have to reach for it,” Pastor Mitchell said. “It reaches for you. Sometimes even before you want it or feel ready for it. Wherever you go, there it is. All God asks of you is to turn and see it. Let it in.”
People were always quick to tell him what he needed to do to move on. Join this support group, read this book, do this, stop doing that. Mitchell’s sermon was the first message he’d heard that told him to just be, and maybe crack himself the tiniest bit open. Maybe struggling to escape the fog wasn’t the answer. Maybe he just had to wait for the fog to lift on its own.
And wasn’t that an uncomfortable notion. Waiting? Getting—what had the pastor called it—expectantly still? The very thought made every inch of his insides itch.
When the girls returned for the final hymn, each bearing a generously frosted giant heart cookie wrapped in pink sparkly cellophane, Bruce couldn’t decide if he wanted to stick around or run.
The girls, of course, were busy making plans to spend the entire day together. “Can Lulu come to lunch with us?” Carly asked.
“Well, now...” he hedged, not wanting to be rude, but needing some space after the jumble of his reactions this morning.
Clearly he hadn’t hid it well, because Kelly stepped in. “The grown-ups decided we’d each do lunch on our own.”
They hadn’t, of course, but he was grateful for the out she gave him. “You just spent a whole hour with each other. I think you can live through being separated for lunch.”
A chorus of little-girl moans erupted until Kelly held both hands up. “Enough of that. Carly, we’ll see you at one o’clock.” She turned to Bruce. “Thank you for coming to church with us. I hope you got something out of it.”
He did—he just couldn’t exactly say what.
“Do you think Carly and Mr. Bruce liked our church, Mom?” Lulu asked as they loaded the dishwasher from Sunday lunch.
“I can’t say for sure, sweetheart.” She’d been surprised that Bruce and Carly had shown for church, but he’d looked unsettled during most of the service, and hadn’t spoken much afterward.
The man was impossible to read. Had he been irritated by the country congregation, or just needed some time to process his reaction?
“Carly’s fun. I really like her.”
I can’t really say the same for her father, Kelly thought. “She seems like a nice friend to have.” She handed a glass to Lulu.
“Carly said our church is tons more fun than the one she used to go to when her mom was alive.”
Kelly felt her heart pinch the way it always did when young Lulu talked about a parent dying in such a matter-of-fact way. It shouldn’t ever be normal, not to any child. And yet Carly’s remark told her a lot about Bruce, didn’t it? He’d been part of a church community, and then cut himself off—for whatever reason—after his wife’s death.
Why? Kelly couldn’t imagine how she’d have gotten through the dark days after Mark’s death without the support of MVCC. The congregation had held her up, prayed her through, even fed her. Though her own parents were far away in Texas, she’d never been alone, but had multiple invitations to choose from on those crushing first holidays and birthdays. How could anyone do it alone like he seemed to have? She wondered if the bruised nature of his soul—and he surely appeared to be a wounded soul to her—had come from that isolation. It made her sad and wary at the same time. Whatever small connection she felt with the man or his adorable daughter had to be tempered by the fact that he was a long way from healing.
“How much longer till they get here?” Lulu whined.
“Oh, just enough time for you to get your math worksheet done,” Kelly said, pointing to Lulu’s backpack on its hook by the door.
“Mom, it’s Sunday. Pastor says it’s rest day,” Lulu retorted, one cocky hand on her slim hips.
“Then maybe you’ll need a nap to pass the time,” Kelly teased.
Lulu rolled her eyes. “Fine. Math is better than naps. But not by much.” She pulled a folder out of her backpack and flopped down on the kitchen counter with a dramatic sigh. “Third grade is hard.”
Thirty-one is harder, Kelly moaned in the silence of her heart. And lately, for a host of reasons, thirty-one alone felt extra hard.
When the doorbell rang twenty minutes later, Lulu scampered off her seat and made it to the door before Kelly even put down the magazine she was reading.
“It took forever!” Carly announced once Lulu mentioned how long the wait had seemed.
Kelly gave a soft laugh at the girls’ enthusiasm. “Remember when two hours was forever?” she asked Bruce.
“Not really,” Bruce replied, scratching his chin.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we got a snow day this week that closed school so you could come over again?” Lulu said as she opened the hall cabinet where the driveway chalk was kept.
“Are we gonna get lots of snow, Daddy? You said Miss Tina wanted to be a snow bride.” Carly clearly thought lots of snow sounded like a marvelous idea.
“Then I’d like four inches, please,” Kelly offered. “Fluffy not icy, with a nice, quiet wind. And sunshine by ten in the morning on the wedding day.”
Bruce furrowed his brow. “Not too particular, are you?”
Kelly gestured out the window. “We look gorgeous in a few inches of snow and bright sunshine. Like a postcard.”
“What about all of Miss Tina’s pretty flowers? Won’t they freeze?” The little girl’s concern was touching.
“No,” Kelly assured her. “I made sure to use flowers just right for a winter’s day.” Kelly was especially proud of the creative mix of winter-hardy amaryllis, anemones and silver brunia balls she’d designed, perfectly accented with pine and red ribbons. Like the cake Yvonne had designed, Kelly was sure nothing matched it anywhere in Asheville.
“Here’s the chalk for hopscotch,” Lulu pronounced, holding up the bucket. Obviously, there was not a minute to waste.
“Hat,” Kelly reminded Lulu.
“And mittens,” Bruce chimed in, for Carly had a hood on her sweet pink-and-purple jacket.
“Mom,” Lulu moaned, followed by a copycat “Dad” from Carly, though both girls obeyed the instructions.
They watched the girls race out the side door without so much as a single look back.
“I feel bad adding to your load on a Sunday...” Bruce began.
“Oh, no,” she cut in, “you’re actually helping. Keeping Lulu occupied can be a bit of a challenge sometimes.” Kelly caught the mix of relief and reluctance in Bruce’s eyes. Was he glad that
