in the world.
It seemed to Anna that Elizabeth hadn’t stopped smiling in the past twenty-four hours. She’d always known how much Elizabeth missed Benjamin and longed for his return, but she hadn’t even realized how much that was reflected in her face. Elizabeth looked as if she’d shed ten years in a single day.
Anna led the buggy horse to the gate and then turned him into the field. Buck seemed to shrug all over, as if delighted to be rid of the harness. He sniffed the icy grass and then broke into a gallop, racing to where the other horses stood at the far end of the field.
Smiling at his antics, Anna headed for the house. She’d volunteered to take the home visits today, so that Elizabeth could be free to enjoy Benjamin’s return.
But Anna couldn’t deny that she’d had another motive, too. She’d been just as eager to get herself well away from Benjamin’s disturbing presence.
Her steps slowed. She’d thought having time alone during the drive would give her a chance to come to terms with Benjamin’s return. Unfortunately her thoughts just kept spinning around and around like the windmill blades in a strong wind.
Enough, she told herself. Was she reluctant to accept his return because she worried that he’d hurt his family again? Or was her concern more selfish?
When Anna put it to herself that way, she couldn’t help but see the answer. Christians were called to forgiveness. They could only be forgiven as they forgave. If the rest of Benjamin’s family could forgive him and welcome him back, then she must, too.
Holding on to the resolution firmly, she marched into the house. As always at this time of day, Elizabeth was in the kitchen. She was bent over the propane oven, her face flushed as she pulled out two apple pies, their crusts golden brown and the apple juices bubbling up through the vents.
“That wouldn’t be Benjamin’s favorite pie, would it?” Anna forced warmth into her voice as she stowed her medical bag on its shelf by the door.
“Ach, you caught me.” Elizabeth transferred the pies to the wire cooling rack and turned, smiling.
Anna’s heart gave a little thump. Elizabeth was so happy. How could Anna be skeptical of anything that made her feel that way?
“He’ll appreciate those, I know.” Surely nothing he’d found in the outside world could match his own mamm’s cooking. “Can I do anything?”
Elizabeth surveyed the pots on the stove top. “I don’t think so.” She glanced toward the clock. “Ben went out to cut some greens for me. I felt like getting ready for Christmas today. Maybe you’d go out and help him bring them to the porch. It’ll soon be time for supper.”
Well, she’d offered to help. Elizabeth wasn’t to know that helping Ben...seeing Ben...was the last thing she wanted at the moment. All Anna could do was smile.
“Right away. Do you know where he went?” The woods began across the field behind the barn and stretched up to the ridge that sheltered the valley.
“That stand of hemlocks, I think. He knows I like the little cones on the greens to put on the windowsills.”
Nodding, Anna buttoned her coat again and went back out into the cold. The brittle grass crackled under her shoes as she walked, and she scanned the skies for signs of snow. But the only clouds were light, wispy ones moving lazily across the blue.
It might be silly for a grown woman to be longing for that first snow of the winter, but she couldn’t seem to help it. She loved running outside to feel the flakes melting on her face. She and her sisters used to vie to see who’d be first to catch a snowflake on her tongue.
A glimpse of black jacket among the hemlocks told her where Benjamin was, and she veered in his direction. Maybe it would be natural to wave or call out, but nothing felt natural when it came to Ben. Just the slightest glance from his deep blue eyes seemed to turn her back into the girl who’d thought she’d soon be a bride.
He had his back turned to her. The wheelbarrow next to him was full of green branches, and the clippers he’d been using lay atop them. Maybe he’d spotted a deer or a pheasant and was watching it, standing so still.
The clothes he wore were Amish, the black jacket a bit snug over his broad shoulders. Had he grown since he’d been gone? He certainly seemed taller and broader to her. The black pants and heavy shoes made her wonder what had become of the jeans and leather jacket. He wouldn’t need them if he meant to be home for good.
Well, of course he’d come home to stay. He wouldn’t be so unkind as to let his family believe that if it weren’t so, would he?
His voice startled her. For a moment she thought he’d spoken to her, and then she realized he stood immobile because he was talking on a cell phone. Not so surprising, but still...
Don’t judge. She had a cell phone herself, as well as the phone in the center. It was difficult to be a midwife to a widespread practice without one. She didn’t use the phone casually, marking off for herself the line between what was accepted and what was bending the rules.
Ben might have a difficult time adjusting to living under the Ordnung again after his time out in the world. They’d all have to make allowances for him.
“That’s not true.” Ben’s voice, raised in what might have been anger, came clearly to her ears. “Whatever happened between us is over.”
Anna froze. She shouldn’t be overhearing this. But she’d already heard. Should she make her presence known or attempt to creep silently backward?
“All right.” Ben snapped the words. “I’ll see you again, but not until I’m ready.”
Anna took a step back, and a branch snapped beneath her foot, loud in the still air. Ben spun. His glare nailed her to the spot. She’d seen his eyes merry and laughing and teasing. And tender, filled with longing. But she’d never seen them freeze over with anger.
He clicked the phone off. “Eavesdropping, Anna?” The words were edged with ice.
Heat rushed to her cheeks. “Your mother sent me out to help you. I didn’t realize what you were doing until...”
Her defense withered under his cold stare. When had he gotten those lines around his eyes, that tenseness in his jaw? That was new. Was that what the outside world had done to him?
“It didn’t occur to you to let me know you were here, ja?” He bent to pick up the wheelbarrow handles. “You’ve done your duty. I’m coming. Why don’t you run back and tell my daad that I was out here talking on my cell phone?”
A wave of anger came to her rescue. “I’m not a child, and I don’t tattle on people.”
“No.” His gaze drifted over her. “I can see you’re not a child, Anna. You’re all grown up now.”
Her anger edged up a notch at the way he’d looked at her. “Your clothes don’t make you Amish, Benjamin. If you’re not ready to leave the Englisch world, maybe you shouldn’t have komm.”
If
