoping it would make her words seem less like a revelation.
He didn’t answer her, and when she looked over he had a blank expression on his face. How was it possible that the tension between them could become worse? she wondered, her insides twisting.
‘I have memories of every part of this place,’ he said, his face pensive now. ‘This is where I last saw my mother. This is where my father raised me.’
Mila frowned. Had he just willingly mentioned his mother? His reaction the previous night when she’d said something about her had been what Mila was used to. A quick brush-off, an unwillingness to respond. She had wanted to know about his mother so badly when they were dating, when they were married, but she’d never had the nerve to push beyond Jordan’s resistance. Since she didn’t really want to offer information to him either, she’d convinced herself that it didn’t matter. That one day, while they watched their children play in front of the house, he would tell her about the woman who had died when he was five, and she would hold his hand and tell him that it was okay.
But that day would never come now.
Jordan turned towards the amphitheatre and she followed him, and then she stopped, her eyes widening when she realised what going to the amphitheatre meant. Why hadn’t she realised this earlier, she thought in panic, when she could have done something about it? Before she had suggested it, for heaven’s sake!
‘Are you coming?’ Jordan asked her, and she exhaled shakily, forced her legs to move and her mouth to respond.
‘Yes...yes, I am.’
* * *
‘This is great,’ Jordan said when he saw the white marquee that covered the amphitheatre. The edges were pinned down between the trees that surrounded the area, and it had done its job for the most part, he noted. Though water ran down the steps, the seats and the stage were still dry, along with most of the ground. It would do for their event, he thought.
‘Whose idea was it to do this? It was smart.’
He took the steps as he asked the question, and was about halfway down when he realised Mila hadn’t answered him. Nor could he hear her following. When he turned back to look up at her his heart raced at her expression. Her face was white—and so was the hand that clung to the railing that ran down the middle of the stairs. He could see her chest heave—in, out...in, out—and his first instinct was to run to her side and make sure that she was okay.
But somewhere at the back of his mind he realised what was happening, and a picture of her at the bottom of the stairs at their old house, lying deadly still, flashed through his mind.
This is what you left behind, a voice told him, and a ball of grief and guilt drop in his stomach.
Careful to keep his expression blank, even as his heart thrummed, he walked up to her and slid an arm around her waist. She didn’t look at him, and he could feel her resistance, so he waited until her hand finally gripped the back of his jacket. Slowly they made their way down to the bottom of the stairs, and with each step the ball of emotion grew inside him.
‘Thank you,’ she said through tight lips when they got to the bottom, but he could hear the shakiness in her voice—felt it in her body before she stepped back from him.
‘Since the accident?’ he asked.
She lifted her eyes briefly, and then lowered them again as she straightened her shoulders. ‘Yeah. It’s not impossible to do. It just takes longer.’
He didn’t know what to say. How could he say anything at all? he wondered with disgust. He knew the loss of their son had hurt them both—Jordan lived with it every day, no matter where he was. Every moment of his life since that day still held glimpses of what it would have been like if his son had been alive—images of them as a family in the home where he and Mila used to live crushed his heart each time.
But the reality was that he wasn’t a father. And, yes, he had complicated emotions about it—dashed hopes, a broken heart—but his body was fine. Though his heart pained, he could go down a flight of stairs without thinking about the fall that had led to a placental abruption and a premature baby who couldn’t survive outside the womb. His mind, though still dimmed by grief, wasn’t addled by a fear of stairs.
Seeing Mila’s reality, seeing the effect losing their baby had had on her, gutted him. The shame and guilt he already felt about the loss of their child pierced him. And the anger—the tension Jordan felt at the fact that Mila hadn’t turned to him—flamed inside him.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
She slanted a look at him. ‘About...?’
She was giving him a chance to back down, he thought briefly, but he wouldn’t do it.
‘About the stairs. Is there anything else you’re still struggling with?’
‘That isn’t your business any more, Jordan,’ she replied easily, though he could tell that the conversation was anything but easy for her.
‘You’re my wife, Mila.’ It didn’t matter to him that they had both signed divorce papers and had only found out they were still married the previous day. ‘I have a right to know.’
‘No, you don’t,’ she said tersely. ‘You gave up that right when you walked out. When you sent me divorce papers. When you didn’t come home.’ There was a brief pause. ‘I’m your wife in name only.’
‘You asked me to leave.’
‘You should have known you needed to stay!’ she shot back, and hissed out a breath.
His eyes widened at the show of temper and his heart quickened at the sight of her cheeks flushed with anger. She still took his breath away, he thought vaguely, and then his mind focused on her words.
‘Is that what you really wanted?’ he asked softly.
She pursed her lips. ‘I don’t want to talk about this, Jordan. What’s done is done.’
‘Clearly it isn’t done. Tell me,’ he begged. It had suddenly become imperative for him to know what he had walked away from. And whether she had wanted him to walk away at all.
‘You made a choice to leave, Jordan.’
She looked up at him, her eyes piercing him with their fire. It wasn’t a description he would have used of her before. And perhaps before he wouldn’t have found it quite as alluring. But it suited her, he thought.
‘We all have to live with the decisions we made then. For now, we need to focus on getting this event done.’
His jaw clenched and tension flowed through his body with his blood. She made it seem as though he had left easily—as though he had wanted to leave.
‘I left because you asked me to. Why are you punishing me for it?’
She watched him steadily, and for a brief moment,
